humanities new lows

I watched the last 15 minutes of the ultimate train wreck of a show called MOMENT OF TRUTH.

Look what the writer's strike brought us too...

Oh FOX, what will you think of next...

best weekend

I got to spend the entire weekend with the kid and the husband...

So glorious...

I missed them so much and I was only gone 4 nights...

Soph did not let me out of her sight this weekend. Even when I desperately needed a nap on Saturday - she climbed into bed with me and let me sleep on her shoulder for a good ten minutes...

So good to be home.

just a surreal day...

My day began with a meeting with a director. She was lovely and it made me think about what my life would have been like if I moved to NY to create theatre and never met the husband.

I am so thankful I met the husband.

I love NY but there is just no way in hell I could live here. and just no way I could raise a child here. I have been hyper aware of the parents with their kids in on the streets, in the subway. WOW. Don't know how they do it.

I then had lunch with an agent.

Then I wandered up to FAO Schwartz to look for a robot for the kid. Found some cool monsters but no robot.

Then another meeting with an agent.

Then another meeting with a director.

Then a lovely cocktail event. Yesterday, randomly, I found out that one of my mentors was getting his caricature put on the the wall at Sardi's.

I managed to get myself invited to the "unveiling" event.

Now this guy has been a huge supporter of my work and is one of the nicest guys in show business. Really.

It was wonderful to see him.

I also just happened to meet Terrence McNally and Tom Stoppard.

Yeah

I know

Crazy

I then went and had a fabulous dinner with one of my dearest friends. We drank an amazing bottle of Argentinian wine - talked about art and theatre.

I should have gone to see another show - but I've already seen three and that was about all I could possibly handle this week. Besides... friends are more important.

Dare I tell you all that I, kiki, who HATES LOATHES DESPISES shopping - braved the Toy's R Us in Times Square to find that elusive robot?

Yes, I walked in (timeline wise this was in between the celebrity love-fest and dinner with M) and asked for some assistance. I was pointed to the toddler toy section - nada, nothing no robots.

So I asked two employees, both of whom were black, where I could find a robot. I explained my predicament - that my toddler thinks I am meeting robots (how ironic) in New York and I need to bring one back with me. As the woman and I were laughing about my kids tenacity, another employee, who was white, came over and started telling me that where to look. He completely interrupted the woman - who was being incredibly helpful - asking me questions. And he was all about the age appropriateness of the toys for my daughter. He literally pushed his way in between the two employees I was talking to.

BIZARRE.

Anyway - I said "well were are the robots for the older kids"

and he said "we have nothing for 3 and under".

And I said, "where are the robots?

he said "They don't make the for kids under 3"

I said "I'm the parent and I know what toys are appropriate for my child, so could you kindly point me in the right direction."

He pointed to the basement/electronics level.

I said, curtly, 'Thanks" and turned to the woman and said "thank you."

What in the hell was that about?

syncronisity

I was sitting in a little cafe having a pannini and the guy at the counter next to me answers his phone. He speaks in a language I can't identify... but certain words pop out:
FRANKENSTEIN...
MARY SHELLY...
SCIENTIST...
HUMAN NATURE
interesting because the husband and I have been discussing the Frankenstein play I wrote and I'm working on another script with a Mary Shelley-like character.

I leave the cafe, am 30 minutes early for my meeting - so I go into BCBG (and laugh at the prices) and Anne Taylor (and laugh at the small selection)

I go to my meeting. Goes well.

I leave the meeting and call the husband. We have a great chat as I walk to the subway. We hang up. I walk to the train and a street musician is playing our song. I toss him a couple bucks. he smiles and keeps playing. I smile too - thinking about that man I love on the other side of the country and the beautiful little girl keeping him company...

and on a more ridiculous note. Three times today i have walked a block in the wrong direction. In high heal boots.

people watching

Was on a flight from SFO to JFK today.
had lots of pictures of Soph - so I was happy.
hit LOTS of turbulence and couldn't find a stewardess to get me a drink - which made me very very very sad. I think I need a prescription of valuim next time I fly.

The woman next to me was reading a book about "unlocking your hidden potential"
she wore a sweatshirt with a peace symbol on it.
I was on a plane that give you a personal TV.
Started reading THE ROAD - but it was way to depressing, started crying twice...
so I plugged into an old vice - HGTV...
then Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nighmares ..
then an animal planet special about how amazingly cool Dolphins are
..and the Daily Show...
but being the busy-body that I am, I looked at what my row-mate was watching
(BTW: no one sat in between us...nice huh?)
1. the in-flight map - which ended up going 0mph at 5feet in Nevada as soon as we hit Nevada and for the remainder of the flight.
2. The Simpsons (which I turned on too)
3. The Family Guy
4. Seinfield

hmmm...

things in the toilet

I have decided to follow Dr. Sears' advice on potty training - well - the do it in a weekend advise... I was ill prepared.

I only had nine pairs of panties for the girl... all of which got washed at least twice on Saturday. Sunday and Monday - only three pairs down. I am not expecting a miracle... but at least she is now telling me (well 50% of the time) that she has to go...

Anyway while this is happening this weekend, I have been exchanging e-mails with an old mentor and good friend about the state of theatre in this country. I sent him this article, which a friend sent me.

I now work for a regional theatre - I used to run a scappy little alternative theatre out of an old funeral chapel...

Ohh - and poop with a lot of Almonds in it is pretty stinky...

The difference between theatres with money and theatres without is artistic freedom. And yep - if you don't have a huge budget you can get riskier and more adventurous with your programming. You also get to go into major credit card debt because you can't pay your rent.

"Mommy I have to pee" means "Mommy I am peeing"

The problem with regional theatre is that the larger you get the less risks you can take because one bad show means the box office take is awful which means possible lay-offs... so it is easy to fall into the mindset to just do shows that "sell". And how is that supposed to make one company distinct from another?

And because EVERYONE and their mother thinks they know about the arts... and the ignorant people write reviews and pass themselves off as theatre experts wouldn't know Artaud if he spanked them in the ass... and everyone thinks they can act... and that its easy... the art form is loosing its..well.. form...

formless poop is harder to get out of panties than a firm one...

there are very few theatre companies that have big budgets that are actually moving the art form forward...

and VERY few companies that support local talent...

a guy asked me why we bring people in from New York, LA, wherever.. and I said, we want the best possible talent on our stage and sometimes that means we have to go out of town...

why can't we work where we live?

why a vagabond existence?

And why can't artists just create art? Why do we have to make a "product?"

I really hate using hotel toilets...

the crack of dawn

When I was a kid, my mom left the house around 5:30am to get to work. She would walk into our rooms and give us a kiss before leaving. Now, most of the time we didn't wake up. But, we knew she come in because we would have big lipstick marks on our faces. We're talking bright mauve or a deep wine color, usually.

I had to leave the house at 6:30 this morning (truly difficult for me...).

When I kissed the husband and the child good-bye I thought about this and smiled.

I'm a very conflicted person

I have been pondering a response to Melissa's post. She, being a brilliant person and master debater, brought up a lot of good points.

Finding good role models for girls is incredibly hard.

My niece was in town for a volleyball tournament this weekend. So my sister and I took her to this place to get her prom dress... It seems that all the girls want to get their dress here because they have a guarantee not to sell the same dress to anyone else going to your school's event. Yeah, I know. Anyway... check out these dresses that 16-18 year old girls are buying. I was SHOCKED. My niece, thankfully, got one of the more tasteful dress - but it was backless...

Project Runway had an episode (yes I love this show...) - a PROM challenge. They had to design a dress for the client but the mom was looming in the distance. None of the designers could bring themselves to designing revealing dresses - even as the girls begged them too.

What does this have to do with Princesses? Well, when all the images of the Disney Princesses (and Barbies) are about being in ball gowns with perfect make-up and hair, I find it rather disconcerting. As a woman with major issues (yes - the body kind), I really would love to figure our a way to prevent my daughter from having them. I guess my opposition to the Princess franchise boil more down to marketing than the content of the film (although...).

I know that eventually she'll meet those gals - the princesses I mean - and I hope it's Belle first. She reads. She's cool. Please understand I actually love Disneyland (in the off season) and played with Barbies until well... lets just say until I was too old to be playing with them.

But there are other reasons I avoid those films...
The villains in all those movies:

Snow White: evil stepmother
Cinderella: evil stepmother
Sleeping Beauty: evil fairy
Little Mermaid: evil female octopus

Okay - Beauty and the Beast has the bad guy being the good looking fella... very nice...

Ya get dead moms all the time in the Disney Films: Snow White, Cinderella, Bambie, Finding Nemo, etc...

Mel's is right - you could go crazy if you stick to a feminist high horse on all those films. Perhaps I am over sensitive.

Soph loves Dora the Explorer - asks to watch it over any other show. As I look at those other programs on TV - that seems to be the only show with a girl lead. Blue's Clues is a girl dog. Anything I'm missing?

I finished it!

I have been missing lately because I HAD to finish War & Peace.
I'm still digesting it.

the jungle book

So I introduced my daughter to my favorite animated movie - The Jungle Book. We completely enjoyed it. But then there was the end...
A young girl sings this song and the lyrics go like this:

My own home, my own home
My own home, my own home

Father's hunting in the forest
Mother's cooking in the home
I must go to fetch the water
'Til the day that I'm grown
'Til I'm grown, 'til I'm grown
I must go to fetch the water
'Til the day that I'm grown

Then I will have a handsome husband
And a daughter of my own
And I'll send her to fetch the water
I'll be cooking in the home
Then I'll send her to fetch the water
I'll be cooking in the home

Now I have boycotted all the "Princess" movies - except Mulan because she kicks ass and it is not about getting married...

Am I being to sensitive?

quote of the day

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
-Sean O'Casey, Irish dramatist (1880 - 1964)

2007 lists

Well, I did NOT finish War and Peace. I am at the top of Volume III - which is the half way point. It is fantastic and I am throughly annoyed that I have to work right now and cannot finish it... ARG. So hopefully by the end of this month I'll be done... hopefully...

But 2007 had a lot of fun reads (thanks to my mom friends and our book club for opening my eyes to authors I normally wouldn't read). The list, yet again, does not include the stuff I have to read for work... perhaps next year I'll include that stuff...

To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis
The Third Witch by Rebecca Reisert
Gilead by Marilynne Robinson
Ex Libris by Anna Fadmen
Marley and Me by John Grogan
Death in Venice by Thomas Mann
The Feminine Mistake by Leslie Bennets
Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows by JK Rowling
Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde
Fluke by Christopher Moore
Candy Freak by Steve Almond
How to Cook a Wolf by MK Fisher (ok didn’t finish it, but I tried!)
Treason by Orson Scott Card
Turning on the Girls by Cheryl Benard

I also tracked the movies I watched this year - because I was curious... I have three netflixs sitting by the TV right now... and they've been there for a while... I think its becuase they are all 2 hours plus...

FILMS
(first viewings only - I mean, why track the crap I've seen before and just happens to be on the television?)

Little Miss Sunshine (dvd)
Firewall (dvd)
The Illusionist (DVD)
The Queen (theatre - YES I went to an actual movie theatre!!!!)
Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason (TV-edited)
The Pursuit of Happyness (dvd)
For Your consideration (dvd)
Casino Royale (dvd)
The Lake House (HBO)
Children of Men (DVD)
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (DVD)
Cars (DVD)
Smokin’ Aces (DVD)
Pan’s Labyrinth (DVD) - my favorite move of 2007!!!!
The Breakup (HBO)
The Devil Wears Prada (HBO)
Shrek the Third (on airplane)
Idiocracy (DVD)
Dreamgirls (DVD)
Stranger than Fiction (DVD)
The Prestige (DVD)
Last King of Scotland (DVD)
The Fountain (DVD)
Ratatouille (DVD)

Wow - I think I might be suffering from multiple personality disorder after looking at this list!

what's by your toilet?

My sister got me Steven Colbert's book for my birthday. When I showed it to my husband - I said "Yippee new bathroom reading"
He said "Good we can take AMERICA out of there now"

I realized that bathroom reading is important.

Currently in our bathroom:
Steven Colbert's Book I AM AMERICA
1001 PLACES YOU SHOULD SEE BEFORE YOU DIE
1001 PLACES TO SEE US & CANADA
A copy of National Geographic
A Williams Sonoma Catalog
An issue of REAL SIMPLE from October that I haven't read yet...
And various other catalogs from which we will NEVER order.

In our "gust bathroom"
A different copy of National Geographic
AMERICA
EINSTEIN'S DREAMS
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
A CALVIN AND HOBBES book
Some random cigar magazines (the husband's)


I realize that since we moved to this house I started a bizarre magazine ritual. When I get a National Geographic - I put the new one in the living room - the living room one goes to our bathroom - that one goes to the guest bathroom - and that one goes into storage... hmmm what does that say about me?

kitty

We spent Christmas with my sister-in-law in San Diego. We haven't been to her house in 9 months. Soph is 28 months old - so she was 19 months old last time she saw them - and they babysat for me.

They had a beautiful cat that Soph loved chasing around. The cat went missing during those awful fires and never returned.

The husband and I made sure not to mention the cat at all to Soph.

The moment we walked in the house. Soph went "kitty?" and started running around looking for it.

Had no idea she would remember that.

We were able to get her to understand that the cat went away before she saw her cousin. Although he is 16, it was Xmas and we didn't want to remind him of his lost pet.

Crazy that she would remember that 9 months later.

Guess I better watch what I say...

35

I just turned 35. Although I didn't want anyone to make a fuss - I was so surprised by the wonderful events of the last week. I feel very fortunate to have such people in my life.

My mommy group took me out for dinner at this snazzy wine joint downtown. I can't be more thankful for this group of truly inspiring women (and one dad). They bend over backwards to make you feel special.

My husband surprised me with a framed giclee of my favorite Picasso. He also got me a yummy cake and made me scallops and shrimp wrapped in bacon... mmmm.... bacon... love it when that man cooks.

My daughter sang me Happy Birthday for several days. It was beautiful.

And then my gift to myself:
I (with the help of the husband) dyed my hair last night - close to the natural color - was tired of the red - and needed to hide the grey skunk that looked good with the pixi cut - but not so great with the longer do.

actively listening

I attended a work meeting last week. I had to give a presentation about what my job is and how we do a certain aspect of my job. I gave the presentation in Powerpoint. I felt very corporate about it.

There were no questions. The general consensus was that I overloaded them. Well, they asked for a detailed presentation and I gave it to them.

Thank goodness I went first. I was able to relax and really listen to the rest of the meeting.

I listened to every word.

The same cannot be said of the other participants.

As I listened, I watched people checking in and out.

Blank stares.

Cell phone checks.

Nodding when not appropriate.

And yawns.

I watched the various people giving reports try to entertain the group in vain. They made the mistake in using hand-outs. Therefore people flipped thru it and figured they knew its contents.

When a report got someone excited and discourse was about to ensue - the meeting leader tabled it so we could stay on schedule.

Bummer. It was just getting interesting.

that man of mine

So, he ordered the stockings. Yes, he did.

I love him.

stockings

The husband and I got into a heated discussion about Christmas stockings today.

He threw out (he's say I made him throw out) a stocking given to him by an ex-girlfriend. This was a couple years ago (we've been together for 13 years - so I think is was finally about fricking time). This coincided with my father sending us these some-what tasteful Martha Stewart (I know - don't judge) stockings and tree skirt.

Now we have a kid. My mom has made my niece and nephews stockings. Well, she's now re-married and busy - and this is Soph's third Christmas... so I don't think a stocking is coming.

So we decided to get some. I of course love my crack, I mean, the Pottery Barn catalog. God I am so bourgeois.

Anyway - we couldn't decide between reindeer, Christmas trees or just a solid color... and if we wanted to get them personalized...

Knowing us - we wont make any decisions but instead a year from now go - Oh we didn't buy stocking last year, did we? And we'll wait till the last minute to order something in time. And again, Martha will make her way to the fireplace and poor Soph will just have to settle for my old Snoopy stocking...

dentist

I went back to the dentist. Still doing good since the last time. I think that I really hate going. Why is that?

A friend last night told me that dentists have a high suicide rate - because people dread them... urban legend? Hmmm...

Talking about dentists made me remember a movie called The Secret Life of Dentists. Which is an interesting character study and more realistic portrayal of the husband-wife with kids dynamic. I really appreciated the inner struggle of the characters - it wasn't over the top, but subtle, the way people actually are. Things are never black and white - people have hard times articulating their feelings - and this film really embraces that.

todays thoughts

Today I am thinking about... in no particular order..
1. when in the heck are the delivery guys going to arrive with the kid's big girl bed
2. why i am constantly fatigued
3. if there is such a thing as a healthy candy bar
4. how to get the stench of urine out of my couch (thanks boy dog)
5. if my love/hate relationship with my job will hopefully start teetering more towards the love side.

whole wheat scone

I made scones today for the first time.

They were a bit wheat-y, but hit the spot.

I brought 3/4 of them into rehearsals - saving myself one for tomorrow morning and one for Sunday morning. They got devoured by my assistant and the stage manager. We all agree that they were a bit dry - so I think some yogurt or cream cheese or sour cream might help the recipe. I found this on line somewhere - and I added the raspberries -- the original called for dates.

Oven at 425

1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup all purpose flour
2 tablespoons of sugar (I just can't go the Splenda route - just can't do it)
2 1/2 teaspoons of Baking power
1 teaspoon of salt
1 stick of butter (yikes - I know --maybe try margarine next time)
2 eggs
1/2 cup of milk
1/2 bag frozen raspberries

mix dry ingredients. fork in the butter until the dry mixture gets crumbly.
mix the egg and milk and pour over the mixture. Stir it pretty good. Add the raspberries.
dust a cutting board with flour and kneed the mixture. IT will be freezing with the frozen raspberries..

make 8-9 balls and place on a greased cookie sheet.

Bake for 15 mintues...

dumb

I was talking to my stage manager today. I was bemoaning the meeting I have this week.

She said, "what do you have to do?"

I said, "Well after rehearsal today I have to meet with the artistic director - and that will go for at least 2 hours."

"But you can sleep in tomorrow, right?"

"oh no - I have a 10am meeting, then the fitting, then rehearsal, then a special event"

'Your life is so dumb!" she exclaimed.

I started laughing. Yep - she's right. Silly meetings keep cropping up when I should be focused on the show.

She started apologizing for the comment right away - as tears of laughter were streaking down my cheek. She meant it's dumb that I have all those meetings - it just came out wrong...

It's kinda fun to think about my work life as just silly, ridiculous and at the moment dumb.

food

My metabolism is not what in once was.

I gained a few pounds after the trip to Hawaii and eating like hell working on a show that stressed me out. Stress used to make me skinny - now it makes me chunky. ARG.

So, the husband and I went on the South Beach diet. I know, I know - but it does work.

The first Phase is a hellish two weeks - which ends in 26 hours -thank god! Then I can eat fruit again and grain!

I realize that yes, shedding a few pounds (10 is the goal and i'm half way there) is a good idea. But changing my eating habits is really the reason to stick to it.

There are 4 coffee shops within walking distance from my office. I am a sucker for scones and any other sugary pastry that happens to call to me thru the glass. I would rather grab a candy bar than a piece of fruit... and let's not even mention the french fries and pizza addictions.

Now I am making hummus and eating fresh veggies. I'm thinking about what fabulous food I can cook. I love to cook. I still want pizza - but I'm going to whole wheat crust it and make it at home. I switched to Vegetarian refied beans years ago.. I can eat chocolate - but now in moderation (instead of inhaling it).

A decent exercise regime is next on the docket.

Now if I could just fine a low carb, sugar free scone that tastes good - life will be complete. And if I cold find a light sour cream that was good...

And if you think I am dieting on Thanksgiving - think again.

the city

I had a rude awakening the other day.

Since re-locating to Northern California, I have had a yearning to be in The City. Childhood memories of riding the Muni and Bart into the heart of downtown came flooding back. Strolling the streets, seeing theatre, and just the general vibe of a downtown core are still vivid in my mind.

I always wanted a Victorian house. Then I discovered what the going rate for even the most run-down decrepit ones... and I promptly realized I'd be able to buy an estate with two vineyards for that price.

But cost of living wasn't my rude awakening. Well, partly, since I know the place I'd like to live is completely out of reach...

It was the wall to wall houses. I had forgot how they are all butted up against each other. It was a wet day - and everything seemed a bit miserable.

There was no green.

No trees.

No bushes, unless they were caked in urine.

I was depressed...

like mommy...

This is about feminine hygiene products. So don't read if the topic makes you squeamish.

I remember when I was a kid - seeing my mom use a GIANT Kotex (early 70s). I thought we were all supposed to do that - so around the age of 4, I started folding up toilet paper and putting it in my undies.

My mother saw me do it one day and asked we what I was up to. I said, I wanted to be like Mommy.

She then got out the big 'Mother's Encyclopedia" and talked to me about female anatomy. A conversation that would have to be repeated around age 8 when I could more fully grasp the concepts of a reproductive system.

Tonight, I was attempting to have some private bathroom time - when in walks my two year old. She sees me using a similar - but now ultra thin - product.

She sees the package it came it. And demands to have one.

Okay, I'm curious. So I hand it to her.

She opens it up. Hands me the wrapper. She peals off the sticky part.

I ask her what she is going to do with it.

She replys "want it on my butt"

She then pulls her little jeans down and places it on her diaper. She pulls her jeans up and trots out into the living room - happy as a camper.

I think she might be too young for the birds and the bees conversation.

Think I need to get a lock for the bathroom door.

calls at dinner time

I think I am turning into a old cranky republican man...

Many many many years ago I donated money to a local Police Activities League. It was a phone solicitation and I felt that if my $15 bucks could help stop gang violence in LA by getting kids off the street - heck they can have it.

The following year (many many years ago) I give them $25. I do it the year after that too.

Each year I get a sticker for my car window - supporting the fund. Hmmm... I didn't get any tickets during those years.

Then it began. More phone solicitations - this time, from the Firefighter's Widows, Police Widows, different Police activities groups.

We move.

We change phone numbers.

We get on the "do not call" list.

They still find me.

Always at dinner time.

These are all good causes. Really. I should know. I always let them get thru their "script".

I try to tell them nicely that we have already given what we can afford to give this year. They employ the good 'ole - $15 is all we need - ploy. I try to explain (every time) that if I gave $15 to all the police/fireman organizations that call me, I couldn't make my mortgage.

I hang up - feeing awful. Every time. Damn, they're good.

But, then I get pissed. I gave to one group. Did they sell my name and phone number? OR am I on some sucker list somewhere? and hey, I don't live in LA anymore. And are these guys even non-profit organizations...

I have worked for non-profit all my adult life. I know how hard it is to raise money for a good cause. I know the importance of philanthropic giving.

When I got my promotion at work, the husband and I talked about what causes we would give money to this year. We came up with a list. It was an interesting exercise. You find out a lot about your partner and what is important to them when you talk about giving money. My fella is a good guy. I was impressed with his choices and why. Becomeing parents has changed our perspectives too.

If only we had a lot of money...

time warp

The last three times we visited the in-laws, a bizarre phenomena has occurred...

I take Soph upstairs around 8pm and lay on the bed with her until she is asleep and next thing I know the husband is waking me up and it is 10/10:30...

I then put on my Pjs and got to sleep until 7/8am when Soph wakes up... so basically 12 hours of sleep.

I hope they don't think I'm being anti-social.

But it is like a bizarre time bubble - I have no concept of time when we are there...

And even this trip when we kept showing Soph how the coo-coo clock worked - it seemed to chirp all the time and yet time seemed to go by so slowly...

way to much tv

I am driving to work today and listening to Terry Gross interviewing Dave Grohl (the drummer from Nirvana who started the Foo Fighters). I pulled into the local coffee drive thru place to get a latte (I am so bourgeois at times I make myself sick). Anyway, I missed some of the interview while I was ordering. I reached to my radio to rewind it. And then it hit me- you can't rewind live radio. I don't have TiVo in my car...

midnight

was the time she finally went to sleep.

Awake

My daughter has decided that it is better to be awake than asleep at 11pm. After rocking her to sleep (for an hour), I attempted to place her in her crib - only to have her wake up and Velcro herself to me. So, I gave up and took her to my bed. EYES WIDE OPEN. Then I am informed she is hungry. So, we give her some Os. Then she wants to watch "blue lady" dancing. Okay, we oblige. We make a deal. One Blue lady and then bed.

Now she is in our bed with her daddy (who is trying to give me a break so I can look at the catalog I love but can't afford anything in it.). I can hear her chatting up a storm in there.

The husband just walked out into the living room and Soph started chatting "momma! Mommma!".

Off I go...

Culinary Snob

Okay I admit it- I was eavesdropping. Well, it kinda hard not to when you tune into a high pitched little girly voice.

The husband and I were at a restaurant. We're both working from home today - so we got lunch together. And that's it (heavy sigh).

ANYWAY - I overheard this woman order "a bowl of mac and cheese, a small side of coleslaw and a Cornona". It took all of my willpower not to turn around and see what this woman looked like. She sounded 12.

At the end of our meal, I got up to use the lou and when I came back got a good look at the mac and cheese/beer drinking gal. Probably early 30s.

When I walked out of the restaunt with my honey - we giggled about her order - "odd" I said. And D said, "well, she had steak last night for dinner".

Looks like I am not the only one listening in.

commuter buddies

I used to work 5 minutes from my house. Really - I could make it to work in 2 songs on the radio.

Then we moved.
I had a baby.
We built a home office in the garage (well, my husband did this for me - he's a good guy -- it was either "build me a home office or read A ROOM OF ONE'S OWN" - he chose the former).

I soon after got a part-time job which as of this month has become full time. But it is a 45 minute - one hour commute...

When we moved, I re-connected with my big sister. She lives two hours away (the closest we've been geographically been since 1990). She and I found ourselves driving home from work around the same time. She had an hour commute as well. So began the cell phone conversations. And yes, I do have an ear piece.

She has since started her own business and works out of her home (lucky!). But she is still my commute buddy. Particularly when I am sitting in traffic. The good thing is, her life is much more dramatic than mine - so I just get to listen most of the time. There is nothing like real tales when you can't get NPR.

amour

I decided to watch the audience at a performance of this 18th century French comedy. One couple in the balcony started cuddling as the young lovers started falling madly in love. They laughed together with his arm over her shoulder,her hand on his knee and her head on his shoulder. So sweet.

The older ladies hit their friends with programs on all the dirty jokes - giggling like schoolgirls.

Odd - there were no men together at this particular performance. Groups of women and couples populated the house.

feminine intuition

So I was up in Washington Heights visiting a dear friend and at midnight - realizing he and his partner both needed to sleep - I decided to head back to Times Square. I could have taken a car service - but I'm a big ole cheapskate - so I took the subway.

I got to the platform, having just missed the A. And there were two 30-something women sitting on the bench. They were obviously friends - chatting about work and using silly noises to express their displeasure at their boss. I sat down on the other end of the bench.

Two 20-something guys walked onto the platform. They looked at us and just moved on.

Another woman, a 20-something blond with earphones, came down next. She sat in between me and the other two women.

The train arrived. We all stood up. As a group we walked onto the train through the same door (although where we stood you could choose from two cars). And although we never said a word to each other - we sat in a triangle pattern on the train. The blond and I fanned out on a bench - making it just awkward enough if someone dared sit between us. The other two sat huddled together across from us. Perfect equilateral triangle.

We all got off at 59th street and walked our separate ways.

I don't think I made eye contact with any of them - but we were well aware that we were a little pack moving together.

travel woes (aka complaining)

Three years ago I would have been thrilled to fly to NY for a couple days and work a bit.

Now.

ARG. I miss my girl and my hubby.

My special little guy (aka the boy dog) is in the hospital with some intestinal problems - he's going to be fine, but it is kinda scary. And I had to leave town with him not home yet.

I flew Jet Blue - which I really like because they have leg room and individual televisions. BUT I forgot to grab earphone when I got on the plane - and when I asked for a pair they didn't have any more. GRRR. But, I read an entire book on the flight. FLUKE - which was a lot of fun. Not as good as LAMB, but fun.

Then I got to the hotel: the Washington Jefferson on W. 51st. Now, I didn't book the room. I got a twin bed. YEs - there are hotels that have TWIN beds. This room is 1/2 the size of my college single dorm room. There is a funky stench. No place to put my little suitcase and a stall shower. Okay, I am not being a wimp -- but come on! It's off season, they could have spent a little time and probably gotten a deal at a better hotel, or a bigger room. Working for larger theaters has really spoiled me. (side note: I brought one of my friends some coffee and I have it out to fill my little den with its rich aroma.)

My flight got in at 10pm - so I didn't get to the hotel until 11pm. And there is no room service! (okay I am a spoiled brat). So, I had to go out and find a deli (yes in the middle of Times Square - talk about too many choices). And I ended up at this Gourmet Food store to get some munchies for my room. I picked up some trail mix and when I looked at the label - realized it was from Santa Cruz!

I do love New York. But I am just so tired of staying in Times Square...

interesting folks

So I went with my hubby to an opening at the opera - which consisted of a very fancy dinner, a couple song (one from Carmen) by the Baritone, and a bar (yippe for dirty martinis). And YES we did get a baby sitter. We wont go into the cost of that - let's just say I was happy dinner was free because my hubby worked on the show.

I sat next to this fascinating woman at dinner. She used to be a lawyer. She gave it up to be home with her sons. Her 8 year old (the other is now 10) was diagnosed with autism when he was quite young. And so, she has her hands full. She also just had a baby girl (a couple months younger than mine) with the same name as my daughter.

She started a nightgown business - because she wanted to see if she could do it. It hasn't broke even yet. I would put up the link to it, but you can't order on line yet... so I will when she adds that function. They're nightgowns in boutiques.

Anyway - I thought - WOW with all you have to deal with, you started this business. That is cool.

Japanese Toilet Training for Kids (English Subtitled)

Okay this had me laughing so hard!

Picasso

Sometimes this painting just makes me happy.

copy cat

Saw some friends of Sarah had these cool images for there profile... and I had to copy.... it was fun..

back to work blues

After a glorious week in Kauai, I had to go back to work. ARG.

It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so fricking HOT. In Kauai it was perfect weather - hot, but with the ocean breeze to make you forget that you were frying.

So I just get my memories of my daughter delighting in the sand-bottomed pool and all the roosters running amok, my husband exhilarated after taking a helicopter trip over the island, and my full day at a spa (massage, facial and wrap - totally indulgent).

It was a fabulous vacation.

vacation

We're going on our first REAL vacation tomorrow. The last time we traveled without ANY work commitments or networking was nine years ago.

In Europe people are REQUIRED to take vacations.

What is wrong with us?

thoughts du jour

I love my husband.
I know I'm being mushy...
but he gets upset (and I mean really upset) when he feels I am not being treated well.
And that is.. well... sexy...

Had a job interview today - an interview I have talked to length about with my mother and sister. Mom called just to say she was back from her trip and to see how packing was going for our vacation to Hawaii -- not one word about the interview OR about the show I opened last week... whatever...

But one of my dearest friends called to see how it went and so did one of my mommy friends--- that gave me warm fuzzies.

faith in humanity

• Two weeks ago one of the moms in my group suffered a horrific tragedy - the death of her husband three weeks after the birth of her second child. My mommy group was there for her - and is still there for her - and I know will continually be there for her for as long as need be. There was no hesitation by anyone in the group to help.
  

• When we stopped at a corner and saw a homeless man, my 23 month old daughter said, "needs money". There was compassion in her tiny voice.

finished

I finished the book.

I'm now in withdrawl...

maybe I should start book one again...

Cosmos Mystique Apparati

Sarah had this meme on her blog and I thought I would give it a go..

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?
Sandra Boyton's Blue Hat, Green Hat doesn't have enough pages...
but the book sitting under it says " The prominate Janstelli Gallery presented Ziller's first one man show of Cosmos Mystique Apparati."

2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching?
My boy dog's destroyed tennis ball.

3. What’s the last program you watched on TV?
TiVoed verson of MONSTERS INC.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
12:45am

5. Aside from the computer, what can you hear right now?
The boy dog's nails on the wood floor.

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?
Spent 12 hours outside working on a show today.

7. What are you wearing?
Jeans, Ugg boots, an Art Nouveau-esque top I got in the bargain bin at Express.

8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?
Yes. Can't remember. But I am sure it was stressful. Wizards and wands and stuff - read the new Potter book before going to bed.

9. When was the last time you laughed?
About two hours ago - we started getting punchy at rehearsal..

10. What’s on the walls, in the room you’re in right now?
A Dali print

11. Have you seen anything strange lately?
I work in the arts - so strange is a relative term.

12. What do you think about this meme?
cool.

13. What’s the last film you saw?
Other than the Tivoed MONSTERS INC? I saw (TiVoed) DEVIL WEARS PRADA - bu thtat might not count because I fast forwarded some of it to get to the end quicker... the last movie I sat thru all the way without interuption was the DVD of PAN'S LABARYINTH.


14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?
Start a Foundation and spread the wealth.

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don’t know.
I really do like sci-fi/fantasy novels. Shhhh..


16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt, what would it be?
Global Warming

17. Do you like to dance?
yes

18. George Bush?
As my bummer sticker says "More Trees, less Bushes"

19. What do you want your children’s names to be, girl/boy?
Sophia/Jack

20. Would you ever consider living abroad?
yes. done it. love it.

21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven?
You did good.

22. Who should do this meme?
anyone who wants to... no pressure.

thin

Saw my mom and my sisters on Saturday.

Walked in the door and the first comment was: "you're so skinny"

I haven't bunged a pound in over a year.

My 16 year old niece said the same thing.

Either everyone thinks I was this HUGE beast all my life, or they just have an image of me being fat, or we're just conditioned to comment on each other's weight.

I looked at my brother-in-law - who gave me a quizzical look when I scowled at the comment.

"I just wish that ONCE weight would not be mentioned within the first 30 seconds of a greeting"

BTW: When I had my horrid bout of acid reflux last week - I called the doctor and she asked if I was overweight (ruling out heart issues - since acid relux feels like a heart attack -- longer story that I will get into later) - I said I'm 5'6" and weigh 135. "Oh you're totally fine then" was her comment.

procrastination

My least favorite word and yet a state I LOVE to be in.

It is my nemesis. As I sit here after getting my daughter to bed, with a deadline breathing down my neck, the word has popped into my head. Wouldn't I rather get the damn thing finished and then reward myself with the episode of Eureka I have TiVoed? Or get the sleep that I so desperately need...

I guess the answer is NO - because I am now writing on my blog and pondering if I should drink coffee...

I am in a hell of my own making.

And thank you American Heratige Dictionary for this lovely definition of the word:
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

"habitual carelessness or laziness" - ouch!

Going to work now.

banana bread

The first time - didn't cook it enough

The second time - good, but the boy dog ate it.

The third time - great, but the dog ate it. Think the boy dog got it down and the girl dog helped him finish - they were both guilty as hell when we got home.

The fourth time - perfect and I dropped it taking it out of the oven. Now it sits in two distinct pieces - hopefully out of countertop range of my boy's keen longs snout.

I think I need to just go back to making chocolate mousse.

reading update

Finally got chance to start Perfect Madness... so far so good - at least she admits she is only chatting with upper-middle class women... more when I'm done.

will be following that read with God is not Great... oh boy

but I will probably have to put those on hold because this woman's book is coming out. And yes, I pre-ordered mine. oh boy oh boy!

sleep update

Sunday night: 5 hours (not straight)
Monday night: 4 hours (not straight)
Tuesday night: 4 hours

naps: zero

I feel like I am in college again
and I don't like it

I am...

I am worried about the fever my daughter had all day yesterday.

I am working on a beautiful Shakespeare play that humbles me everyday as I learn more and more about it.

I am worried about the fever my daughter had all last night.

I am pondering why I constantly spell yesterday yesturday.

I am delighted that my daughter has her own dance to Dora's 'we did it" song.

I am hoping to be able to wean myself off of the caffeine (in the form of that glorious dark elixir called coffee) that I have become re-addicted to.

oh and

I am praying I dont go into existential angst this week.

But today I am...

You Are a Daisy

You see the world with an artist's eye. Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments. You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets. You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in.

What Flower Are You?

what flower am I?

You Are a Carnation

You are down to earth and grounded. You tend to be more traditional than trendy. Your confidence gets you through anything. People trust you and are very loyal to you.

What Flower Are You?

L'Apres-midi d'un Faune - The Paris Opera Ballet

Inspiration for a show I am working on.... enjoy!

Father's Day gifts

My Father's Day gifts to my husband

a happy toddler with a chocolate smile

a right boob bigger than the left

a dog with a new haircut

and three and a half hours alone with his daughter because I had to work on father's day

The Feminine Mistake

So, I have finally finished this book and I am, well, disappointed and yet exhilarated at the same time... how can this be? Before I get into the reasons for said disappointment, I need to say that the premise of the book is quite important and I completely understand and respect the value of such a treatise today.

The book talks about the dangers when women become financially dependent on their spouses by leaving the job pool to raise their children. I remember in high school, our next door neighbor left his wife for a younger woman. This wife had not worked in 15 years, had no job skills and was terrified. Yep - that is the fear. What do you do when your spouse leaves you or dies and you have no "current" or "marketable" skills, no money, etc. Or what happens if he loses his job? Our author quotes a lot of scary statistics - how hard it is for women to re-renter the work force after leaving even for a few years, how child support doesn't help cover costs; how ageist our society is about women; etc.

Although the author talks about interviews middle-class and lower-middle class families - the majority of her examples are upper class women with MBA from places like Princeton and Harvard who are married to successful lawyers, brokers, etc. This is where I have issue - and the main cause for my disappointment in this book. What about those of us in other professions? I am tired of the feminist movement targeting upper-class white women! I don't know anyone who isn't just scarping by - and I know professional women, waitresses, actors, doctors and teachers. And yes, I know a lot of women who have (in their late 30s/ early 40s) made the choice to stopped working to raise their children. Our author, a journalist, has the luxury (as do I - and it IS a luxury) of working from home and really creating her own hours. But a lot of women need to 9 to 5 it - so what of them? What of the families that need two incomes to just survive? I live in one of the most expensive places in the country - anywhere else we would have a five-bedroom home and all the latest amenities - and we're not wealthy AT ALL. We're comfortable - but I can't send my kid to a private school - or vacation at a lake house - like so may of the women sited in this book.

Back to the good of the book with some other interesting factoids: most women who give up their careers didn't really like them to begin with or were faced with a lot of stress/hostility perpetrated by their bosses and/or peers when they got pregnant; the way some men use the purse strings as a way of abusive control (we all saw the Joy Luck Club); women's ignorance about how hard it is to actually enter back in to the workplace after a absence of any length; empty nest syndrome; the depression that comes when the kids don't really "need" you hovering; the silence women feel they must keep when they LIKE their work and how women do not tout their own accomplishments because our society thinks women should be humble; success stories of women who did stay home but managed to keep a finger in the business world whether though volunteer work or other such things that made them still bankable upon their opting back in; the fact that we are living longer thus child-rearing is only a fraction of a woman's life span; how men with wives and families are viewed as "stable" employees but with women it is a liability.

It is in the latter chapters - if you don't get to frustrated with the sob stories of these wealthy ladies - that it gets interesting and accessible to all types of women. Statistic about working women and how they have less stress than stay-at-home Moms; the examples working/non-working sets for the children - if a mom can live off the father, why can't the kid?; statistics that children who go to day care are often brighter and more socially adept than children who do not and are just raised by stay-at-home moms; that working moms , on average, actually spend 2 hours MORE per week interacting with their children (in fact that statistic has increased for fathers too) than stay-at-home moms.

A chapter called Home Equity is about how women who work still do the majority of the housework. She sites examples that when men do help around the house it decreases stress for everyone. She discusses (I wish with more detail) the anger/frustration working women get when their partners do NOT help out. Another chapter talks about Men - how men want someone who is also the bread winner - someone who is an intellectual equal - and take the pressure off being the sole provider. But there are those men who want to have the wife dealing with the kids and household while they earn the $$$.

But perhaps the most frightening thing in this book is about how more and more women are getting Masters degrees, PHds, etc and then opting out and how this is effecting enrollment and admittence to major universities. If x% of the economics graduates are women - then why is x% of working economists women?. The idea of how women are conditioned to think about work as "jobs" and not "careers".

I admit that I just wanted something more from this book. I wanted to know HOW we can change the media coverage that makes women feel bad when they go back to work. This country has told women that if they have a baby-sitter they are bad moms; if they don't have food on the table waiting when everyone gets home from school that they have FAILED; if they don't keep a clean house, they're horrid. It's a load of bull that has been dished out. WHY? Is it the republican government and the Christian coalition that so permeated this country with old school 50s mentality of gender relationships. How can we change the working mom perception? Women are barraged with an enormous amount of guilt anyway - WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP IT.

I love my work. I love to do what I do. And I LOVE my daughter and I would die for her and do anything for her. Why can't I be both? This books says I can - thank you Leslie Bennetts! But, our culture gives me the evil eye. What can I do to stop people from asking me, "what are you going to do about the baby?" How can I stop my grandmother from saying she thinks its wrong that I'm at work? How can I stopped be judged for being a mother?

Leslie Bennets wrote this interesting article when her book came out - its worth a read.

I am reading Perfect Madness by Judith Warner next.

Women In Art

Thought this was beautiful... a friend sent me the link. Enjoy

Blue Light Special

Okay - yes I was in a KMART. I had to buy a bin to pack up some antiques to store in the garage. It's true. Plus, there is no Target within 20 miles - so... better KMART than Wallmart - am I wrong?

Anyway - so here I am, putting a bin in my "carriage" when over the loud speaker they announce the "blue light special". Of course I had to see what it was all about. I thought Blue Light Specials were urban legend. But, sure enough - a blue light flashes and a guy comes out to demo a product. It was this European Magic Shammy. But before they tell you what the "deal" is - you have to stand there for 20 minutes while the sales guys demos it and tells you want a fantastic deal "only you" will get for being a Kmart shopper. So the "deal" is really 2-for-1. And the product had a "as seen on TV" logo on it. Enough said.

Okay - not enough. As I walked away (without the product) over to the cheap kids clothes (hey - I'm a mom on a budget), I saw of the 20 or so folks gathered around that 75% of them bought the stuff. Of that 75%, I'd say 90% were over the age of 65 and female. Hmmm.

Did I tell you I'm reading a book called The Feminine Mistake? More on that after I finish it.

mommy

Sophia has switched from calling me "mama" to calling me "mommy". I love it.

work or mom

Having one of those - should I work or stay at home with my baby - kinda days. I just started working on a new play. My hours are long - because I have a 45minute to an hour commute one way. I just got an offer for another gig in January. And I may be doing something in November. I don't quite know how to feel.

I rocked my daughter to sleep tonight and it was the happiest I have been all day.

work or mom

Having one of those - should I work or stay at home with my baby - kinda days. I just started working on a new play. My hours are long - because I have a 45minute to an hour commute one way. I just got an offer for another gig in January. And I may be doing something in November. I don't quite know how to feel.

I rocked my daughter to sleep tonight and it was the happiest I have been all day.

not preggers

Ahh - well we tried this month. I had a horrible dream last night, woke up and discovered there was not to be a baby in nine months. I'm sad. But, I was super stressed this last month - so I am not surprised. But looking forward to another month of trying... hmm... what fun we will have.

vow to blog more

Can I commit to blogging more regularly? Hmmm... Fun ideas to write about hit me while I drive and then promptly leave my consciousness by the time I get to the lap-top. Perhaps I don't want to share... is that so wrong?

Today Soph ran around in some Dora the Explorer Pjs that some friends gave us (hand-me-down from her kids) and she quickly found a pair of Dora shorts (from of my mother) and put them on over her Pjs. BTW: she had on long Pj bottoms and Dora PJ shorts over those BEFORE putting on the regular Dora shorts... If only I could have found my camera. She loves that Dora.

memories

One of Soph's new favorite words is WHALE. So, I put in a video that had whales and other ocean creatures. Well, they showed a seal. And suddenly I remembered this momma seal and baby seal stuffed animal that I had as a kid. The baby was white and the momma was grey. I loved them and with Bernard (who I still have), I took them everywhere. Wow, I wonder what happened to them.

my heart hurts

Yep, it does. My baby and my husband are 450 miles away and I miss them. I get to see them tomorrow and I know then I will be 100% better.

food

So, you don't have to be a REAL chef to get a show on the Food Network. Hmmm. That seems odd, huh?

A laugh

So I had to buy feminine hygiene products at a drugstore around midnight in New York. my best friend pointed out that in the same aisle that the maxi pads are - there are also those little sword toothpicks. Hmmmm...

the cable

I cannot find the UBS cable for my digital camera. I took some of the cutest pictures today and I cannot download them. Its depressing because D is away and I want him to be able to see pictures of his daughter... Looks like a trip to Radio Shack. Goody goody.

Books Books and Books

I like to keep track of what I read. I used to keep it all on my PDA - but lost it all when I moved to my new (and much loved) Mac. So, here is a list of the books I read this year 2006 (well what I can remember reading).

Diary of a Lost Boy* by Harry Kondoleon
Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Jesus' Lifelong Pal* by Christoper Moore
The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
The Life of Pi* by Yann Martel
Jitterbug Perfume* by Tom Robbins
The Magician's Assistant by Ann Prachet
The Eyre Affair* by Jasper Fjorde
Shopgirl by Steve Martin
Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

*means I highly recommend it!

Now, those are books I read for the pleasure of the read - and also as part of the book club I started with my mommy group. I also read oodles of plays for work and non-fiction for research for shows. The list would be giant if I included the books on Eugene O'Neill and Bertorlt Brecht that I have been pouring thru as well as books on theatre theory... Maybe I'll include those next year.

My goal by my birthday 2007 is to have finished WAR AND PEACE. Wish me luck!

Yule tide

From Wikipedia..

Yule is the winter solstice celebration of the Scandinavian Norse mythology and Germanic pagans. In Neopaganism, this celebration is largely reconstructed to various extents by various groups. In Wicca, a form of the holiday is observed as one of the eight solar holidays, or sabbats, where Yule is celebrated on the winter solstice: in the northern hemisphere, circa December 21, and in the southern hemisphere, circa June 21.

"Yule" and "Yuletide" (also see Yalda) are also archaic terms for Christmas, sometimes invoked in songs to provide atmosphere. Indeed, this is the only meaning of "Yule" accepted by either the full Oxford English Dictionary or the Concise Oxford Dictionary, and people unfamiliar with ancient Norse mythology's pagan traditions will not distinguish between Yule (Joul) and Christmas. This usage survives in the term "Yule log"; it may also persist in some Scottish dialects. In Denmark, Norway and Sweden the term "jul" is still the most common way to express Christmas, as well as "joulu" in Finland and "jõulud" in Estonia.

What is certain, is that Yule celebrations at the winter solstice predate Christianity, and though there are numerous references to Yule in the Icelandic sagas, there are few accounts of how Yule was actually celebrated, beyond the fact that it was a time for feasting. 'Yule-Joy', with dancing, continued through the Middle Ages in Iceland, but was frowned upon when the Reformation arrived. It is, however, known to have included the sacrifice of a pig for the god Freyr, a tradition which survives in the Scandinavian Christmas ham.

The confraternities of artisans of the 9th century, which developed into the medieval guilds, were denounced by Catholic clergy for their "conjurations" when they swore to support one another in coming adversity and in business ventures. The occasions were annual banquets on December 26,

"feast day of the pagan god Jul, when it was possible to couple with the spirits of the dead and with demons that returned to the surface of the earth... Many clerics denounced these conjurations as being not only a threat to public order but also, more serious in their eyes, satanic and immoral. Hincmar, in 858, sought in vain to Christianize them" (Rouche 1987, p. 432).

And I can't help...

...lovin' that man of mine. A friend told me that when the baby is between 15-19 months - things can get pretty intense with couples - stressful that is. So, here are ten reasons why I love my husband today, in no particular order:

1. He did the laundry.

2. He says he loves me every time we talk on the phone - no matter who is in the room with him.

3. He pretends not to know what I bought him for Christmas.

4. He introduced me to the Simpsons (the cartoon) almost 13 years ago and we laugh like hell at it.

5. He tries really hard to distract the baby so I can take a shower. He really does.

6. He brings in firewood and takes out the garbage.

7. He just looked really sexy when I watched him (from my car) buying new tires for his car...

8. He loves the baby.

9. He waits for me to get home so we can open the holiday cards together.

10. He's brilliant and doesn't flaunt it.

oral hygenie

I went to the dentist today for the first time in about 8 years. I was shocked and well, flabbergasted, that I did NOT have any cavities. I know! And I had a baby - which has caused major dental issues for all the women in my family. So, I got a bit of a polite scolding about flossing (since I never do) and a referral to have my upper wisdom teeth looked at -- yes I only had the bottom ones removed in jr, high. Anyway - I am so happy. So very very happy...

whaa?

So, I just finished reading SHOPGIRL by Steve Martin - not a bad little novella. And I'm dressed for work, feeling a bit fat since I'm wearing pre-pregnancy clothes that are a bit dated. I'm getting gas at the neighborhood station and as I sit in my car (with the door open) so I don't get went from the rain,a s the gas fills my car - a man starts talking to me. He's probably 54, he's got whitish grey hair, in a suit (nice tie) and driving a Passat. Reminds me a bit of Steve Martin and hey, I just read that book. So the guy's yacking about the news in Baghdad. Now, my vanity says - hey he's trying to pick you up. So I nonchalantly scratch my nose with my wedding ring finger - and he's still chatting. Whatever, he's pleasant. Then the humdinger of all humdingers: he asks "Do you have a bible in your house?" I look to left field. What? A Bible. I say "yes" because I do. I neglect to say I also have a variety of other different religious books like the Koran, the Gita, the I Ching, and a Book of Shadows. So, he starts in on how he was Episcopalian and he is trying to figure out how to talk to his kids about what is happening in the Middle East. By this time I am done gassing up. I start to get in to my car and he says "Have the Jehovah's Witness ever come to your door?" I looked at him cautiously and said "no". "Well," he says, "here take this - this was incredibly helpful for me." Yes dear readers - a Jehovah's Witness pamphlet. What do I do? Take it? Of course. It's raining. I'm running late for work. Do I really want to get into a religious debate with a zealot in the middle of a gas station? So I thank him and leave. As I drive the 50 minutes to work - I am annoyed with myself about being polite. Well, first I'm annoyed that I thought he was trying to pick me up - then I was annoyed that I didn't give him a piece of my mind... I thought of several witty retorts - but it was too late, the moment was past. So I put in some Sondheim and sang along on my drive.

being overwhelmed

Everything came to a bit of a head this morning. I got a bit overwhelmed with the universe. So, my husband took the baby and I took my laptop and came to a coffee shop. All, the exquisite calming qualities of a soy latte. I realize that I am having a hard time working at home. If the house is even remotely messy - I will spend the 4 hour block I have cleaning or organizing. Then, that overwhelmed feeling creeps in and I start to spin. Arg.

menus

I need to figure out the menu for Thanksgiving. My sister and her family are coming. We are going to do a Turkey, of course, and garlic mashed potatoes. But what sides? We need a veggie. We also need a dessert. I need to make chocolate mousse for the husband -- but the last time I made it for my sibs family, they didn't seem to care for it. I wasn't offended - it's pretty damn rich. So what kind of dessert do I make? Hmmm. I'm not a fan of pie. But I could do some kind of pudding, I guess... I don't know. I'm annoyed that food tv isn't really helpful -- it is just super traditional. I want something fun and unexpected.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday - so the menu is tres important. At least I have a couple days before I need to start buying stuff.

And I need to make fudge...

lack of sleep

This morning I overslept and barely made it to a 9am meeting. I was a guest speaker in this class and I was so exhausted that I became MANIC. So, I am a big giant freak -- but at least I am entertaining...

rent a car

Yes, I have a little Mazda rent a car while I am waiting to see what the bill on my car is going to be... I feel like I am driving a golf cart...

where does the dollar go

So I spent over $100 at the grocery store yesterday and yet there is nothing to eat in my house. How can that be?

ARG

So, yesterday the clutch in my car went wonky. This happened as I was driving my sick daughter home after she vomited all over both of us. So, inspired by my friend Sarah's blog, I am going to list ten things I am thankful for:

1. My husband and daughter. To be loved and love in return is the greatest thing in the world.

2. Freya and Baldur. Two dogs that get into everything and I wouldn't have them any other way.

3. Pizza.

4. Chocolate.

5. Wine and port.

6. The Democrats wining the house.

7. The London Philharmonic playing Led Zeppelin. They do Pink Floyd too -- must get that album.

8. Sunsets - tonight was beautiful

9. Having my own washer and dyer. Really. No foolin' - I am so grateful for that.

10. Kisses

the calm

I am sitting here in my living room. There is a fire in the fireplace keeping the whole house warm. My daughter is asleep in her crib. One of the dogs is curled up in front of the fireplace. The other is patrolling the house. My husband is at work. And I just had a fudgesicle.

It is nice to just take a deep breath.

Led Zeppelin?

So I was sleeping on the sofa with my daughter -- long day -- both of us were tired. And I woke up in a haze to some incredibly sad music. I said to my husband, "that is so sad... and beautiful... I want to cry". So he clicked the TiVo (yes we listen to an eclectic satellite radio station) and it turned out to be the London Philharmonic playing Led Zeppelin. So we bought the album on iTunes. It's fantastic!

mac here I come

So I'm going to do it. I am converting from my POS PC to a MacBook... I'm a little scared of that kindof technology shift. But, I think it will be for the best. I have not had a lot of good luck with laptops. The one I am currently using has a fan that drowns out my washing machine, in addition to making a metal-on-metal grinding sound, and an adapter that almost caught fire the other day. Not to mention being slower than a Galapagos turtle mating. So, farewell my PC. We'll be together for just a few more days. I'd like to say I'll miss all the crashes and lost data --but I wont.

a few weeks later...

Well, our day care person said that the 3rd week is the good one... and she was right. My girl only fusses for a few minutes. I say, "Mommy has to go to work" and she come over and gives me a hug and a kiss. Them she reaches for her care-giver. Once I put my shoes back on she fusses, but then points to the window so she can wave at me as I go to the car. It is such a huge relief. She is having a good time too - painting, playing in with water, and climbing on "safe" structures.

Big sigh of relief. And a little tear that she is growing up so fast.

What happens when you go back to work.

I just went back to work. Today I dropped my daughter off at day care and she cried. So, I called about 15 minutes into my drive to check on her -- and she was still crying. I called 15 minutes after that and she was fine. My husband picked her up and got the daily report from her day care teacher. She was upset when I left and then had some fun, but then got sad for the rest of the afternoon. My heart broke when I heard that.

She was sad.

I guess it is supposed to get better by week three... which will be next week. Until then, I will be sad too...

e-mail

A friend of mine told me that her husband reads her e-mail. ALL OF IT. EVERYDAY. I was shocked. I guess his rational is that "what have you got to hide". Although, she doesn't have access to HIS e-mail account. HMMM... Now, I have known couples that "share" an e-mail address - that has always driven me a bit bonkers... but WHATEVER... in those cases I always knew either one could read the e-mail. But, in the case of my friend - I had no idea he had access. Not that I ever said anything bad -- but do I really want him to know when I am on my cycle? or how my breast are doing with the whole breast-feeding thing? No, I don't. So, now I have to remember that there is another set of eyes on the e-mail. It just makes it weird.

My husband could read my e-mail any time - and I his. But we don't. It's private. I think it should be. I'd never open his mail. So why would I open his e-mail.

Venom part 2

So, I found out who posted the nasty comments about me. And low and behold, it was someone I had to fire years ago for being belligerent to one of the producers on a show. The website for these reviews recently added a way to see the other "names" commenters use. And this "commenter" has a plethora of other names where he pontificates and harasses other artists. I got off easy, his comments about other people are borderline slanderous. He also used two pseudonym's to post nasty comments about one company and then used his true identity to champion the same company. Poor guy needs some serious help. He is just a sad individual with so much hostility.

I feel better knowing who it is, all though the original sting still hurts.

Ode to Stem Cells

I am so upset about Bush's Veto....

I wrote this last year for a show

ODE TO STEM CELLS
By the Grace of God, we found you
Hidden, deep within the well of our mortality.
Our spirit.
By the Wiles of Man, we have embraced you
The knowledge of nature that is awakened within you.
Our essence.
To extend our fleeting, minuscule existence
Determined by God, now by Man or by God through Man
The ailments of yore and the impending plagues
alleviated and exacerbated within the human frame.
By the Physics of Immortaliy, we comprehend you
But we can never grasp the truth of the venture.
Our moral fiber
For we cannot reach to the heavens only imagine.

Stuck at home...

I just can't seem to turn the TV off. My daughter has been ill for the last week and we have been stuck at home. Normally, I would be outside with her or on a playdate with other moms and babies. But, we have been here and tomorrow we get to get back out in to the world. Yippee!

In our "confinement" I have watched a lot of TV and movies. I have all these books, but every time I try to read - she wants to know what I have in my hand. I wasn't worried about having the TV on too much, but now my daughter is actually starting to WATCH it. She is sucked into her "baby crack" aka Baby Einstein videos -- but now, she's even watching the news with me. This is bad.

So happy we're getting out of the house tomorrow...

Speed demons

Yes, another walking the dog tale...

There is no sidewalk where I live. So, when I put the baby in the carrier and walk the two dogs, I have to be careful around certain bends in the road. I don't mind the traffic - there is not that much. Plus the majority of drivers, slow down and move to the side as to not even get close to us... But there are others who drive 35 or 40 mph in this residential district. They seem oblivious to people walking on the road. And its not just me walking - there are kids playing and joggers and other folks with their dogs. Sometimes I have to suppress the urge to throw the dogs' poop bag at their windshield.

Dogs

I have two of the best dogs on the planet. Yes I am bias in my views. I recognize that to some people my dogs are ill-behaved and crazy. But I love them. They get a long walk every morning. I follow the rules, I have them on leashes and I pick up their poop. They love their walk and I love to walk with them. But, some people don't. The first time we walked our dogs in our neighborhood, one of the dog marked a rose bush - well the owner of said rose bush came running out and yelled at us. How dare we let our dog near his house. (Please note there is no sidewalk where we live and there is a lot of wildlife). We nicknamed this man "the grinch" and make sure we walk in the middle of the street when we pass his house. So, today I actually saw him for the first time since the yelling incident (which was at least 2 years ago). I had my daughter in a carrier strapped to my front and both dogs on leashes. He was trimming his roses. There were three little boys on bikes riding up and down the street. He scowled at them. Then he saw me and just stopped and watched me walk by. No hello, no "f you", nothing. Just his had on his hip with his rose clippers. I felt I was seeing a Stephen King character in the flesh. He finally went back to pruning after we turned the corner - I could hear the clippers. And yes - I made sure he wasn't coming after me. My husband and I have often mused at leaving him a present -- no, not a poop on fire in a bag present - but a nice gift. Grumpy people like that can sometimes be very lonely and therefore ornery. Maybe he just needs someone to love.

But back to the days stroll...

As we walked we came across a Rottweiler, very nice dog. But, he was off his leash, hanging with his owners in the front of his house. He startled us by jumping out of a bush - and his owners promptly called him back. Damn near gave me a heart attack. That is a big problem in our literal "neck of the woods" - people don't mind the leash laws, nor do they care if their dogs wonder around. Could this be why the grinch hates dogs?

I've brought a bunch of strays home - called their owners and had them picked up. Thank goodness I've done that because one of our dogs got out when we were in San Diego and a good Samaritan called us. Karma points are good things to build up. During the heavy rains and thunderstorms we had this year - dogs were getting out all the time. This is why our dogs stay in the house when we're not home...

Today's contemplations

Today I contemplated the following (not in this order)
1. Lunch.
2. Why people hit their brakes when they see a cop giving someone a ticket
3. Why my dog has no will power when in comes to chicken
4. Breakfast
5. How I am going to get my daughter to sleep the night in her crib.
6. String theory
7. The final Jeopardy answer
8. Who Shakespeare actually wrote the sonnets to
9. What color to dye my hair
and
10. What to do with my life...

Venom

I work in a field where everyone thinks they are experts. Yep - the wacky world of the arts. Everyone is entitled to their opinion - I could care less if someone doesn't like my work - my work is not for everyone. But to personally attack me is another story. A certain website that posts reviews allows its readers to comment on the reviews. Following a very good review, a certain reader, who had NOT seen the work in question, immediately, upon seeing my name attached, dismissed it as rubbish. Another person said I didn't know "which end is up" - on any of my work. Now, there were other people who rallied to my side, championed the work and me and seemed rational. But, the venom is what I can't shake - it is quite malicious. It was directed at ME not the work. Obviously, there are some people out there that really hate me. That's a disturbing thought.

I know I shouldn't let it bug me -- but I do.

PC Police

Okay - I thought the whole "PC" craze was over -- but obviously NOT! I was talking with a group of moms and mentioned that my daughter was babysat by some friends in their "lesbian love den." I was immediately pounced upon that I was not being PC. WHAT! First of all, those were my friends words, not mine. Second of all - it was said with a great deal of affection. Most of my friends are gay, and I have never had to watch what I say in front of them. But these hyper-sensitive heterosexuals made me feel awful.

So I chatted with another mom after everyone had left. "Did I say something wrong?" I asked her. She explained, that there are certain people in this VERY liberal area in which we live, that just don't understand or know gay folks - and thus are terrified themselves that they will say something offensive and be considered homophobic.

Great, so now I am being judged because these people are narrow minded. I have to say - it really made me feel like crap. These women are part of a Moms group that I hooked up with so my daughter could play with other kids. I guess I am just going to have to limit my conversation to poopy diapers and the weather.

I think they all need to watch some Carlos Mencia.

The supermarket check out

Yes, I am ashamed. I did it. I looked at the People magazine with the "bragelina" baby. I was in the checkout line and there it was. I was curious - I wanted to see what $4 million plus bought ya. They were very professional, of course. Ms. Jolie looked relaxed and happy - not sleep deprived, like most new moms. They must have a nanny and a good make-up artist. Cute baby, but then all babies are adorable. It's pretty disgusting that celebrities have so much power. At least they donated the money to a charitable cause - hey I know a lot about this child and this couple - why is that? Oh yeah - because every frickin' news channel has covered it. Soldiers are dying over seas, we are suffering from global warming, and yet, this baby has dominated the news. Hmmm. And did I look at the Time or Newsweek in the check out line -- nope. What is wrong with me. But I wasn't the only one. There were a bunch of very embarrassed people flipping through those pages. No one bought it (at least not in my line), but we all took a gander.

The universe is vast...

...and there are days when I feel like a little speck.

Flying and other modes of transportation

In the last few weeks I have been on six airplanes. I have four more (two trips) left and then I'm done. It's all business. My daughter has been flying home and back with me. At 9 months she is really active -- but is an amazing traveler. She smiles at everyone and only gets fussy if she's hungry. I warn anyone that sits next to me that I will be nursing during the flight - and I have not met with any animosity. Sine I get to preboard - it is up to others to choose to sit next to me (I've been flying on Southwest - so you can pick your seat). I hold my child so she is standing on my lap -- very easy to see. The only problem has been that she seems to like falling asleep on the decent -- so I have to wake her up to get off the plane -- and she does air her displeasure.

Lots of moms seem to travel in the mid-afternoon. I have yet to see a Dad solo with a baby -- toddler, yes - baby, no. And most of the moms are solo. Hmmm... wonder what that means...

I had to rent a car on one of these round trips. You can only rent automatics. Now, I have only been driving a "stick" for about four years. I love it. Automatics are boring. The guys at the rent-a-car place when I returned ut were overly gregarious. It was kinda annoying - and grotesque. But, when I picked up the car - they took four phone calls before they helped me and that too was annoying.

todays borrowed thought

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper.
Robert Frost

Technology dependent

I have been without internet for over a week. I had 121 messages (not counting junk mail) in my in-box. It was rather frustrating to not have access from my own computer -- I could check it from other people's. But, I will admit, there was something nice about not being tied to the computer every night.

I also lost my cell phone a couple weeks ago. I was lazy and did not put phone #s in my palm - so when I lost the phone, I lost everyone's numbers. I didn't even have my mom's number. Thank god I actually knew my older sisters "digits" - and she gave me the important ones. Now, one would think these numbers would be in my palm pilot. Wrong. I forgot to hotsink with my desktop 10 months ago and my desktop was attacked by 21 spyware viruses, prompting me to do a clean sweep of my computer. The only file forgot to back-up --- you guessed it, my phonebook...

For mother's day my husband got me a camera phone - it's pretty nice. And as irony would have it - the week I got the phone, he broke our digital camera. So now my phone is the only way to chronicle out daughter's life.

I am technology dependent.

Quote of the Day

Creativity is first of all an act of destruction. - Pablo Picasso

Judas, Lutherans and Da Vinci

I've been reading about the Gospel of Judas – I watched the National Geographic special – which is not as good as the magazine’s article on the same subject. I completely addicted to this kind of stuff. Religion is a fascinating topic – all religions interest me. In high school I took a philosophy/religion class – which was amazing. I don’t think public schools can get away with something like that now (thank you Mr. Bush). But, it opened my eyes to the world -- I had been living in my own myopic universe. We did a semester on Philosophy – from Socrates to Foucault – and a semester on world religions from Christianity to Confucianism. It was around this time, I started collecting writings on different religions, and collecting texts.

My father is a Lutheran minister but I would not classify myself as anything. Perhaps it is my way of rebelling but I don’t want to define myself according to an organized religion. I am drawn to religion from a scholarly perspective, I think. Maybe I am just trying to figure out what “fits.” Who knows. I just don’t see how one group of people can be “right.”

My dad’s side of the family had a reunion last summer. Now, these are a bunch of terrific people. All of my uncles are ministers and my aunt is married to one (my grandfather was a minister too) – so let’s just say – religion is super imortant. Anyway – they put together a new family list, complete with addresses, e-mails and birthdays. And now I get a Lutheran magazine delivered to my house every month. Perhaps my relatives noticed my sister and me “faking” our way through the Prayers of Thanksgiving. Or maybe it was the way we chose NOT to discuss what we do on Sunday mornings (for me it’s usually coffee and reading the New York Times; for my sister it’s sleeping in). But, someone must have thought we needed a subscription to the magazine – that we needed a little “saving.” It wasn’t just sent to me, but my sister as well. Perhaps it is curiosity, like watching The Factor, but I flip through it. It’s interesting but heavy handed. It’s not going to change my views on religion.

Back to the topic at hand: years ago, I read Elaine Pagel's books on the Gnostic Gospels (and her Origin of Satan – which is a great read) – so this latest info on Judas doesn’t exactly surprise me. Besides, anyone who has seen Jesus Christ Superstar (one of my favorite musicals) – sees sympathetic Judas, different from the one depicted in the bible

What disturbs me are the people that are so adamant about the bible being the word of God and their fervor to defend it. And what I find even more disconcerting is the growing number of people who quote verse from the bible without having read it and then try to convert you! My father has been known to have full-on conversations with these door-to-door bible thumpers. The end result is usually the undoing of the door ringing nuisance by my father’s gift of debate. To my father’s credit, he actually liked The Last Temptation of Christ and saw it as an interesting interpretation of the passion. I have yet to ask him if he saw Mr. Gibson’s foray into the biblical film genre.

What I find quite silly (because to find it unsettling would give it way too much clout), is the millions of Da Vinci code fans that think Dan Brown stumbled onto some “new” information. That’s just ridiculous and people should read more than just fiction written like a screenplay. Esoteric texts have been readily available for years (currently in internet form on the Sacred Text Archive – which is fantastic site and I recommend checking it out – see the links to the side). Besides, he is not the first person to take on the bible… There was another book I remember reading when I was in junior high. Can’t remember the name of it. But, at the end – the romantically linked couple came across some old pottery, which held scrolls. The scrolls held the last words of God – in which God admits he made a mistake in creating the ‘flawed’ man and is going to leave us to our own devises… I remember telling my mother – who gave me the book – “Well that actually makes sense.” Unfortunately, the author didn’t quite know how to end his story (sorta like Dan Brown) and the couple decides that it would shatter the world to reveal their findings, so they keep the secret… Too bad…