home ownership

To the concept of home ownership,

Hi. You're a super cool concept. I mean really - instead of paying rent, you earn equity. You can paint, modify, alter your house (within state building codes) to your hearts desire. Its really cool. You can plant whatever you want in the garden. You can change carpet to hardwood (or vise-versa). It's great.

On the flip side: you can't call a landlord and make them deal with: water heaters dying, plumbing issues, leaks in roofs, or GIANT DEAD OAK TRESS FALLING INTO YOUR HOUSE FROM A NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. No, you're on your own with that one.

I believe you and I are currently in a love/hate relationship. And that's okay. I can live with that.

Yours,
kiki

PS And I am really happy no one got hurt. But next time, please don't let me be in the shower...

Love

They love each other so much.

Really.
The husband took this picture while they were playing.
I think it captures their personalities perfectly.
Baldur wants to be tough
But
Freya will always be able to win.
Do you see how she is about to bite his whole muzzle
and she has him cornered!

gas

Dear gas stations on the I5 between Anderson's Pea Soup and Magic Mountain,

I recognize that there is a lot of competition out there. But it really pisses me off when I see $3.72 a gallon at the non-name brand station and $3.72 at your station only to realize ONCE I AM AT YOUR PUMP (because for whatever reason I think name brand gas is better) that the sign was for people paying CASH and that the credit card price is $3.88. The word "cash" is so light and so small and its not until you see the secondary sign (the one you can't read from the road) that there is a cash and credit price difference.

And of course, we're all on road trips and we're already out of our cars, in the frickin I5 heat, with the smell of the manure wafting about. We're not about to get back in our cars and drive to another station, We don't have time for that.

If I didn't just pay $4 at home, I might have thrown a bigger fit.

I will remember this annoyance on Tuesday when I drive by you again.
And maybe non-name brand gas is better....

kiki

dear daycare

Dear daycare,

So I call you to see if my daughter is napping. You say "no", I say, "great, I'll be there in 15 minutes to get her so we can visit her new school." Now, she's staying in your system, just transitioning to the preschool from the infant/toddler room - so its not like you don't know what is going on.
Now, with 15 minutes until I get there, don't you think someone should have familiarized themselves with the events of the day so you can fill me in?
Why was my child in a pull-up? She's potty trained and we only wear pull-ups at night. Why couldn't anyone answer my question?
Why were her pants, socks and shoes not somewhere near by? Instead a TA was sent into the classroom where kids were sleeping to find them.
Why didn't you check to see if she ate lunch?
Why are you passing the buck and blaming other teachers?
I know, I know, I know all the excuses.
I am just kind of sick of it.
I am irritated.
Heavy sigh,
Kiki

introductions

Dear people I've not met,

Hi. Thanks for being cool when I just walk up and introduce myself to you. I'm not a shy person. But, it is great when you stay and actually talk to me.

Now a word of advise to a certain group of writers from last night. When someone you don't know walks up to you at an event to compliment your work - don't blow them off. They might be someone who can give you a job. That's why you had a reception. That's why they wanted you to talk to people. It's a sad sad sad time - there are so many more hurdles to jump through and it sucks that we have to do it... Embrace the irony of the situation. Hell write about it. But stop complaining that you work isn't getting done - how can it if you aren't your own cheerleader.



Kiki

Dear procrastination

Procrastination,

When I took you as a lover, I thought - this could be fun.
But now, it has turned into a case of fatal Attraction -
with me alternating the Glenn Close role with you.
How I wish I could just find your rabbit and boil it.
Perhaps then, you'd leave me... sever our connection...
But no matter what I do - you let me fall into your welcoming arms.
I do love to be in your embrace. I worry about nothing and care about nothing.
But then, when you leave, reality hits and stress predominates.
I can't take it anymore.

I think we need a break.
Really.

A long one.

I will use every form of will power not to be seduced by you.

I will

I will

I will

I...

-kiki

geena davis

Dear Geena,

I just found out about your institute. Can I just say THANK YOU.

I am pleased to find that your research has led you to make the following recommendations:

1. G-rated movies and certain TV categories need more females as main characters, minor characters, narrators, and in crowds.
2. G-rated movies and certain TV categories need more characters of color, especially female characters of color as main characters, minor characters, narrators, and in crowds.
3. G-rated movies need to create more female characters with aspirations beyond romance.
4. G-rated movies need to create more women and girl characters that are valued for their inner character, too

I wish you all the best in this endeavor. Hopefully you can make some things change.

best,
Kiki

doggies

Dear my loving doggies,

I love you both very much. I know it has been a difficult year. Now that the kid is too big for the baby carriers, it has become really difficult to walk you both. If we lived somewhere where there was a sidewalk... if we lived somewhere where the neighbors believed in adhering to the leash laws... if cars didn't drive so damn fast - I'd walk you every day with the kid in a stroller. But alas, that is not the case. It is too dangerous to take you both out by myself with the kid in a stroller. We need two adults to achieve a good dog walk. And nowadays that is only happening on the weekends. Thanks for understanding and for playing with each other. On the bright side, the kid is getting big enough to chase you around... you know you love it. Will try and try and try to get more walks in... licks

Love,
kiki
Here is a picture from 2005... its so rare to get you both in one photo.

12

Dear 12,

Hi! I hope everything is going okay for you. I'm a little worried because I see you everywhere and yet my daughter doesn't. Are you hiding from her? She loves to count, but after 11 she jumps right to 13. You are such a beautiful number I would really like her to get to know you. You are a dozen.

And thanks to Wikipedia I know this about you:

You are a composite number, the smallest number with exactly six divisors, your proper divisors being 1, 2, 3, 4 and 6. You arealso a highly composite number, the next one being 24.

You are composite number of the form p2q; a square prime, and also the first member of the (p2) family in this form.

You have an aliquot sum of 16 (133% in abundance). Accordingly, You are the first abundant number and demonstrates an 8 member aliquot sequence; {12,16,15,9,4,3,1,0} 12 is the 3rd composite number in the 3-aliquot tree. The only number which has 12 as its aliquot sum is the square 121. Only 2 other square primes are abundant (18 and 20).

The duodecimal system (1210 [twelve] = 1012), which is the use of 12 as a division factor for many ancient and medieval weights and measures, including hours, probably originates from Mesopotamia.

You are a superfactorial, being the product of the first three factorials.

You, being the product of three and four, the first four positive integers show up in the equation 12 = 3 × 4, which can be continued with the equation 56 = 7 × 8.

A twelve-sided polygon is a dodecagon. A twelve-faced polyhedron is a dodecahedron.

You are a pentagonal number.

The densest three-dimensional lattice sphere packing has each sphere touching 12 others, and this is almost certainly true for any arrangement of spheres (the Kepler conjecture). You are also the kissing number in three dimensions.

You are a number ada is that so coolio m*In base thirteen and higher bases (such as hexadecimal), you are represented as C.

You are superabundant, sparsely totient, a Harshad number and a Pell number.

You are the ninth Perrin number, preceded in the sequence by 5, 7, 10.

Twelve is the smallest weight for which a cusp form exists. This cusp form is the discriminant Δ(q) whose Fourier coefficients are given by the Ramanujan τ-function and which is (up to a constant multiplier) the 24th power of the Dedekind eta function. This fact is related to a constellation of interesting appearances of the number twelve in mathematics ranging from the value of the Riemann zeta function function at -1 i.e. ζ(-1)=-1/12, the fact that the abelianization of SL(2,Z) has twelve elements, and even the properties of lattice polygons.

You are a sublime number, a number that has a perfect number of divisors, and the sum of its divisors is also a perfect number. Since there is a subset of 12's proper divisors that add up to 12 (all of them but with 4 excluded), YOU ARE a semiperfect number.

If an odd perfect number is of the form 12k+1, it has at least twelve distinct prime factors.

How cool are you? So please come out and play with my girl...

Best,
Kiki

ladies who lunch

Dear ladies at work,

From time to time we all find ourselves feeling queasy after eating lunch. It happens. Sometimes it is the sushi. Sometimes it is the leftovers from home that should have been tossed two days prior. Sometimes it is that super spicy curry from the Indian place. And it is always the quiznos - just the one across from us, the others are fine. When the queasies hit - and this week I have noticed there have been many many instances - please remember that others need to use the 3rd floor bathroom. It is the only lavatory on our floor. I don't think it is all that difficult to turn around after you are done washing your hands to makes sure all the remains have been flushed away. I know there is nothing to be done about the odor, but the visuals can be dealt with. So please, if you forget your antacid or IBS meds or those pills you take before ingesting super yummy yet toxic food, please remember your co-workers and double flush. I know it is a waste of water - but we all need a pleasant work environment.

Many many thanks,
the woman with the tiny bladder who works in the office on the other side of the elevator and has a long hike to get to the toilet

Dear daisy

Dear Daisy,

When you're playing "he loves me, he loves me not" does it end with the petals or do you get to count the body of the flower? Just curious.

Kiki

letter for NaBloPoMo

Dear Alton Brown,

Thank you for setting me straight about whisks. I think I understand it now. Flan still intimidates the hell out of me. But maybe I'll give it a go one of these days. I think I'll make a quiche first. Hmm... there is this chicken Quiche that I always get at this coffee shop in San Diego -- it so yummy. I'd love to try and re-create that. Oh no... Now I am jonesing for some quiche.

Damn.

I just shouldn't watch you show near bedtime. Darn that TiVo.


-Kiki

I wanna watch something

My daughter's favorite phrase is: 'I wanna watch something", followed by "I wanna eat something." I had TiVoed a film that I am ashamed to admit I haven't seen (or at least I don't remember seeing).

So when she said: I wanna watch something

I said: Wanna watch the Seventh Seal?

She replied: The Seventh Seal. Oh Boy, oh Boy, oh Boy. I wanna watch the Seventh Seal.

So I turned it on. She looked at the screen and looked at me. The expression was priceless.

She said: I wanna watch do-do-dora. (if you've ever heard the theme music - you'd know what this is)

I think she thought it was a film about seven sea lions...