what's by your toilet?

My sister got me Steven Colbert's book for my birthday. When I showed it to my husband - I said "Yippee new bathroom reading"
He said "Good we can take AMERICA out of there now"

I realized that bathroom reading is important.

Currently in our bathroom:
Steven Colbert's Book I AM AMERICA
1001 PLACES YOU SHOULD SEE BEFORE YOU DIE
1001 PLACES TO SEE US & CANADA
A copy of National Geographic
A Williams Sonoma Catalog
An issue of REAL SIMPLE from October that I haven't read yet...
And various other catalogs from which we will NEVER order.

In our "gust bathroom"
A different copy of National Geographic
AMERICA
EINSTEIN'S DREAMS
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
A CALVIN AND HOBBES book
Some random cigar magazines (the husband's)


I realize that since we moved to this house I started a bizarre magazine ritual. When I get a National Geographic - I put the new one in the living room - the living room one goes to our bathroom - that one goes to the guest bathroom - and that one goes into storage... hmmm what does that say about me?

kitty

We spent Christmas with my sister-in-law in San Diego. We haven't been to her house in 9 months. Soph is 28 months old - so she was 19 months old last time she saw them - and they babysat for me.

They had a beautiful cat that Soph loved chasing around. The cat went missing during those awful fires and never returned.

The husband and I made sure not to mention the cat at all to Soph.

The moment we walked in the house. Soph went "kitty?" and started running around looking for it.

Had no idea she would remember that.

We were able to get her to understand that the cat went away before she saw her cousin. Although he is 16, it was Xmas and we didn't want to remind him of his lost pet.

Crazy that she would remember that 9 months later.

Guess I better watch what I say...

35

I just turned 35. Although I didn't want anyone to make a fuss - I was so surprised by the wonderful events of the last week. I feel very fortunate to have such people in my life.

My mommy group took me out for dinner at this snazzy wine joint downtown. I can't be more thankful for this group of truly inspiring women (and one dad). They bend over backwards to make you feel special.

My husband surprised me with a framed giclee of my favorite Picasso. He also got me a yummy cake and made me scallops and shrimp wrapped in bacon... mmmm.... bacon... love it when that man cooks.

My daughter sang me Happy Birthday for several days. It was beautiful.

And then my gift to myself:
I (with the help of the husband) dyed my hair last night - close to the natural color - was tired of the red - and needed to hide the grey skunk that looked good with the pixi cut - but not so great with the longer do.

actively listening

I attended a work meeting last week. I had to give a presentation about what my job is and how we do a certain aspect of my job. I gave the presentation in Powerpoint. I felt very corporate about it.

There were no questions. The general consensus was that I overloaded them. Well, they asked for a detailed presentation and I gave it to them.

Thank goodness I went first. I was able to relax and really listen to the rest of the meeting.

I listened to every word.

The same cannot be said of the other participants.

As I listened, I watched people checking in and out.

Blank stares.

Cell phone checks.

Nodding when not appropriate.

And yawns.

I watched the various people giving reports try to entertain the group in vain. They made the mistake in using hand-outs. Therefore people flipped thru it and figured they knew its contents.

When a report got someone excited and discourse was about to ensue - the meeting leader tabled it so we could stay on schedule.

Bummer. It was just getting interesting.

that man of mine

So, he ordered the stockings. Yes, he did.

I love him.

stockings

The husband and I got into a heated discussion about Christmas stockings today.

He threw out (he's say I made him throw out) a stocking given to him by an ex-girlfriend. This was a couple years ago (we've been together for 13 years - so I think is was finally about fricking time). This coincided with my father sending us these some-what tasteful Martha Stewart (I know - don't judge) stockings and tree skirt.

Now we have a kid. My mom has made my niece and nephews stockings. Well, she's now re-married and busy - and this is Soph's third Christmas... so I don't think a stocking is coming.

So we decided to get some. I of course love my crack, I mean, the Pottery Barn catalog. God I am so bourgeois.

Anyway - we couldn't decide between reindeer, Christmas trees or just a solid color... and if we wanted to get them personalized...

Knowing us - we wont make any decisions but instead a year from now go - Oh we didn't buy stocking last year, did we? And we'll wait till the last minute to order something in time. And again, Martha will make her way to the fireplace and poor Soph will just have to settle for my old Snoopy stocking...

dentist

I went back to the dentist. Still doing good since the last time. I think that I really hate going. Why is that?

A friend last night told me that dentists have a high suicide rate - because people dread them... urban legend? Hmmm...

Talking about dentists made me remember a movie called The Secret Life of Dentists. Which is an interesting character study and more realistic portrayal of the husband-wife with kids dynamic. I really appreciated the inner struggle of the characters - it wasn't over the top, but subtle, the way people actually are. Things are never black and white - people have hard times articulating their feelings - and this film really embraces that.

todays thoughts

Today I am thinking about... in no particular order..
1. when in the heck are the delivery guys going to arrive with the kid's big girl bed
2. why i am constantly fatigued
3. if there is such a thing as a healthy candy bar
4. how to get the stench of urine out of my couch (thanks boy dog)
5. if my love/hate relationship with my job will hopefully start teetering more towards the love side.

whole wheat scone

I made scones today for the first time.

They were a bit wheat-y, but hit the spot.

I brought 3/4 of them into rehearsals - saving myself one for tomorrow morning and one for Sunday morning. They got devoured by my assistant and the stage manager. We all agree that they were a bit dry - so I think some yogurt or cream cheese or sour cream might help the recipe. I found this on line somewhere - and I added the raspberries -- the original called for dates.

Oven at 425

1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup all purpose flour
2 tablespoons of sugar (I just can't go the Splenda route - just can't do it)
2 1/2 teaspoons of Baking power
1 teaspoon of salt
1 stick of butter (yikes - I know --maybe try margarine next time)
2 eggs
1/2 cup of milk
1/2 bag frozen raspberries

mix dry ingredients. fork in the butter until the dry mixture gets crumbly.
mix the egg and milk and pour over the mixture. Stir it pretty good. Add the raspberries.
dust a cutting board with flour and kneed the mixture. IT will be freezing with the frozen raspberries..

make 8-9 balls and place on a greased cookie sheet.

Bake for 15 mintues...

dumb

I was talking to my stage manager today. I was bemoaning the meeting I have this week.

She said, "what do you have to do?"

I said, "Well after rehearsal today I have to meet with the artistic director - and that will go for at least 2 hours."

"But you can sleep in tomorrow, right?"

"oh no - I have a 10am meeting, then the fitting, then rehearsal, then a special event"

'Your life is so dumb!" she exclaimed.

I started laughing. Yep - she's right. Silly meetings keep cropping up when I should be focused on the show.

She started apologizing for the comment right away - as tears of laughter were streaking down my cheek. She meant it's dumb that I have all those meetings - it just came out wrong...

It's kinda fun to think about my work life as just silly, ridiculous and at the moment dumb.

food

My metabolism is not what in once was.

I gained a few pounds after the trip to Hawaii and eating like hell working on a show that stressed me out. Stress used to make me skinny - now it makes me chunky. ARG.

So, the husband and I went on the South Beach diet. I know, I know - but it does work.

The first Phase is a hellish two weeks - which ends in 26 hours -thank god! Then I can eat fruit again and grain!

I realize that yes, shedding a few pounds (10 is the goal and i'm half way there) is a good idea. But changing my eating habits is really the reason to stick to it.

There are 4 coffee shops within walking distance from my office. I am a sucker for scones and any other sugary pastry that happens to call to me thru the glass. I would rather grab a candy bar than a piece of fruit... and let's not even mention the french fries and pizza addictions.

Now I am making hummus and eating fresh veggies. I'm thinking about what fabulous food I can cook. I love to cook. I still want pizza - but I'm going to whole wheat crust it and make it at home. I switched to Vegetarian refied beans years ago.. I can eat chocolate - but now in moderation (instead of inhaling it).

A decent exercise regime is next on the docket.

Now if I could just fine a low carb, sugar free scone that tastes good - life will be complete. And if I cold find a light sour cream that was good...

And if you think I am dieting on Thanksgiving - think again.

the city

I had a rude awakening the other day.

Since re-locating to Northern California, I have had a yearning to be in The City. Childhood memories of riding the Muni and Bart into the heart of downtown came flooding back. Strolling the streets, seeing theatre, and just the general vibe of a downtown core are still vivid in my mind.

I always wanted a Victorian house. Then I discovered what the going rate for even the most run-down decrepit ones... and I promptly realized I'd be able to buy an estate with two vineyards for that price.

But cost of living wasn't my rude awakening. Well, partly, since I know the place I'd like to live is completely out of reach...

It was the wall to wall houses. I had forgot how they are all butted up against each other. It was a wet day - and everything seemed a bit miserable.

There was no green.

No trees.

No bushes, unless they were caked in urine.

I was depressed...

like mommy...

This is about feminine hygiene products. So don't read if the topic makes you squeamish.

I remember when I was a kid - seeing my mom use a GIANT Kotex (early 70s). I thought we were all supposed to do that - so around the age of 4, I started folding up toilet paper and putting it in my undies.

My mother saw me do it one day and asked we what I was up to. I said, I wanted to be like Mommy.

She then got out the big 'Mother's Encyclopedia" and talked to me about female anatomy. A conversation that would have to be repeated around age 8 when I could more fully grasp the concepts of a reproductive system.

Tonight, I was attempting to have some private bathroom time - when in walks my two year old. She sees me using a similar - but now ultra thin - product.

She sees the package it came it. And demands to have one.

Okay, I'm curious. So I hand it to her.

She opens it up. Hands me the wrapper. She peals off the sticky part.

I ask her what she is going to do with it.

She replys "want it on my butt"

She then pulls her little jeans down and places it on her diaper. She pulls her jeans up and trots out into the living room - happy as a camper.

I think she might be too young for the birds and the bees conversation.

Think I need to get a lock for the bathroom door.

calls at dinner time

I think I am turning into a old cranky republican man...

Many many many years ago I donated money to a local Police Activities League. It was a phone solicitation and I felt that if my $15 bucks could help stop gang violence in LA by getting kids off the street - heck they can have it.

The following year (many many years ago) I give them $25. I do it the year after that too.

Each year I get a sticker for my car window - supporting the fund. Hmmm... I didn't get any tickets during those years.

Then it began. More phone solicitations - this time, from the Firefighter's Widows, Police Widows, different Police activities groups.

We move.

We change phone numbers.

We get on the "do not call" list.

They still find me.

Always at dinner time.

These are all good causes. Really. I should know. I always let them get thru their "script".

I try to tell them nicely that we have already given what we can afford to give this year. They employ the good 'ole - $15 is all we need - ploy. I try to explain (every time) that if I gave $15 to all the police/fireman organizations that call me, I couldn't make my mortgage.

I hang up - feeing awful. Every time. Damn, they're good.

But, then I get pissed. I gave to one group. Did they sell my name and phone number? OR am I on some sucker list somewhere? and hey, I don't live in LA anymore. And are these guys even non-profit organizations...

I have worked for non-profit all my adult life. I know how hard it is to raise money for a good cause. I know the importance of philanthropic giving.

When I got my promotion at work, the husband and I talked about what causes we would give money to this year. We came up with a list. It was an interesting exercise. You find out a lot about your partner and what is important to them when you talk about giving money. My fella is a good guy. I was impressed with his choices and why. Becomeing parents has changed our perspectives too.

If only we had a lot of money...

time warp

The last three times we visited the in-laws, a bizarre phenomena has occurred...

I take Soph upstairs around 8pm and lay on the bed with her until she is asleep and next thing I know the husband is waking me up and it is 10/10:30...

I then put on my Pjs and got to sleep until 7/8am when Soph wakes up... so basically 12 hours of sleep.

I hope they don't think I'm being anti-social.

But it is like a bizarre time bubble - I have no concept of time when we are there...

And even this trip when we kept showing Soph how the coo-coo clock worked - it seemed to chirp all the time and yet time seemed to go by so slowly...

way to much tv

I am driving to work today and listening to Terry Gross interviewing Dave Grohl (the drummer from Nirvana who started the Foo Fighters). I pulled into the local coffee drive thru place to get a latte (I am so bourgeois at times I make myself sick). Anyway, I missed some of the interview while I was ordering. I reached to my radio to rewind it. And then it hit me- you can't rewind live radio. I don't have TiVo in my car...

midnight

was the time she finally went to sleep.

Awake

My daughter has decided that it is better to be awake than asleep at 11pm. After rocking her to sleep (for an hour), I attempted to place her in her crib - only to have her wake up and Velcro herself to me. So, I gave up and took her to my bed. EYES WIDE OPEN. Then I am informed she is hungry. So, we give her some Os. Then she wants to watch "blue lady" dancing. Okay, we oblige. We make a deal. One Blue lady and then bed.

Now she is in our bed with her daddy (who is trying to give me a break so I can look at the catalog I love but can't afford anything in it.). I can hear her chatting up a storm in there.

The husband just walked out into the living room and Soph started chatting "momma! Mommma!".

Off I go...

Culinary Snob

Okay I admit it- I was eavesdropping. Well, it kinda hard not to when you tune into a high pitched little girly voice.

The husband and I were at a restaurant. We're both working from home today - so we got lunch together. And that's it (heavy sigh).

ANYWAY - I overheard this woman order "a bowl of mac and cheese, a small side of coleslaw and a Cornona". It took all of my willpower not to turn around and see what this woman looked like. She sounded 12.

At the end of our meal, I got up to use the lou and when I came back got a good look at the mac and cheese/beer drinking gal. Probably early 30s.

When I walked out of the restaunt with my honey - we giggled about her order - "odd" I said. And D said, "well, she had steak last night for dinner".

Looks like I am not the only one listening in.

commuter buddies

I used to work 5 minutes from my house. Really - I could make it to work in 2 songs on the radio.

Then we moved.
I had a baby.
We built a home office in the garage (well, my husband did this for me - he's a good guy -- it was either "build me a home office or read A ROOM OF ONE'S OWN" - he chose the former).

I soon after got a part-time job which as of this month has become full time. But it is a 45 minute - one hour commute...

When we moved, I re-connected with my big sister. She lives two hours away (the closest we've been geographically been since 1990). She and I found ourselves driving home from work around the same time. She had an hour commute as well. So began the cell phone conversations. And yes, I do have an ear piece.

She has since started her own business and works out of her home (lucky!). But she is still my commute buddy. Particularly when I am sitting in traffic. The good thing is, her life is much more dramatic than mine - so I just get to listen most of the time. There is nothing like real tales when you can't get NPR.

amour

I decided to watch the audience at a performance of this 18th century French comedy. One couple in the balcony started cuddling as the young lovers started falling madly in love. They laughed together with his arm over her shoulder,her hand on his knee and her head on his shoulder. So sweet.

The older ladies hit their friends with programs on all the dirty jokes - giggling like schoolgirls.

Odd - there were no men together at this particular performance. Groups of women and couples populated the house.

feminine intuition

So I was up in Washington Heights visiting a dear friend and at midnight - realizing he and his partner both needed to sleep - I decided to head back to Times Square. I could have taken a car service - but I'm a big ole cheapskate - so I took the subway.

I got to the platform, having just missed the A. And there were two 30-something women sitting on the bench. They were obviously friends - chatting about work and using silly noises to express their displeasure at their boss. I sat down on the other end of the bench.

Two 20-something guys walked onto the platform. They looked at us and just moved on.

Another woman, a 20-something blond with earphones, came down next. She sat in between me and the other two women.

The train arrived. We all stood up. As a group we walked onto the train through the same door (although where we stood you could choose from two cars). And although we never said a word to each other - we sat in a triangle pattern on the train. The blond and I fanned out on a bench - making it just awkward enough if someone dared sit between us. The other two sat huddled together across from us. Perfect equilateral triangle.

We all got off at 59th street and walked our separate ways.

I don't think I made eye contact with any of them - but we were well aware that we were a little pack moving together.

travel woes (aka complaining)

Three years ago I would have been thrilled to fly to NY for a couple days and work a bit.

Now.

ARG. I miss my girl and my hubby.

My special little guy (aka the boy dog) is in the hospital with some intestinal problems - he's going to be fine, but it is kinda scary. And I had to leave town with him not home yet.

I flew Jet Blue - which I really like because they have leg room and individual televisions. BUT I forgot to grab earphone when I got on the plane - and when I asked for a pair they didn't have any more. GRRR. But, I read an entire book on the flight. FLUKE - which was a lot of fun. Not as good as LAMB, but fun.

Then I got to the hotel: the Washington Jefferson on W. 51st. Now, I didn't book the room. I got a twin bed. YEs - there are hotels that have TWIN beds. This room is 1/2 the size of my college single dorm room. There is a funky stench. No place to put my little suitcase and a stall shower. Okay, I am not being a wimp -- but come on! It's off season, they could have spent a little time and probably gotten a deal at a better hotel, or a bigger room. Working for larger theaters has really spoiled me. (side note: I brought one of my friends some coffee and I have it out to fill my little den with its rich aroma.)

My flight got in at 10pm - so I didn't get to the hotel until 11pm. And there is no room service! (okay I am a spoiled brat). So, I had to go out and find a deli (yes in the middle of Times Square - talk about too many choices). And I ended up at this Gourmet Food store to get some munchies for my room. I picked up some trail mix and when I looked at the label - realized it was from Santa Cruz!

I do love New York. But I am just so tired of staying in Times Square...

interesting folks

So I went with my hubby to an opening at the opera - which consisted of a very fancy dinner, a couple song (one from Carmen) by the Baritone, and a bar (yippe for dirty martinis). And YES we did get a baby sitter. We wont go into the cost of that - let's just say I was happy dinner was free because my hubby worked on the show.

I sat next to this fascinating woman at dinner. She used to be a lawyer. She gave it up to be home with her sons. Her 8 year old (the other is now 10) was diagnosed with autism when he was quite young. And so, she has her hands full. She also just had a baby girl (a couple months younger than mine) with the same name as my daughter.

She started a nightgown business - because she wanted to see if she could do it. It hasn't broke even yet. I would put up the link to it, but you can't order on line yet... so I will when she adds that function. They're nightgowns in boutiques.

Anyway - I thought - WOW with all you have to deal with, you started this business. That is cool.

Japanese Toilet Training for Kids (English Subtitled)

Okay this had me laughing so hard!

Picasso

Sometimes this painting just makes me happy.

copy cat

Saw some friends of Sarah had these cool images for there profile... and I had to copy.... it was fun..

back to work blues

After a glorious week in Kauai, I had to go back to work. ARG.

It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so fricking HOT. In Kauai it was perfect weather - hot, but with the ocean breeze to make you forget that you were frying.

So I just get my memories of my daughter delighting in the sand-bottomed pool and all the roosters running amok, my husband exhilarated after taking a helicopter trip over the island, and my full day at a spa (massage, facial and wrap - totally indulgent).

It was a fabulous vacation.

vacation

We're going on our first REAL vacation tomorrow. The last time we traveled without ANY work commitments or networking was nine years ago.

In Europe people are REQUIRED to take vacations.

What is wrong with us?

thoughts du jour

I love my husband.
I know I'm being mushy...
but he gets upset (and I mean really upset) when he feels I am not being treated well.
And that is.. well... sexy...

Had a job interview today - an interview I have talked to length about with my mother and sister. Mom called just to say she was back from her trip and to see how packing was going for our vacation to Hawaii -- not one word about the interview OR about the show I opened last week... whatever...

But one of my dearest friends called to see how it went and so did one of my mommy friends--- that gave me warm fuzzies.

faith in humanity

• Two weeks ago one of the moms in my group suffered a horrific tragedy - the death of her husband three weeks after the birth of her second child. My mommy group was there for her - and is still there for her - and I know will continually be there for her for as long as need be. There was no hesitation by anyone in the group to help.
  

• When we stopped at a corner and saw a homeless man, my 23 month old daughter said, "needs money". There was compassion in her tiny voice.

finished

I finished the book.

I'm now in withdrawl...

maybe I should start book one again...

Cosmos Mystique Apparati

Sarah had this meme on her blog and I thought I would give it a go..

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?
Sandra Boyton's Blue Hat, Green Hat doesn't have enough pages...
but the book sitting under it says " The prominate Janstelli Gallery presented Ziller's first one man show of Cosmos Mystique Apparati."

2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching?
My boy dog's destroyed tennis ball.

3. What’s the last program you watched on TV?
TiVoed verson of MONSTERS INC.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
12:45am

5. Aside from the computer, what can you hear right now?
The boy dog's nails on the wood floor.

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?
Spent 12 hours outside working on a show today.

7. What are you wearing?
Jeans, Ugg boots, an Art Nouveau-esque top I got in the bargain bin at Express.

8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?
Yes. Can't remember. But I am sure it was stressful. Wizards and wands and stuff - read the new Potter book before going to bed.

9. When was the last time you laughed?
About two hours ago - we started getting punchy at rehearsal..

10. What’s on the walls, in the room you’re in right now?
A Dali print

11. Have you seen anything strange lately?
I work in the arts - so strange is a relative term.

12. What do you think about this meme?
cool.

13. What’s the last film you saw?
Other than the Tivoed MONSTERS INC? I saw (TiVoed) DEVIL WEARS PRADA - bu thtat might not count because I fast forwarded some of it to get to the end quicker... the last movie I sat thru all the way without interuption was the DVD of PAN'S LABARYINTH.


14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?
Start a Foundation and spread the wealth.

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don’t know.
I really do like sci-fi/fantasy novels. Shhhh..


16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt, what would it be?
Global Warming

17. Do you like to dance?
yes

18. George Bush?
As my bummer sticker says "More Trees, less Bushes"

19. What do you want your children’s names to be, girl/boy?
Sophia/Jack

20. Would you ever consider living abroad?
yes. done it. love it.

21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven?
You did good.

22. Who should do this meme?
anyone who wants to... no pressure.

thin

Saw my mom and my sisters on Saturday.

Walked in the door and the first comment was: "you're so skinny"

I haven't bunged a pound in over a year.

My 16 year old niece said the same thing.

Either everyone thinks I was this HUGE beast all my life, or they just have an image of me being fat, or we're just conditioned to comment on each other's weight.

I looked at my brother-in-law - who gave me a quizzical look when I scowled at the comment.

"I just wish that ONCE weight would not be mentioned within the first 30 seconds of a greeting"

BTW: When I had my horrid bout of acid reflux last week - I called the doctor and she asked if I was overweight (ruling out heart issues - since acid relux feels like a heart attack -- longer story that I will get into later) - I said I'm 5'6" and weigh 135. "Oh you're totally fine then" was her comment.

procrastination

My least favorite word and yet a state I LOVE to be in.

It is my nemesis. As I sit here after getting my daughter to bed, with a deadline breathing down my neck, the word has popped into my head. Wouldn't I rather get the damn thing finished and then reward myself with the episode of Eureka I have TiVoed? Or get the sleep that I so desperately need...

I guess the answer is NO - because I am now writing on my blog and pondering if I should drink coffee...

I am in a hell of my own making.

And thank you American Heratige Dictionary for this lovely definition of the word:
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

"habitual carelessness or laziness" - ouch!

Going to work now.

banana bread

The first time - didn't cook it enough

The second time - good, but the boy dog ate it.

The third time - great, but the dog ate it. Think the boy dog got it down and the girl dog helped him finish - they were both guilty as hell when we got home.

The fourth time - perfect and I dropped it taking it out of the oven. Now it sits in two distinct pieces - hopefully out of countertop range of my boy's keen longs snout.

I think I need to just go back to making chocolate mousse.

reading update

Finally got chance to start Perfect Madness... so far so good - at least she admits she is only chatting with upper-middle class women... more when I'm done.

will be following that read with God is not Great... oh boy

but I will probably have to put those on hold because this woman's book is coming out. And yes, I pre-ordered mine. oh boy oh boy!

sleep update

Sunday night: 5 hours (not straight)
Monday night: 4 hours (not straight)
Tuesday night: 4 hours

naps: zero

I feel like I am in college again
and I don't like it

I am...

I am worried about the fever my daughter had all day yesterday.

I am working on a beautiful Shakespeare play that humbles me everyday as I learn more and more about it.

I am worried about the fever my daughter had all last night.

I am pondering why I constantly spell yesterday yesturday.

I am delighted that my daughter has her own dance to Dora's 'we did it" song.

I am hoping to be able to wean myself off of the caffeine (in the form of that glorious dark elixir called coffee) that I have become re-addicted to.

oh and

I am praying I dont go into existential angst this week.

But today I am...

You Are a Daisy

You see the world with an artist's eye. Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments. You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets. You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in.

What Flower Are You?

what flower am I?

You Are a Carnation

You are down to earth and grounded. You tend to be more traditional than trendy. Your confidence gets you through anything. People trust you and are very loyal to you.

What Flower Are You?

L'Apres-midi d'un Faune - The Paris Opera Ballet

Inspiration for a show I am working on.... enjoy!

Father's Day gifts

My Father's Day gifts to my husband

a happy toddler with a chocolate smile

a right boob bigger than the left

a dog with a new haircut

and three and a half hours alone with his daughter because I had to work on father's day

The Feminine Mistake

So, I have finally finished this book and I am, well, disappointed and yet exhilarated at the same time... how can this be? Before I get into the reasons for said disappointment, I need to say that the premise of the book is quite important and I completely understand and respect the value of such a treatise today.

The book talks about the dangers when women become financially dependent on their spouses by leaving the job pool to raise their children. I remember in high school, our next door neighbor left his wife for a younger woman. This wife had not worked in 15 years, had no job skills and was terrified. Yep - that is the fear. What do you do when your spouse leaves you or dies and you have no "current" or "marketable" skills, no money, etc. Or what happens if he loses his job? Our author quotes a lot of scary statistics - how hard it is for women to re-renter the work force after leaving even for a few years, how child support doesn't help cover costs; how ageist our society is about women; etc.

Although the author talks about interviews middle-class and lower-middle class families - the majority of her examples are upper class women with MBA from places like Princeton and Harvard who are married to successful lawyers, brokers, etc. This is where I have issue - and the main cause for my disappointment in this book. What about those of us in other professions? I am tired of the feminist movement targeting upper-class white women! I don't know anyone who isn't just scarping by - and I know professional women, waitresses, actors, doctors and teachers. And yes, I know a lot of women who have (in their late 30s/ early 40s) made the choice to stopped working to raise their children. Our author, a journalist, has the luxury (as do I - and it IS a luxury) of working from home and really creating her own hours. But a lot of women need to 9 to 5 it - so what of them? What of the families that need two incomes to just survive? I live in one of the most expensive places in the country - anywhere else we would have a five-bedroom home and all the latest amenities - and we're not wealthy AT ALL. We're comfortable - but I can't send my kid to a private school - or vacation at a lake house - like so may of the women sited in this book.

Back to the good of the book with some other interesting factoids: most women who give up their careers didn't really like them to begin with or were faced with a lot of stress/hostility perpetrated by their bosses and/or peers when they got pregnant; the way some men use the purse strings as a way of abusive control (we all saw the Joy Luck Club); women's ignorance about how hard it is to actually enter back in to the workplace after a absence of any length; empty nest syndrome; the depression that comes when the kids don't really "need" you hovering; the silence women feel they must keep when they LIKE their work and how women do not tout their own accomplishments because our society thinks women should be humble; success stories of women who did stay home but managed to keep a finger in the business world whether though volunteer work or other such things that made them still bankable upon their opting back in; the fact that we are living longer thus child-rearing is only a fraction of a woman's life span; how men with wives and families are viewed as "stable" employees but with women it is a liability.

It is in the latter chapters - if you don't get to frustrated with the sob stories of these wealthy ladies - that it gets interesting and accessible to all types of women. Statistic about working women and how they have less stress than stay-at-home Moms; the examples working/non-working sets for the children - if a mom can live off the father, why can't the kid?; statistics that children who go to day care are often brighter and more socially adept than children who do not and are just raised by stay-at-home moms; that working moms , on average, actually spend 2 hours MORE per week interacting with their children (in fact that statistic has increased for fathers too) than stay-at-home moms.

A chapter called Home Equity is about how women who work still do the majority of the housework. She sites examples that when men do help around the house it decreases stress for everyone. She discusses (I wish with more detail) the anger/frustration working women get when their partners do NOT help out. Another chapter talks about Men - how men want someone who is also the bread winner - someone who is an intellectual equal - and take the pressure off being the sole provider. But there are those men who want to have the wife dealing with the kids and household while they earn the $$$.

But perhaps the most frightening thing in this book is about how more and more women are getting Masters degrees, PHds, etc and then opting out and how this is effecting enrollment and admittence to major universities. If x% of the economics graduates are women - then why is x% of working economists women?. The idea of how women are conditioned to think about work as "jobs" and not "careers".

I admit that I just wanted something more from this book. I wanted to know HOW we can change the media coverage that makes women feel bad when they go back to work. This country has told women that if they have a baby-sitter they are bad moms; if they don't have food on the table waiting when everyone gets home from school that they have FAILED; if they don't keep a clean house, they're horrid. It's a load of bull that has been dished out. WHY? Is it the republican government and the Christian coalition that so permeated this country with old school 50s mentality of gender relationships. How can we change the working mom perception? Women are barraged with an enormous amount of guilt anyway - WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP IT.

I love my work. I love to do what I do. And I LOVE my daughter and I would die for her and do anything for her. Why can't I be both? This books says I can - thank you Leslie Bennetts! But, our culture gives me the evil eye. What can I do to stop people from asking me, "what are you going to do about the baby?" How can I stop my grandmother from saying she thinks its wrong that I'm at work? How can I stopped be judged for being a mother?

Leslie Bennets wrote this interesting article when her book came out - its worth a read.

I am reading Perfect Madness by Judith Warner next.

Women In Art

Thought this was beautiful... a friend sent me the link. Enjoy

Blue Light Special

Okay - yes I was in a KMART. I had to buy a bin to pack up some antiques to store in the garage. It's true. Plus, there is no Target within 20 miles - so... better KMART than Wallmart - am I wrong?

Anyway - so here I am, putting a bin in my "carriage" when over the loud speaker they announce the "blue light special". Of course I had to see what it was all about. I thought Blue Light Specials were urban legend. But, sure enough - a blue light flashes and a guy comes out to demo a product. It was this European Magic Shammy. But before they tell you what the "deal" is - you have to stand there for 20 minutes while the sales guys demos it and tells you want a fantastic deal "only you" will get for being a Kmart shopper. So the "deal" is really 2-for-1. And the product had a "as seen on TV" logo on it. Enough said.

Okay - not enough. As I walked away (without the product) over to the cheap kids clothes (hey - I'm a mom on a budget), I saw of the 20 or so folks gathered around that 75% of them bought the stuff. Of that 75%, I'd say 90% were over the age of 65 and female. Hmmm.

Did I tell you I'm reading a book called The Feminine Mistake? More on that after I finish it.

mommy

Sophia has switched from calling me "mama" to calling me "mommy". I love it.

work or mom

Having one of those - should I work or stay at home with my baby - kinda days. I just started working on a new play. My hours are long - because I have a 45minute to an hour commute one way. I just got an offer for another gig in January. And I may be doing something in November. I don't quite know how to feel.

I rocked my daughter to sleep tonight and it was the happiest I have been all day.

work or mom

Having one of those - should I work or stay at home with my baby - kinda days. I just started working on a new play. My hours are long - because I have a 45minute to an hour commute one way. I just got an offer for another gig in January. And I may be doing something in November. I don't quite know how to feel.

I rocked my daughter to sleep tonight and it was the happiest I have been all day.

not preggers

Ahh - well we tried this month. I had a horrible dream last night, woke up and discovered there was not to be a baby in nine months. I'm sad. But, I was super stressed this last month - so I am not surprised. But looking forward to another month of trying... hmm... what fun we will have.

vow to blog more

Can I commit to blogging more regularly? Hmmm... Fun ideas to write about hit me while I drive and then promptly leave my consciousness by the time I get to the lap-top. Perhaps I don't want to share... is that so wrong?

Today Soph ran around in some Dora the Explorer Pjs that some friends gave us (hand-me-down from her kids) and she quickly found a pair of Dora shorts (from of my mother) and put them on over her Pjs. BTW: she had on long Pj bottoms and Dora PJ shorts over those BEFORE putting on the regular Dora shorts... If only I could have found my camera. She loves that Dora.

memories

One of Soph's new favorite words is WHALE. So, I put in a video that had whales and other ocean creatures. Well, they showed a seal. And suddenly I remembered this momma seal and baby seal stuffed animal that I had as a kid. The baby was white and the momma was grey. I loved them and with Bernard (who I still have), I took them everywhere. Wow, I wonder what happened to them.

my heart hurts

Yep, it does. My baby and my husband are 450 miles away and I miss them. I get to see them tomorrow and I know then I will be 100% better.

food

So, you don't have to be a REAL chef to get a show on the Food Network. Hmmm. That seems odd, huh?

A laugh

So I had to buy feminine hygiene products at a drugstore around midnight in New York. my best friend pointed out that in the same aisle that the maxi pads are - there are also those little sword toothpicks. Hmmmm...

the cable

I cannot find the UBS cable for my digital camera. I took some of the cutest pictures today and I cannot download them. Its depressing because D is away and I want him to be able to see pictures of his daughter... Looks like a trip to Radio Shack. Goody goody.