2010 resolution results

Here were my resolutions for 2010. How did I do?

1. Decrease my impact on the environment

Well, I bring my own bags into stores. I got a new car - a Hybrid. Have tried to buy mostly local produce and only the veggies and fruits in season.

2. Write

This one is the one I failed at most. With the start of Kindergarten, a couple long-lasting pity parties about my career, I seemed to have kept myself away from the thing I most want to do. heavy sigh.


3. Plant a garden (which is part of the backyard project that will probably take a decade to finish).
Bush Beans, squash, herbs (excellent basil), chard and lettuce! I was happy.



4. Exercise daily.

HAHAHAHAHAHA - did manage to hike a bit.


5. More quality time with the kid and husband.

Hopefully this is the reason why my lists (reading and viewing) is shorter than last year. The kid and I have hung out a lot - with many playdate and activities for her. Still need more time with the hubby - but we had two vacations - Hawaii (Oahu) and Disneyland.

end of year lists

I thought I would do more reading this year - but...

Here is the list of everything I read for the first time this year:

Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott
Lolita by Vladimir Navokov
American Bloomsbury by Susan Cheever
The Pilgrims Progress -part I by John Bunyan
April Witch by Majgull Axelsson
Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
Killing Monsters: Why Children Need Fantasy, Super Heroes and Make-Believe Violence by Gerard Jones
The Last Lecture by Randy Pauch
The Viewpoints Book by Anne Bogart
The Uses of Enchantment by Bruno Bettelheim
Nightlight - Harvard Lampoon
Sign of Four - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
A Study in Scarlet - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Shakespeare: A very short introduction by Germaine Greer
Northanger Abbey - Jane Austin
The Odyssey by Homer
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Steig Larrson
Atonement by Ian McEwan
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
Stanislavsky: An Introduction by Jean Benedetti
Five Quarters of the Orange by Joanne Harris
The Stream of Life by Clarice Lispector
In Praise of Slowness: Challenging the Cult of speed by Carl Honore
Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats by Sally Fallon (ok - parts of it)
Anne of Green Gables by Lucy MaMaude Montgomery
Passionate Minds by David Bodanis

We read a lot of chapter books to the kid this year - including six in the IVY AND BEAN series and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.


On the film front, this year I discovered the joy that is Netflix Instant Play!

Movies 2010
District 9 (Blueray)
Monsters vs Aliens (blueray)
Volver (blueray)
Choke (HBO)
Shopgirl (DVD)
Cool Hand Luke (netflix instant play)
Inglourious Bastards (DVD)
Brothers (DVD)
Food, Inc (netflix instant play)
Sherlock Holmes (theatre)
Year of the Dog (DVD)
Away we go (blueray)
Inkheart (hbo)
Up in the air (blueray)
Men Who Stare at Goats (blueray)
Nine (animated/blueray)
Wolverine (HBO)
Midsummer Nights Dream (1999 version)
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (Hbo)
Ponyo (DVD)
La Ronde (DVD)
Twelfh night (DVD)
Fanny and Alexander (netflix instant play)
Julie and Julia (netflix instant play)
Clash of the Titans (blueray)
Tinkerbell and the Great Fairy Rescue (blueray)
Nine (blueray)
Toy Story 3 (theatre)
My Neighbor Totoro (DVD)
How to Train Your Dragon (blueray)
The Imagination of Dr. Parnassus (netflix instant play)
The virgin Spring (netflix instant play)
Tangled (theatre)
Hot Tub Time Machine (DVD)
Date Night (DVD)
The Swan Princess (Netflix)

With the netflix - I started watching "Battlestar Gallactica" and just an insane amount of cartoons with the kid.

Sugar

The child will no long be able to have a sugary treat prior to ballet. Nope. Never again.

worst day ever

my daughter proclaimed today was the worst day ever.
Here is her list:

1. mom didn't stay at school.
2. One friend sat with another friend and not with her. So their were tears.
3. One friend went thru the path in the trees first. She wanted go first. Tears and "M----- always gets to go first" begins. At which point M--- comes over and offers to let her go first. No more tears.
3. Swimming goes well - but a playdate after is not permitted becuase we have to go to the grocery store.
4. She cannot have candy or a Quarter for the machines at the store. She does however read the wrapper of a bag of Newman's Own organic cookies to her mother's satisfaction and gets the cookies.
5. The store doesn't have what we need so we have to go to another store.
6. The dogs get the pantry door open and eat all the powerbars.
7. She can't barter her way to more TV shows.
8. Mom sits on the edge of her bed and doesn't lay down with her to go to sleep.

getting a break

I am sick and tired of lip service.

As an artist, people give it to you constantly.

I am also tired of people who have the opportunity to help you - pushing their own agenda.

LISTEN to what we have to offer and maybe you will be interested and perhaps it is a BETTER idea than yours. You NEED artists to do what you want to do. We NEED your support. I'm all for working together - but I am not going to just throw away a project so that you can hob nob with notable people.

How about you help me do mine and then we'll do yours.

first sewing project

My kid wants to sew. I do not know how. I have never in my life used a sewing machine. But I found this American Girl kit - had the holes already in it. It is for an 8 year old - but I figured a 5 year old might be able to manage it.

It took us the better part of two hours - but here it is.

A Daisy

The kid has joined the Girl Scouts - it is a Daisy troupe. Daisy is before Brownie. It's a lot of fun. As a type A personality - I am trying to just step back and let her have a good time - and not try to lead it... trying...

Before the meeting we had a playdate. All of the dogs and ceramic dolls were photographed with the classroom's Curious George.

happy home

Puppy has home.

Daughter hosted playdate with only minimal sharing issues.

Girl scout meeting was held. Crafts were made. Pins were received.

Nap while kid watched a show.

Good day.

looking for a home

Hopefully tomorrow he will have a fabulous new home!

Guess what everyone is getting for the holidays?

Closet

It is time to let go of those clothes in the closet that I will never wear. Yep. It's time. I will never be 119 pounds again. I just have to deal with it.

Focus

I thought that writing this blog for a month would help focus my writing. But I feel just as scattered as ever.

Drat.

Politeness

I alwas thought it was not polite to read a book or watch television when visiting relatives. When I visit my mom- I use to do that... But it was my MOM - and it's like being at home. Now when I see her, I have the kid - so I am wrangling.

For 15 years I have gone with the spouse to see his folks. For the last 5 years I have "retired" for the evening when I put the kid to bed. But I never brought out my laptop or a book in daylight hours.

The last two times - I broke this politeness. And no one seemed to mind. I read a book and fiddled around on my computer. The in laws read too.

I had a lovely time.

But I still think I was being rude.

In-kaws

I am at the in-laws. This is the first time in YEARS we did not have ham for dinner.
I have been with the spouse for 15 years - and I can now count on two hands the number of times we did not have ham.

Vocation

We are friends with many "trust fund" babies. They never admit that they are. But it doesn't take long to figure it out. The business we are in is not lucrative. So when they take exotic vacations or buy flats outside a normal persons price range - ya just know.

Most of these friends are also childless (by choice). They seem to understand how hard it is to get a babysitter - but they see the baby sitter a the "help.". Keeping a good sitter is really hard - so you don't want to screw it up by staying out later than you estimated. It is hard to get these friends to understand that.

I have to admit that I am jealous of those folk with disposable income. I would love to travel. I would love to have the luxury of time to just ponder what I am going to work on next without the pressure to have something going on right this second.

When I get jealous I just look at the amazing creature that we made. I wouldn't trade being a mom for t he world.

Bus stalking

Today my five year old rode the school bus. I went to the campus to make sure she got on the bus. I'm glad I did. I watched as she walked up to her teacher to show her the bus pass. I watched the teacher and the bus driver compare lists and shake thee heads. So I walked over and said "yes he is getting on the bus." It was then that I realized I verbally told the teacher the day before, but did not personally write it on her check out chart. My bad.

But she got on the bus! Holding hands with a friend. Pretty darn cute.

I then followed the bus - curious about the number of stops but also making sure my child did not get off on the wrong stop.

At one point I lost the bus. So I went to the after school facility and waited. The totally ride time was 40 minutes. That a long time for kids - but she didn't seem to mind.

She had a blast and now I am lopkig forward to 6 hours to myself on weds!

Bravery

My daughter is trying so hard to sleep in her own bed. It is so hard. When she was born, the nurse said to me "you've got a cuddler... She is going to love being held'"
She wasn't kidding. My daughter has always been happiest in our arms "hold me" is her favorite phrase.
At 5 she can really use her words to express her feelings. She wants to fall asleep with me next to her - not across the room in a chair. I tell her - it will get easier. I tell her that she is brave.
And I think she is.
It hard to be alone in a dark room. She has a turtle tank in her room. Turtles are not quiet - the swimming and banging on the floating rocks plus the sound of the running water from the filter would drive me nut all night. But my kid can sleep through just about anything - its just getting to sleep that is the pain in the ass.

I know this is good for her. But it breaks my heart when she cries and just wants to be held.

receipts

My daughter got the same preset from two friends. It happens all the time. So I took the duplicate gift to K-Mart. I knew they carried it because I had seen it there. They would not take it even for store credit. It was ridiculous. I needed to produce a receipt. I would not have been too upset, but my daughter was with me so she could pick out the "replacement."

So we went to Toys R US. Same thing. They refused to take it. I just wanted to exchange it for something else! So now my daughter is in tears becuase she had her heart set on a new toy. I bought her something she wanted - a Pillow Pet - and she was thrilled.

When did all this "receipt" business start? The Toys R Us manager told me that I needed to ask my friends for the receipt. I told him that was completely uncouth. He said, "You always get a gift receipt when you buys something here. They should have given it to you." He also suggested I get their Rewards (whatever they call it) Card number and they can look it up and see if indeed they had bought it there.

I don't know if they got it there. IT WAS A GIFT. Like I'm gonna call my friends and see... really..

So I will now be re-gifting this fantastic thing. And I will make sure to always give a gift receipt.

Technology

Oh my - I was covetting the iPad today. Do I really need it? No. Do I really want one? I think yes.

But I do have a worry. I let my daughter use my iPhone occasionally to play a game (I have a few for her). Usually I hand it to her in the car if we have or horrible traffic or the ride I more than 30 minutes. Lately, she asks to play on my phone all the time.
We created this problem. My husband and I are on our phones all the time. Checking email, facebook and yes playing games. I am currently addicted to "words with friends" a scrabble type game.

We were so bad that we had out phones at the dinner table. So rule #2 on our house rules list is - no phones at the table.

I admit to my technology addiction.
I worry what I am modeling to my child.

What would happen if got the bigger toy?

Could I possibly set some healthy user boundaries?

I'm just not sure.

And I am typing this on my iPhone while my daughter falls asleep...

Sleep

We subscribed the the family bed idea. Well I did - I think the husband just went along with it because I wanted to. For the last several years the kid has gone to bed in her own bed but crawls into ours between midnight and 3am.

She is 5 now and we decided that she needs to stay in her bed all night. The other sleep problem is that one of us would lay down with her until she fell asleep. If it was me, I would often fall asleep too and there goes those precious few hours alone with the spouse or a good book.

We have had some success the last two nights. The husband and I played tag team in getting her to sleep on her own (one of us is sitting in the rocking chair in her room). But tonight I was on my own. She started to have a tantrum and began to weep. She begged me to lay down with her and said that this whole process was "not fair to kids.". I asked her if Bernard would help and she said maybe.

Bernard is a stuffed animal. A Saint Bernard dog. It is the only toy I still have from my childhood. I got the ragged filthy dog off te shelf in my room - he is missing his nose and his leg is taped up. I handed him to my daughter. She took him in her arms and stopped crying. Within 5 minutes she was asleep. Bernard got me through a lot as a kid. He protected me from all the bad things in the world and all the things that go bump in the night.

I think my daughter felt his mojo.

Social networking

Yep I am going to write about Facebook. But not a full rant - I'll save that for later.

Yes - I use it.

I post adorable pictures of my darling child and fur children

I brag about shows opening.

I post, what I consider to be, interesting news articles. I never shove them down peoples throats.

I hit the "like" button a lot. I make comments on friends status and enjoy their photos.

I wish people happy birthday.

I do not tell people what a "great time I had" at any given party. Why? Well, usually not everyone is invited to functions and I don't want other "friends" feeling bad.

I don't use it to make numerous dates and let people know where I am "physically"

I find it a little like high school to do those things. Really, do I need to let everyone know how popular I am bragging about how many places I have been invited to?

Toes

I have never broken a bone in all my 3+ decades on this planet. Today - I think I broke my toe.

My sister broker her arms (not at the same time). In both instances she was on the "monkey bars" on the school play structure. I remember this structure well. It was made of wood - had multiple levels. The monkey bars were metal. I clearly remember running down the wooden stairs in hot pursuit of a friend. I held on the the wood railing as I ran and felt excruciating pain as over 20 slivers of wood went into my palm. I was sent to the school nurse who told me she was not "allowed" to remove them - she just bandaged my hand and sent me back to class. My mom had to pull them out when she got home from work. She was so livid at the school. I think it was the first time I ever heard her muttering angry words under her breath.

So today at my daughter's school - I watched them put in a new structure for the kindergartners. It has monkey bars. But the whole thing is mental and plastic. At my elementary school - tanbark was the filler of choice. Here - a nice plastic-like foamy ground so you don't get hurt onto concrete.

beautiful architecture

We went to the USS Arizona Memorial. Thought it was a beautiful and tasteful tribute.

lists

Christopher Moore, the author of Lamb, one of my favorite books, commented on his Facebook that "bloggers:making lists is not writing."
and yet another favorite author Umberto Eco says, "We like lists because we don't want to die." Eco just came out with a book about Lists.

I love lists. I love lists of words. I wrote a play many moons ago, where I would list would write a word and then two more similar ones that seemed to push it forward. It's like searching for an action in theatre.

Your action could be "to educate", but if you look up a list of words like educate - you get to enlighten, to nurture, to cultivate, to counsel -- each maintains the idea of "to educate" but shift the nuance. In theatre we are always looking for the high stakes verb to play. To educate - great starting point but general. To enlighten - stronger and more direct.

art in my house

This is in the living room. It is signed - but who knows if Dali really signed it. It's a print given to me and my hubby by my sister and her ex-husband.

















My kid is terrified of "skeleton bones", and yet this does not bother her. She has even tried to draw it... not bad for a five year old. I think the skeleton bone fear came from a Disney movie... drat!








The husband gave me this. It's a giclee print. It was in my office at work, and now my office at home. I love it. I love this period of Picasso and I think Dora Maar is amazing.













In the rest of the house we have various actual paintings, prints and mixed media that we have acquired at benefit auctions for non-profit theatres. But, in my bedroom is a 3X4 painting of my wedding bouquet. An amazing artist named Dorothy Annette was doing "studies in white" and asked to borrow it (this was after I told her my mother had saved my bouquet and it had dried beautifully). When she lost her studio, she gave me the painting on loan, until she could find another studio. I enjoy it every day and awake to its beauty. (forgive the dim lit picture - the kid is asleep in my room - pain fumes in hers -see previous post - but the picture doesn't do the painting justice.)

color

Today I started to prep my 5 year old daughter's room for a new paint treatment.

When I was pregnant with her, the husband and I decided a gender neutral palate would be best (even though we knew we were having a girl). So the carpet we chose was (and is) sage green. The walls were a soft yellow from the floor to about five feet, then a border, then a warm white. The border was classic Winnie-the-Pooh.

I had made a very firm rule with my family - no pink for my kid. A rule I enforced with my mother but didn't have the heart to enforce with my mother-in-law after she had knitted one of the most beautiful receiving blankets I have ever seen. The blanket was pink. My mother-in-law also got her adorable (pink) clothes.

My mom somehow understood the double standard, after grilling me about the pictures starting to surface of my newborn in pink.

The husband discovered that our baby looks terrific in salmon and many shades of green. He has exquisite taste in clothing for her. I love it when he shops.

When she was a babe, I dressed her in pants and jeans. When she learned to talk, she started to want dresses and skirts.

When I started taking her shopping so she could pick out her own clothes - she would go straight for the pink and purple.

Now she is 5. She has developed her own tastes. She loves Fancy Nancy. She wants to learn French. She has begun kindergarten. The "nursery" now needs to change. So I let her pick the colors of her room. She requested two colors - pink and purple - on alternating walls. So "One Enchanted Evening" a light purple will be on two walls and "Enchanted Princess" a light pink will be on the other two.

I will no longer fight this. I have a girly-girl who will play in a dirt-pile in a frilly dress and enjoy it! And yes, that dress was light green.

Late night art

The question that came to mind today - is it beneficial for an artist to have their work displayed in a restaurant or coffee shop?

lasting

About seven years ago, I got it in my head that I would make furniture. Outdoor furniture - do some woodworking. The desire was great.

A mentor told me that all us theatre people have this need for the tangible. The art we create exists in a moment. There is no way to save it. Pictures don't do it justice. Filmed versions of theatrical experiences are always strange to watch. Theatre is about the moment, the immediate connection with the audience. It lasts for a certain period of time and then is no more.

Perhaps this is why drawing has gotten me excited. Perhaps this is why I want to start creating book art (not scrapbooking). I guess I am interested in creating something that will out live me.

Something that lasts.

Drawing

I have joined an adult drawing class. We meet once a week for two hours. It is one of those "anyone can draw" kind of classes - so no one can feel bad if they have never drawn before. I used to draw - well, copy really. Cartoon characters, etc. I really never drew anything from my own imagination. Nor have I been able to do a "quick sketch" of something.

My daughter wants me to draw for her all the time - especially at restaurants where you can draw on the paper tablecloth. So I would like to not make a total fool of myself - thus the class.

Unfortunately I have not been able to draw every day - just the two hours in class. Like going to the gym - if you don't work those muscles they just get flabby. Oh for a few more hours in the day.

I will post some pictures soon. When the class resumes in October we are tackling still life...

What is my favorite work of art?

Last month, I went to the DeYoung's exhibit The Birth of Impressionism - treasures of the Musee d'Orsay (closing this weekend) and discovered a new painting by Claude Monet called The Magpie. I was madly enamored with it. The stark white - the lone bird sitting on top of a fence which could be a musical scale. When I lived in England, I was told that if you see one magpie, it is warning you of danger. Two meant joy. I used the magpie as the costume for Puck in Midsummer when I had to design it in college. But don't remember ever seeing this painting.

I remember being 20 and wandering around Paris, I spent a lot of time in the d'Orsay and the Louvre. I was a poor college student, eating mostly bread and cheese so I could afford to see the sites and visit the museums. I bought two posters there. A Renoir called The Seine at Asnières - The Skiff and a Monet. The Renoir was a gift to my older sister, who framed the poster and hung it in her house. 15 years later, it is still in her house. The Monet, I had framed and it hung in my apartment and then my office. One night 10 years ago, our offices were burglarized, cash was stolen and so was my framed Monet poster. Of all the bizarre things to take!

I don't think of the Impressionists much anymore. Like the Pre-Raphaelites, the Impressionists were my favorite in college. Now I am drawn to the Kandinsky, Picasso and Braque. But going to the DeYoung and seeing all these paintings again, 15 years later, make me remember why I loved them in the first place - the colors, the changing qualities of light, the brush strokes...
I'm looking forward to the second part of the exhibition. To re-discover some of these works and find more...
I did spend about 15 minutes just staring at Whistler's mother. You can see the color in her cheeks... I also didn't remember this painting. I was very confused at first and thought she was holding a light bulb, but then realized it was a mirror. It's called Truth by Jules Joseph Lefebvre. The painting is a bit larger than life size. It started the exhibit along with William Bouguereau's Birth of Venus.

Big fall

I went roller skating tonight. It was a birthday party . It was very fun

until

I fell

hard

on my knees and elbow

I got up and started skating again

about an hour more

then I crouched down to get my purse and had te most

agonizing pain go thru my knee

I am home now

ice on my knee

it sucks getting old..

Big

Two days ago I thought I was teaching a class with 280 student. Now it is 380...
that is BIG

if I didn't have a computer

So I called this investment company today to create an IRA (finally) and roll over some $$ I had sitting in an account.

It was easy to do - becuase I had a computer. The fella on the phone said, "okay. Let's log in to your account and I'll walk you thru it."

I laughed and said, "I fine it interesting that you assume I am sitting at a computer and that I have multiple lines in my home that allow me to talk to you and use the internet,"

He laughed.

But there was no hesitation on his part - didn't ask if I was near a computer. So basically I did the whole thing myself.

But what if I didn't have a computer? Or if I was doing an experiment, like my friend, who is living without Internet for a year?

A stranger

Today was my daughters ballet class. Earlier this year we started a routine of getting a "treat" prior to class. There are 90 minutes between her pre-school pick up times and the start of ballet. It's not enough time to go home, so we go out - usually for frozen yogurt. But today I wanted to see if this certain store had bookcases. I knew there was a starbucks nearby - so starbucks it was.

The kid got some over-priced fruit and an over-priced over-sugared cupcake. They were playing some fun music and my girl started showing off her moves - including some ballet. This incredibly attractive woman sitting near us overheard me telling Sophia to practice her arabesques and asks me if she was taking ballet. I said yes. We got to talking.

ThIs woman is 65. She was a trained ballerina in Canada. She joined a company in Washington D.C. Got married and stayed. She taught Disco in San Francisco. She now has two grandchildren and enjoys them. She seemed incredibly content with her life. She's now retired.

She was in the coffee shop to read her book (the one about Tolstoy).

She really left an impression. Her zen-like ease and pleasing countenance had a calming influence on me. It made me remember to breathe and enjoy the moments. Perhaps at 65, I too can just chill with a good book and not feel guilty I am not doing something more productive.

Forgive any typos - I am blogging ony iPhone while the kid falls asleep

e-mail strangeness

I want to begin by stating that I do send "informal" e-mails to friends and family. Let me explain my definition of "informal" -- perhaps an example is best:

Hey - wanna grab coffee today. Lemme know

or

did the package arrive?

I do start group e-mails to my friends with a 'Hi all" - just so they know it is to MANY people (god forbid people reply all and say something horrible by accident).

I try very hard to follow this example (except with the husband):

Dear (or some kind of greeting) Name,

Content content Content

All the best,
my name


BUT - I always thought a formal e-mail should be written like a letter. A formal e-mail is one to someone you have never met, a boss, a potential business contact or a professional acquaintance. It is the e-mail you send to a business.. etc

I have been inundated by e-mail from students who want to Crash my class. many of them cannot be bothered to address the e-mail to me.
Just a 'Hey I want to take your class but it's full. Can you give me a permission code."
No salutation or greeting and in some cases not even a closing or signature.
Just an order.

They were able to track down my e-mail, they couldn't address the letter to me?

And these are people who WANT something from me. And most of these are college SENIORS who will be graduating in just a few short months. Can you imagine if they send an e-mail like that to a potential employer?

When did we loose civility? Are we not teaching etiquette anymore?

But since this is world where some people think it is appropriate to mention their vaginal cyst in their Facebook status (really this happened) - I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Beautiful stranger

My daughter has very eccletic taste when it comes to music. My husand made her a "mash up" CD that we both keep in our cars. Madonna's Beautiful Stranger is on the CD. She knows all the words and sings it loudly. She also has songs from the curious George and Hairspray soundtracks. She also knows which other CDs we each have in our respective car. Bowie and Cheryl Crowe in mine and Bare Naked Ladies in her dads. She sometimes asks for songs by name. It's pretty damn cute.

I find that when I listen to songs of my youth (70s/80s) I am so flabbergasted by what they mean. I was a big Duran Duran fan (seriously what girl wasn't?) back in the day and I was oblivious to all the sexual innuendo in the songs. Blondie'a lyrics and The Police too surpirse me... I realized that I had no clue what the songs I sang by heart were really about.

And that is okay.

I laughed out loud when the kid wanted to hear "mother" on the Synchronisity album the other day.

stranger in my own city

I am freaking out about kindergarten. The kid goes this fall and I just don't know what to do. Where should she go?

I realized that I have allowed myself to remain a stranger in this city/county I live in.

I have never really bothered to memorize street names. Of course, I know fun spots and how to get places. I know where to find things I need.

But at times I feel I don't know anything about this place I call home.

In chatting with my dear friend today about the kindergarten dilemma, I said, "I guess I never thought we would still be living here at this point." That just came out. My city girl prejudices are sitting right there at the forefront of my mind causing me to think that this small town school that my kid will go to isn't good enough for her.

Have I ever been to the school? Nope. I need to get over myself. It's got a great ranking and people I respect seem to love it.

I have been holding on (or carrying) this notion of - I don't know what.

I feel a bit displaced. Maybe it was the trip to SD that got me a little discombobulated... hmmm

Stranger in a familiar land

A great many things have happened in the last two months.

I have a never ending fascination with nature vs. nurture and how environment shapes the individual. For five weeks I was in SD. I had lived in SD for over a decade (with a mini-stint in LA that we hardly ever discuss). We moved away from there 5 1/2 years ago (it took a good year to finally leave). But now I was back to do some work.

I have lots of friends and business associates there. People I adore. And its not like this was my first time back. I have done five other gigs there of similar lengths of time.

But this time was different. I made an interesting discovery about myself. I have been heavily influenced by my current environment. Since moving to my little mountain/beach community I have:
1. grown much more environmentally aware
2. really looked at the role of media as it impacts my life and that of my child.
3. become increasingly concerned about the food we eat


Now is it the environment or the people that I am hanging our with? The group of women here that I call my friends are not in the same business as I am. Our original commonality was the fact that we all had kids the same age - but in many cases our friendships have grown beyond that and the fact that our kids can play together is now a bonus and not the reason to hang out.

But what happened in SD?
The new folks I was working with were all under 30 and childless -- and their feeling about the environment and the world are very different.
My friends (most of whom have kids) lead a very different lifestyle - from showing PG rated movies to 2 year olds and eating food that list chemicals as the first ingredient.
No one could tell me where I could find a farmers market.

I am not judging- I've let my kid see non-age appropriate stuff (the simpsons) and fed her enriched hot dog buns . But I wondered if I would be doing the same thing if I had stayed there?

I laugh that I vowed to never get "crunchy" - and yet here I am - composting, taking my own cup into coffee houses as to not use a paper one.

My trip was at times incredibly familiar and at other times completely disorientating.

I missed SD a lot, which did surprised me. I missed the landscape, the accessibility of "things" and mostly, my friends.

Age

I am working on a new show. It is a "coming of age" play. So the cast is relatively younger than I - one by 20 years - but on average about 11 years younger. There is, however, a "mom" character and she is a few years older than me. And yes - we tend to gravitate to each other.

It is interesting how many times age has come up as a topic. I have been particularly sensitive to it and I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out why.

1. I started using wrinkle cream becuase I see the lines around my mouth and I look like my great-grandmother.

2. I am at a crazy point in my career where I could make a 360/180 or 90 degree turn.

3. I am 3 years from 40 and freaking out.

4. I guess I do have a career, but I still feel like I have been invited to the party and it will end up being a practical joke.

5. I get tired faster.

6. The 20somethings in my cast don't get a lot of my literary or pop-culture references.

7. I am still living pay-check to pay-check.

8. i don't know what I want to be when I grow up... and I think I need to decide quick

and the list goes on...

travel

I was in my car for a good 9 hours yesterday as I drove down the California coast in the middle of a major storm. Driving in the rain, hydroplaning and almost getting rear-ended by a giant truck puts a lot of things in perspective.

First of all, why in the frickin hell did I agree to do this show? Why did I agree to leave my home for five weeks? What am I trying to prove?

I must say that the play I am working on is lovely - everyone is lovely.

I am just 500 miles from home. I have to uproot my child for three weeks and bring her here with me. The husband has to be overly stressed becuase he has to single dad it for two weeks (one on either end of the five).

So the question is: is all this worth it? Is the traveling, free-lancing thing going to be what I do or do I just need to make sure I only work locally? Do I need to change my vocation? Next year when the kid is in kindergarten it is going to be harder to just pull her out to come with me to do a gig. I miss her terribly and I have only been gone for 32 hours.

The last time I did this it was easier. I was paid more so I was able to hire a Nanny the whole time. Perhaps I just need to set my price tag a bit higher so that I can afford to have some of the things I need and not rely (really impose) on the kindness of family and friends to help me thru it.

I should just break even doing this show. So financially it is not really worth it. But, the question is - did I say "yes" becuase I am terrified of not getting asked again? Or did I say "yes" becuase I really want to do the show (which is lovely but does not alter the way theatre is done.) or becuase I am just a masochist.

On the bright side, I am back in my old haunts and will get to see a lot of friends. But, isn't that what vacations are for?

2009 recap part II

I forgot to put a little "*" next to the books I loved... so check it out again. In some cases I was quite surprised.

And a notes about the movies - I think it is interesting in what format I see the films. If it is a DVD or Blueray that means it was in the Netflix Queue. If it says HBO/or Cable - I watched it on TV (and in some cases not letterboxed). I am utterly fascinated as to what I spent $$$ on - aka seeing it in the theatre...

taking ones own advise

I am doing an exercise that I assign my students on the first day of class. It is a list of 28 questions. I got the list from one of my favorite artists when I trained with her company. I haven't done the list myself in about 5 years and I gotta tell ya, it is frickin hard. The point is to open yourself up to the what is important to you NOW in this moment in time. They are silly questions but quite illuminating. I am stuck on many of them. I thought it would take me a half hour - but it is now up to 90 minutes to answer the questions...
hopefully this will focus me...

too many ideas swirling about...

Resolutions

This year I only have FIVE:

1. Decrease my impact on the environment
2. Write
3. Plant a garden (which is part of the backyard project that will probably take a decade to finish).
4. Exercise daily.
5. More quality time with the kid and husband.

2009 Recap

Yet again I kept track of all the books I read and all the movies I saw.
I did not track Theatre or TV, perhaps this year I will add those things...
Please note: I started teaching a class on Disney in 2009.

Books 2009
Picasso: Creator and Destroyer by arianna huffington
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - Vol. I & II by Alan Moore & Kevin O'Neill
Horse Heaven* by Jane Smiley
When You are Engulfed By Flames by David Sedaris
Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
Moby Dick* by Herman Melville
Watchmen* by Alan Moore
Team Rodent by Carl Hiassin
Foucault's Pendulum* by Umberto Eco
Disney Version by Richard Schickel
The Illusion of Life by Frank Thomas and Ollie Johnston
Before the Animation Begins by John Canemaker
Disney Discourse by Eric Smoodin
The Magic Kingdom by Steven Watts
The Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
Snow* by Orhan Pamuk
Negotiating with the Dead* by Margaret Atwood
The Disneyization of Society by Alan Bryman
Good girls and wicked witches by Amy Davis
From Mouse to Mermaid Edited by Elizabeth Bell
The Mouse that Roared by Henry A. Giroux
Inkheart by Cornelia Funke
An Actor Prepares by Constantin Stanislavski
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz* by L. Frank Baum
The Iliad* by Homer Robert Fagles translation
Wesley the Owl: The Remarkable Love Story of an Owl and His Girl by Stacey O'Brien
Three steps on the Ladder of Writing* by Helen Cixous
The Four Quartets by TS Eliot
Little Women* by Louisa May Alcott
When Nietzsche Wept* by Irvin Yalom
Laying Ghosts to Rest: Dilemmas of the Transformation in South Africa by Mamphela Ramphele
And Then, You Act* by Anne Bogart
No Impact Man: The Adventures of a Guilty Liberal Who Attempts to Aave the Planet and the Discoveries He Makes About Himself and Our Way of Life in the Process by Colin Beavan
Walden* by Henry David Thoreau
The Girl with the Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier

Movies 2009 (lists films I saw for the first time this year)
Rosemary's Baby* (HBO)
Cyrano* (great performances PBS)
Broadback Mountain (DVD)
27 dresses (HBO)
Love in the time of Cholera* (DVD)
The Dark Knight Rerurns (DVD)
Pinocchio* (DVD)
Enchanted (DVD)
Hercules (Disney version VHS)
Little Mermaid II: Return to the sea (DVD)
High School Musical (DVD)
Bottle Shock (DVD)
The Elephant Man (Cable)
Appaloosa (blueray)
Star Trek* (theatre - the new one)
Religilois (DVD)
Milk* (Blueray)
Taking Chance (HBO)
The Reader* (blueray)
Spirited away* (DVD)
Up* (theatre)
Underworld II (DVD)
GhostTown (DVD)
Underworld: rise of the lycans (blueray)
Synecdoche New York* (DVD)
Lion King 1 1/2 (DVD)
Onmioji (DVD)
Revolutionary Road (blueray)
The Visitor (DVD)
Mamma Mia (HBO)
Perfume, the Story of a Murderer* (DVD)
Watchman (Blueray) --- I did read the graphic novel prior to seeing the movie
Princess Mononoke * (DVD)
Coraline *(Blueray)
Angles and Demons (DVD)
Tropic Thunder (HBO)
The Wrestler* (Blueray)
Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure (DVD)
In My Country (DVD)
Amandla! A revolution in four part harmony (DVD)
Slum dog Milionaire* (HBO)
21up South Africa (DVD)
The Kite Runner (HBO)
Repo! The Genetic Opera (Blueray)
The Princess and the Frog (theatre)
Little Mermaid III: Ariel's beginning (TV - Disney Channel of course)
Cinderella II (DVD)
Wild strawberries* (DVD)
Avatar* (in the theatre! In 3D)