New Years Resolutions

In no particular order:


Finish the two big writing projects that I have on my desk.

Eat better, feed the family better food

make a fantastic cake

exercise (of course...)

walk the dogs more

Take a vacation with the husband and the kid

have at least one DATE a month with the husband - that does NOT involve an opening night or theatre or work

Spend more time with Friends

Use the telescope with the kid

the backyard (nothing more needs to be said)

the kitchen (paint those cabinets and the walls)

be better about money and really get a handle on the cash flow

No more new TV Shows TiVoed!!!!!

Less TV... less TV... less TV... more books

End of the year wrap up

So 2008 was a most unpleasant year. With My dad having a stroke, a tree falling in our yard, finding out that I'm going to be unemployed at the end of Jan.... the list goes on and on...

But - the kid is amazing. My friends rock. And the husband is fantastic.

The book club is still plugging along and I was able to read some really phenomenal books this year - a lot of things I would not have read if it weren't for the fabulous women in my group...

So here's my list!

Books
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy (started in 2007)
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graham
Out Stealing Horses by Per Petterson
Options by the Fake Steve Jobs
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch By Neil
Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
I am America (and So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
Perfect Madness by Judith Warner
The Three Martini Playdate by Christie Mellor
The Letters of Claire Clairmont
The Golden Compass by Phillip Pullman
Love in the Time of Cholera, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Night by Elie Wiesel
The White Castle by Orhan Pamuk
The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon
The Beekeeper’s Apprentice by Laurie King
Interred In Their Bones by Jennifer Lee Carrell
Reduced Shakespeare: The Attention-Impaired Reader's Guide to the World's Best
Playwright [Abridged] by Reed Martin & Austin Tichneor
House of Mondavi by Julia Flynn Siler
Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver
The Universe in a Single Atom by His Holiness the Dali Lama
Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan
Picasso’s Guernica by Anthony Blunt
Pablo Picasso by Mary Ann Caws
Picasso’s Weeping Woman by Mary Ann Caws
Picasso In the War Years by Stephen Nash, Editor

The highlight of my movie viewings this year was that on our 10th wedding anniversary, the husband and I took the kid to see Wall-E. It was the best romantic film of the year.

Films
The Good German (DVD)
The Simpsons Movie (DVD)
Fast Food Nation (HBO)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (DVD)
Eastern Promises (DVD)
Curious George (HBO) (many many many viewings)
Futurama: Bender’s Big Score (DVD)
Babel (DVD)
Evan Almighty (DVD)
Eragorn (HBO)
Oceans Thirteen (DVD)
The DiVinci Code (DVD)
Juno (airplane)
The Savages (airplane)
The Third Man (DVD)
No Country For Old Men (DVD)
The Bourne Ultimatum (DVD)
Live Free and Die Hard (DVD) – okay I slept through the beginning,,, so I guess it doesn’t count.
Blades of Glory (HBO) – saw the end first…
Sweeny Todd (DVD)
A Good Year (HBO)
This Film is Not Yet Rated (DVD)
Meet the Robinsons (DVD)
The Aristocats (DVD) – reALLY I HAD NEVER SEEN IT
Knocked Up (HBO)
Recount (HBO)
Indian Jones and the Crystal Skull – in the theatre
The Departed (Blueray)
Music & Lyrics (Blueray)
National Treasure 2 :Book of Secrets (DVD)
Jesus Camp (DVD) --- didn’t make it thru – had enough
Hairspray (HBO)
A Night at the Museum (HBO)
300 (HBO)
Dan in Real Life (Blueray)
Ready? OK! - in the theatre
The Darjeeling Limited (DVD)
Persepolis (DVD)
Wall-E - in the Theatre!!!
The Will Be Blood (DVD)
3:10 to Yuma (DVD)
Searching for Deborah Winger (DVD)
La Vie en Rose (DVD)
Shoot ‘em up (DVD) –okay I missed the first 20 minutes and the husband brought me up to speed
Hellboy 2 (DVD)
Tinkerbell (DVD) – oh so many times
Get Smart (DVD)
Hancock (DVD)
Mr. Magoriums Magical Emporium (HBO)
Flushed Away (HBO)
Trifels (screening at Pixar)
Picasso : Sex, Magic, Death
The Mystery of Picasso
Burn After Reading (DVD)
The Mummy 3 (DVD)
Stardust (DVD)

facebook

I just realized that Facebook has been sucking me away from my blogs. Not just this one, but the one I have for my kid too... Okay and my own laziness. But the distraction of Facebook is really intense. I find myself checking it all the time - and now that people use it to e-mail me as well - it makes a fourth e-mail account I have to check.
ARG.

But something interesting happened yesterday. I have a bunch of "friends" on FB - a lot of them are people that I've done shows with, etc. My high school boyfriend "friended" me about a month ago. Okay. Whatever. Well, his wife "friended" me today. I have met her once about 8 years ago (which was the last time I saw the old boyfriend). So, what is that about? I am tempted to form some interesting theories about why she wants to be my "friend" - but she only looks good in one scenario. Perhaps I will use the good one...

My spouse is also on Facebook - and I have no clue who some of his friends are - and frankly, I don't want to be "friends" with everyone he is "friends" with.

Anyway - I'm cutting down on my FB time.

its interesting what comes out

Warning: stream of consciousness ahead:

I had my book club last night. We read Michael Pollan's THE OMNIVORE'S DILEMMA. I was really surprised by what came out of my mouth during the discussion. Obviously the food I give my child has been on my mind a lot lately. My husband and I could both loose a few pounds and I want to set up healthy eating practices for my child. But the force in which these things have been eating away at my subconscious surprised me last night. As one of my friends put it - this book came at just the right time for me.

Now, I am not talking becoming a vegetarian again... when I had the realization that I could kill, clean and eat a chicken (thanks Gramps for doing a demo your farm when I was 8) I knew that that wouldn't happen. I just want the best possible food for my family. I want food (in the words of Fight Club) that is clean. I didn't know that cows don't eat grass anymore. They eat corn. Thanks to FAST FOOD NATION I don't think I could eat a fast-food burger knowing what the government allows an okay manure level to be.

I realized that this has been building because of the company I keep. My "Mommies" (friends from the mom group) try to eat organic, watch what food is put on their tables, cook amazing food, have sustainable gardens and do all that within strict budgets.

I was raised on Swansons, Mama Celeste, Fruity Pebbles and fast food. My mom is an excellent cook, but my mom also raised three kids on her own and didn't have time. I don't blame her for my belief that all fish tastes like fish-sticks. I blame the system that makes crappy foods cheaper than healthy foods. So infuriating.

But I also realize that this has been building because I am watching my little sister battle a weight problem. She used to be 100lbs (and 5'7") - obviously super-model skinny. Now she has gotta be 180lbs. She's trying, but with some medical complications, and stress, and a new culture infusing her home, and an over 30 year old metabolism -- how she stayed so thin before is not working now. I talk with her about nutrition and then go to a party at her house where the food (albeit super yummy - she is an awesome cook) can clog arteries just by looking at it. When she told me she only drinks whole milk I damn near fell over. Now, she is working hard on the problem, which is now a health issue. But I am really worried.

Something happened to me last week. I decided not to go to Safeway. I realized that they didn't have what I wanted: whole wheat pasta, dried mango (without sugar). So I went to the community market and found what I was looking for. I am of course worried that I am now going to be spending more money - but one of my friends said to me last night that she took her regular shopping list (and she normally shops at New Leaf) and went to Safeway - and spent about the same amount of money.

I need to track this for myself.

The other thing I talked about was food waste. I am horrified by the amount of food I throw away. Yes a compost heap is on the way. But still... FIVE avocados tossed in the trash? I realized that we buy in bulk and only once a week and things go off. All the good intentions I have about making lunch and bringing it to work go the way of the dodo when I am confronted with dining out for lunch... And now with the prospect of being unemployed in a couple months - I need to be watching the $$$.

So what do I do?

I think the Europeans have a great idea. Lots of small trips to the store, to buy fresh meat and produce. Yes, this will e a big pain in the ass since the husband and I both work. But why not try it. And make eating an event. The rush to get back to the TV or the computer has to stop. Gobbling dinner is not good for you. hen the husband and I eat out, we don't care how long it takes (unless we have plans after) why can't we have that same attitude at home and savor the food.

Also - what about creating a weekly menu? When we did the South Beach years ago, we followed that and did really well. Perhaps that is the type of regime I/we need.

For some of my friends eating is a political act. I'm not quite there yet. Right now it is about eating food that is delicious and healthy. Its is developing habits for my child that will give her joy in dining and a positive self image and a healthy life.

Enough for now. Polls have closed in Ind, KY and NH. Gotta watch.

where have I been

Wow - I haven't posted in a while. Well, life has been crazy.
I went into rehearsal at the same time the spouse was doing a show out of town. Then he went out of town again to go into tech at the same time I went into tech on my show. Besides trying to be present for my actors, make sure the kid was okay, and go thru a doggie surgery (she's fine) - it was a bit stressful.

Now the thing I have been avoiding for the last two months is on the forefront of my mind. My day job rests in the hands of a couple foundations. Now, normally I'd say - oh there's a great chance my position will continue to be funded. But with the current economic climate... most bets are off.

So I now get to set some priorities. My web page & sending my resume out into the world.

Anyone need a director?

The end of days....

I am not one to embrace prophecies about the end of the world... but... today...


So the kid and I went into Kmart. I wanted to get her a new toothbrush and they have them super cheap there. So we walk in and I put her in a cart. She says, "Mommy I want a blue cart". I said, "the carts are red." She said, "over there! I want a blue one." I looked and sure enough - blue carts. At Safeway and Home Depot she rides in those toy car carts... So we went over and I put her in. It was only at that moment I discovered, to my horror, that they are TV CARTS.






Yep. The kid has a TV in the cart with them - they can watch a Dora, Backyardigans (sp?) or Wonderpets. "F**K" says I as I am now committed to pushing her around in this abomination. The screen above intermittently plays advertisements. And plays them LOUDLY. The ads - for hair and relaxation something - seemed geared towards women. I tried to figure out what triggers the ad - I think it played every time I stopped for more than three minutes.

So what should have been a 5 minute excursion - turned into a 23 minute one as I had to let the entire episode play... otherwise there would have been screaming. In retrospect - I should have just let the screaming happen.

I guess soon we will find out if Androids dream of electric sheep...

Amazon's selections

So when you sign on to Amazon - you get your home page - which they tell ya to get a little something off your wish list or make recommendations based on your last couple purchases. Now, I have two wish lists - one for me and one for the kid. I recently added a bunch of books and toys to her list. I also just bought the DVD of THE SWARM for work - research on a show.

So underneath the "Get yourself a little something" which was compelety filled with stuff from my daughter's list (groovy girls and OZ books) it had "More to explore" which was all horror movies - and I mean the really scary ones from the late 70s early 80s... the ones that caused nightmares in me as a kid...

And you should see the combination of stuff that comes up when I hit "my amazon".

Makes me giggle.

Gloria Steinem article

She’s Phyllis Schlafly, Only Younger
by Gloria Steinem

September 4, 2008

Here’s the good news: Women have become so politically powerful that even the anti-feminist right wing—the folks with a headlock on the Republican Party—are trying to appease the gender gap with a first-ever female vice president. We owe this to women— and to many men too—who have picketed, gone on hunger strikes or confronted violence at the polls so women can vote. We owe it to Shirley Chisholm, who first took the “white-male-only” sign off the White House, and to Hillary Rodham Clinton, who hung in there through ridicule and misogyny to win 18 million voters.

But here is even better news: It won’t work. This isn’t the first time a boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him and opposes everything most other women want and need. Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It’s about making life more fair for women everywhere. It’s not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too many of us for that. It’s about baking a new pie.

Selecting Sarah Palin, who was touted all summer by Rush Limbaugh, is no way to attract most women, including die-hard Clinton supporters. Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Clinton. Her down-home, divisive and deceptive speech did nothing to cosmetize a Republican convention that has more than twice as many male delegates as female, a presidential candidate owned and operated by the right wing and a platform that opposes pretty much everything Clinton’s candidacy stood for—and that Barack Obama’s still does. To vote in protest for McCain/Palin would be like saying, “Somebody stole my shoes, so I’ll amputate my legs.”

This is not to beat up on Palin. I defend her right to be wrong, even on issues that matter most to me. I regret that people say she can’t do the job because she has children in need of care, especially if they wouldn’t say the same about a father. I get no pleasure from imagining her in the spotlight on national and foreign policy issues about which she has zero background, with one month to learn to compete with Senator Joe Biden’s 37 years’ experience.

Palin has been honest about what she doesn’t know. When asked last month about the vice presidency, she said, “I still can’t answer that question until someone answers for me: What is it exactly that the VP does every day?” When asked about Iraq, she said, “I haven’t really focused much on the war in Iraq.”

She was elected governor largely because the incumbent was unpopular, and she’s won over Alaskans mostly by using unprecedented oil wealth to give a $1,200 rebate to every resident. Now she is being praised by McCain’s campaign as a tax cutter, despite the fact that Alaska has no state income or sales tax. Perhaps McCain has opposed affirmative action for so long that he doesn’t know it’s about inviting more people to meet standards, not lowering them. Or perhaps McCain is following the Bush administration habit, as in the Justice Department, of putting a job candidate’s views on “God, guns and gays” ahead of competence. The difference is that McCain is filling a job one 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency.

So let’s be clear: The culprit is John McCain. He may have chosen Palin out of change-envy, or a belief that women can’t tell the difference between form and content, but the main motive was to please right-wing ideologues; the same ones who nixed anyone who is now or ever has been a supporter of reproductive freedom. If that were not the case, McCain could have chosen a woman who knows what a vice president does and who has thought about Iraq; someone like Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison or Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine. McCain could have taken a baby step away from right-wing patriarchs who determine his actions, right down to opposing the Violence Against Women Act.

Palin’s value to those patriarchs is clear: She opposes just about every issue that women support by a majority or plurality. She believes that creationism should be taught in public schools but disbelieves global warming; she opposes gun control but supports government control of women’s wombs; she opposes stem cell research but approves “abstinence-only” programs, which increase unwanted births, sexually transmitted diseases and abortions; she tried to use taxpayers’ millions for a state program to shoot wolves from the air but didn’t spend enough money to fix a state school system with the lowest high-school graduation rate in the nation; she runs with a candidate who opposes the Fair Pay Act but she supports $500 million in subsidies for a natural gas pipeline across Alaska; she supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, though even McCain has opted for the lesser evil of offshore drilling. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger.

I don’t doubt her sincerity. As a lifetime member of the National Rifle Association, she doesn’t just support killing animals from helicopters, she does it herself. She doesn’t just talk about increasing the use of fossil fuels but puts a coal-burning power plant in her own small town. She doesn’t just echo McCain’s pledge to criminalize abortion by overturning Roe vs. Wade, she says that if one of her daughters were impregnated by rape or incest, she should bear the child. She not only opposes reproductive freedom as a human right but implies that it dictates abortion, without saying that it also protects the right to have a child.

So far, the major new McCain supporter that Palin has attracted is James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Of course, for Dobson, “women are merely waiting for their husbands to assume leadership,” so he may be voting for Palin’s husband.

Being a hope-a-holic, however, I can see two long-term bipartisan gains from this contest.

Republicans may learn they can’t appeal to right-wing patriarchs and most women at the same time. A loss in November could cause the centrist majority of Republicans to take back their party, which was the first to support the Equal Rights Amendment and should be the last to want to invite government into the wombs of women.

And American women, more of whom may suffer because of having two full-time jobs than from any other single injustice, finally have support on a national stage from male leaders who know that women can’t be equal outside the home until men are equal in it. Barack Obama and Joe Biden are campaigning on their belief that men should be, can be and want to be at home for their children.

This could be huge.


This commentary was first published in the Los Angeles Times.

still damp

Thanks everyone for your wonderful avengeful messages. I'm fine. I was just flying high with something and then had to compromise it for stupid reasons.

Just another thing this week to make me REALLY REALLY happy I did not get the job.

Anyway. It's been a tiring week. No day care this week and both the husband and I have had a lot of work to do. He hasn't been getting home until midnight - so we've been staying up late. And then getting up early. He leaves on Saturday for 10 days. So things are a bit cray around these parts...

rain

Someone has rained on my parade and I am livid!

I hate people.

c'est la vie

This last couple weeks as been edifying - if nothing else...

It started with a beautiful wedding. Nothing like seeing two people in love get married.

Next was the birthday. The kid turned three. She was thrilled it was her birthday. Thrilled to see her friends and thrilled to eat a cupcake. The happiness that beams from a child's face when everyone sings happy birthday" and then they get to blow out a candle - is true beauty. We had the party in the middle of the week at the aquarium. Lots of fun and no mess at home to clean up!

The birthday was followed by an announcement that I didn't get the job (aka a promotion) at work. I've known for a couple weeks - but haven't been able to say anything to anyone about it (except the hubby). Today, after the announcement, one of my co-workers came into my office and told me how upset his entire department was that I didn't get the job. That made me feel that I have been doing something right.

But I need to talk about the relief that hit me when I found out I didn't get it. The whole interview process made me really analyze why I am in this field: What kind of art inspires me: what gets me passionate: and what is really important. Whereas the job would have doubled my income (yup). I think I would have ultimately been miserable. I would have had to compromise my aesthetic. It would have been a true Faustian bargain.

I realized that I didn't get angry about not getting the job until a co-worker (female, 50+, no kids) said, "Well, you're still a new mom so its probably for the best." Losing a job to a middle-aged white man (the second time in two years I might add) and being the only female candidate (the job I applied for last year I was the only woman) and the youngest - has gotten my feminist ruffled. This woman thought she was making me feel better. It didn't.

Yes, I'm happy I wont have to spend 60 hours at work (as opposed to the 40+ I do now) and yea, we want to have another baby and the job probably would have been more difficult with that going on -- but because I am a mother should have nothing to do with it. And would she have said that to a man?

But this is a bigger issue. Why was I the only women (out of 5 people) interviewed for the job? I know they had a lot of applicants and then a list of 12, then 5, then the final three... And I believe (thought I haven't seen the list) that I was the only woman when it was narrowed to 12. Are there really no other qualified women? I find that INCREDIBLY hard to believe.

i'm a little uppity

So should I get on my feminist high horse about the Olympics?

I have been fuming for days that they only showed the winning point in the women's saber - and they only did that becuase the US took all thress medals. Do they not want to show women fighting with swords? Girls kick ass - can't we see that?

The numerous women's beach volleyball games are shown - yes they're amazing to watch, but also in bikinis.

They didn't show women's swimming because men's gymnastics was so intense - but then last night they cut away from the VERY intense women's gymnastic team to show men's swimming. Hmmm. I guess Michael Phelps is what the viewers want to see - and yeah - he's amazing. I want to watch him swim. But, some of our other athletes are amazing too... and shouldn't we be able to see some of these other counties earn gold? We're so American and China centered... if there is another country doing well - we don't seem to talk about it.

Thanks NY Times for showing pictures (at least) of the other athletes from other countries who are the top in their field. And keeping us updated on the other events taking place. Didn't realize that there were some Equestrian events already and rowing... and archery... and... and....

reality check

We dropped some money and got iphones - yeah we did. Our phones were old. We need to have remote access to our calendars and e-mail... plus we did wait until the second generation came out.

I went to the break room today to get some water cooler water. One of the young women who just recently joined the development team was in there making her lunch. She took two hamburger buns our of the "free" bag (they were left overs from the company picnic). As I microwaved my water, I watched as she put mustard on the buns and then slices of cheese (the Kraft singles), which were also left over from the picnic. That was it. That was her lunch.

I walked back to my office and drank my tea remembering the days of Ramen and grilled cheese.

manual labor

I just did 90 minutes of gardening and I feel great. I just couldn't take our lack of curb appeal any longer...

Now I need to finish reading the book club book.... 200 pages to go... wish me luck.

itch

I am so stressed I am itching... this job BS needs to be over soon.

"Hurry up and wait" is now turning into mental cruelty.

my latest addiction

The husband is working late - he's in tech.

So I have been watching House Hunters, followed by House Hunters International for a week now.

Someone stop me.

At least tonight I had a glass of wine.

The Potlatch Effect

So, I have been reading this book. And there is this section about "why we are good". One of the theories had me supressing an uncomfortable giggle.

"Altruistic giving may be an advertisement of dominance or superiority".

This made me think about people I know who tend to give random gifts for no apparent reason. I always feel a little bit guilty about not being able to afford to give them a gift back. I always wonder - "do they feel they need to buy my friendship?" or "do I need to buy them something too?"

I wonder if it is subconscious - their need to feel some kind of dominance... hmmm...

Now - I'm all for a nice card, flowers, etc. But those are usually for an occasion - get well, birthday, mother's day, get out of your funk, thank you, congratulations, new jobs, new babies, you rock, apologies. And yes - the occasional "I was thinking about you and thought you would like this" is fine.

A bottle of wine for doing a huge favor gets big points in my book. But showing up to see someone and they have a gift for you (for no reason) is just socially awkward.

Also, if they pick up the check too many times... I have to wonder "are they keeping score?" Should I start carrying around a notebook so I know how many times they buy? Will this be used against me later?

Then I thought (here comes the uncomfortable giggle) - have I done that?

banana bread

The kid and I made banana bread tonight. we wont get to sample it until morning. It bake while she took her bath and I took it out of the oven in between Curious George stories (I had to read three tonight). So - let's hope the boy dog doesn't eat this loaf before we get a chance to try it...

pancakes and latte

Every Saturday morning we (me and the kid) make pancakes. She mixes the dry ingredients - I do the wet. Then she watches me put them on the griddle and flip them. I had been using a recipe from THE JOY OF COOKING. Pretty standard. But in my quest to make things a bit more healthy I have started changing the recipe around a bit. My inspiration has been coming from my gal pals who have wonderful culinary expertise...

The Recipe from JOY
1 1/2 cup flour
3 tbs sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking power
1/2 tsp salt

3 tbs butter
1 1/2 cup milk
2 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla

My modified version:
3/4 cup flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup flax seed
1 1/2 tsp baking power
1/2 salt
cinnamon (I let the kid handle this - sometimes its really cinnamon-y - like a big tablespoon)
1/4 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp ginger
same wet ingredients as above.

She gets a nice cup of chocolate milk (aka Ovaltine) and I enjoy a latte. Yep I have finally (after 7 months) figured out my espresso machine. I was putting in too much coffee...

more animal encounters

Today I saw this in my patio. So, I looked up Dragonfly in one of my books...

There is a legend that a dragonfly was once a dragon. Coyote tricked Dragon by having him showing its art of magic and illusion by changing form - into a Dragonfly. By showing off his power, Dragon lost it.

"Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change, the messages of wisdom and enlightenment, and communications from the elemental world."
It goes on to say...
"...it may be time to break down the illusions you have held hat restrict your actions or ideas..."

hmm...