The Potlatch Effect

So, I have been reading this book. And there is this section about "why we are good". One of the theories had me supressing an uncomfortable giggle.

"Altruistic giving may be an advertisement of dominance or superiority".

This made me think about people I know who tend to give random gifts for no apparent reason. I always feel a little bit guilty about not being able to afford to give them a gift back. I always wonder - "do they feel they need to buy my friendship?" or "do I need to buy them something too?"

I wonder if it is subconscious - their need to feel some kind of dominance... hmmm...

Now - I'm all for a nice card, flowers, etc. But those are usually for an occasion - get well, birthday, mother's day, get out of your funk, thank you, congratulations, new jobs, new babies, you rock, apologies. And yes - the occasional "I was thinking about you and thought you would like this" is fine.

A bottle of wine for doing a huge favor gets big points in my book. But showing up to see someone and they have a gift for you (for no reason) is just socially awkward.

Also, if they pick up the check too many times... I have to wonder "are they keeping score?" Should I start carrying around a notebook so I know how many times they buy? Will this be used against me later?

Then I thought (here comes the uncomfortable giggle) - have I done that?