things in the toilet

I have decided to follow Dr. Sears' advice on potty training - well - the do it in a weekend advise... I was ill prepared.

I only had nine pairs of panties for the girl... all of which got washed at least twice on Saturday. Sunday and Monday - only three pairs down. I am not expecting a miracle... but at least she is now telling me (well 50% of the time) that she has to go...

Anyway while this is happening this weekend, I have been exchanging e-mails with an old mentor and good friend about the state of theatre in this country. I sent him this article, which a friend sent me.

I now work for a regional theatre - I used to run a scappy little alternative theatre out of an old funeral chapel...

Ohh - and poop with a lot of Almonds in it is pretty stinky...

The difference between theatres with money and theatres without is artistic freedom. And yep - if you don't have a huge budget you can get riskier and more adventurous with your programming. You also get to go into major credit card debt because you can't pay your rent.

"Mommy I have to pee" means "Mommy I am peeing"

The problem with regional theatre is that the larger you get the less risks you can take because one bad show means the box office take is awful which means possible lay-offs... so it is easy to fall into the mindset to just do shows that "sell". And how is that supposed to make one company distinct from another?

And because EVERYONE and their mother thinks they know about the arts... and the ignorant people write reviews and pass themselves off as theatre experts wouldn't know Artaud if he spanked them in the ass... and everyone thinks they can act... and that its easy... the art form is loosing its..well.. form...

formless poop is harder to get out of panties than a firm one...

there are very few theatre companies that have big budgets that are actually moving the art form forward...

and VERY few companies that support local talent...

a guy asked me why we bring people in from New York, LA, wherever.. and I said, we want the best possible talent on our stage and sometimes that means we have to go out of town...

why can't we work where we live?

why a vagabond existence?

And why can't artists just create art? Why do we have to make a "product?"

I really hate using hotel toilets...

the crack of dawn

When I was a kid, my mom left the house around 5:30am to get to work. She would walk into our rooms and give us a kiss before leaving. Now, most of the time we didn't wake up. But, we knew she come in because we would have big lipstick marks on our faces. We're talking bright mauve or a deep wine color, usually.

I had to leave the house at 6:30 this morning (truly difficult for me...).

When I kissed the husband and the child good-bye I thought about this and smiled.

I'm a very conflicted person

I have been pondering a response to Melissa's post. She, being a brilliant person and master debater, brought up a lot of good points.

Finding good role models for girls is incredibly hard.

My niece was in town for a volleyball tournament this weekend. So my sister and I took her to this place to get her prom dress... It seems that all the girls want to get their dress here because they have a guarantee not to sell the same dress to anyone else going to your school's event. Yeah, I know. Anyway... check out these dresses that 16-18 year old girls are buying. I was SHOCKED. My niece, thankfully, got one of the more tasteful dress - but it was backless...

Project Runway had an episode (yes I love this show...) - a PROM challenge. They had to design a dress for the client but the mom was looming in the distance. None of the designers could bring themselves to designing revealing dresses - even as the girls begged them too.

What does this have to do with Princesses? Well, when all the images of the Disney Princesses (and Barbies) are about being in ball gowns with perfect make-up and hair, I find it rather disconcerting. As a woman with major issues (yes - the body kind), I really would love to figure our a way to prevent my daughter from having them. I guess my opposition to the Princess franchise boil more down to marketing than the content of the film (although...).

I know that eventually she'll meet those gals - the princesses I mean - and I hope it's Belle first. She reads. She's cool. Please understand I actually love Disneyland (in the off season) and played with Barbies until well... lets just say until I was too old to be playing with them.

But there are other reasons I avoid those films...
The villains in all those movies:

Snow White: evil stepmother
Cinderella: evil stepmother
Sleeping Beauty: evil fairy
Little Mermaid: evil female octopus

Okay - Beauty and the Beast has the bad guy being the good looking fella... very nice...

Ya get dead moms all the time in the Disney Films: Snow White, Cinderella, Bambie, Finding Nemo, etc...

Mel's is right - you could go crazy if you stick to a feminist high horse on all those films. Perhaps I am over sensitive.

Soph loves Dora the Explorer - asks to watch it over any other show. As I look at those other programs on TV - that seems to be the only show with a girl lead. Blue's Clues is a girl dog. Anything I'm missing?

I finished it!

I have been missing lately because I HAD to finish War & Peace.
I'm still digesting it.

the jungle book

So I introduced my daughter to my favorite animated movie - The Jungle Book. We completely enjoyed it. But then there was the end...
A young girl sings this song and the lyrics go like this:

My own home, my own home
My own home, my own home

Father's hunting in the forest
Mother's cooking in the home
I must go to fetch the water
'Til the day that I'm grown
'Til I'm grown, 'til I'm grown
I must go to fetch the water
'Til the day that I'm grown

Then I will have a handsome husband
And a daughter of my own
And I'll send her to fetch the water
I'll be cooking in the home
Then I'll send her to fetch the water
I'll be cooking in the home

Now I have boycotted all the "Princess" movies - except Mulan because she kicks ass and it is not about getting married...

Am I being to sensitive?

quote of the day

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
-Sean O'Casey, Irish dramatist (1880 - 1964)

2007 lists

Well, I did NOT finish War and Peace. I am at the top of Volume III - which is the half way point. It is fantastic and I am throughly annoyed that I have to work right now and cannot finish it... ARG. So hopefully by the end of this month I'll be done... hopefully...

But 2007 had a lot of fun reads (thanks to my mom friends and our book club for opening my eyes to authors I normally wouldn't read). The list, yet again, does not include the stuff I have to read for work... perhaps next year I'll include that stuff...

To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis
The Third Witch by Rebecca Reisert
Gilead by Marilynne Robinson
Ex Libris by Anna Fadmen
Marley and Me by John Grogan
Death in Venice by Thomas Mann
The Feminine Mistake by Leslie Bennets
Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows by JK Rowling
Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde
Fluke by Christopher Moore
Candy Freak by Steve Almond
How to Cook a Wolf by MK Fisher (ok didn’t finish it, but I tried!)
Treason by Orson Scott Card
Turning on the Girls by Cheryl Benard

I also tracked the movies I watched this year - because I was curious... I have three netflixs sitting by the TV right now... and they've been there for a while... I think its becuase they are all 2 hours plus...

FILMS
(first viewings only - I mean, why track the crap I've seen before and just happens to be on the television?)

Little Miss Sunshine (dvd)
Firewall (dvd)
The Illusionist (DVD)
The Queen (theatre - YES I went to an actual movie theatre!!!!)
Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason (TV-edited)
The Pursuit of Happyness (dvd)
For Your consideration (dvd)
Casino Royale (dvd)
The Lake House (HBO)
Children of Men (DVD)
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (DVD)
Cars (DVD)
Smokin’ Aces (DVD)
Pan’s Labyrinth (DVD) - my favorite move of 2007!!!!
The Breakup (HBO)
The Devil Wears Prada (HBO)
Shrek the Third (on airplane)
Idiocracy (DVD)
Dreamgirls (DVD)
Stranger than Fiction (DVD)
The Prestige (DVD)
Last King of Scotland (DVD)
The Fountain (DVD)
Ratatouille (DVD)

Wow - I think I might be suffering from multiple personality disorder after looking at this list!

what's by your toilet?

My sister got me Steven Colbert's book for my birthday. When I showed it to my husband - I said "Yippee new bathroom reading"
He said "Good we can take AMERICA out of there now"

I realized that bathroom reading is important.

Currently in our bathroom:
Steven Colbert's Book I AM AMERICA
1001 PLACES YOU SHOULD SEE BEFORE YOU DIE
1001 PLACES TO SEE US & CANADA
A copy of National Geographic
A Williams Sonoma Catalog
An issue of REAL SIMPLE from October that I haven't read yet...
And various other catalogs from which we will NEVER order.

In our "gust bathroom"
A different copy of National Geographic
AMERICA
EINSTEIN'S DREAMS
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
A CALVIN AND HOBBES book
Some random cigar magazines (the husband's)


I realize that since we moved to this house I started a bizarre magazine ritual. When I get a National Geographic - I put the new one in the living room - the living room one goes to our bathroom - that one goes to the guest bathroom - and that one goes into storage... hmmm what does that say about me?

kitty

We spent Christmas with my sister-in-law in San Diego. We haven't been to her house in 9 months. Soph is 28 months old - so she was 19 months old last time she saw them - and they babysat for me.

They had a beautiful cat that Soph loved chasing around. The cat went missing during those awful fires and never returned.

The husband and I made sure not to mention the cat at all to Soph.

The moment we walked in the house. Soph went "kitty?" and started running around looking for it.

Had no idea she would remember that.

We were able to get her to understand that the cat went away before she saw her cousin. Although he is 16, it was Xmas and we didn't want to remind him of his lost pet.

Crazy that she would remember that 9 months later.

Guess I better watch what I say...

35

I just turned 35. Although I didn't want anyone to make a fuss - I was so surprised by the wonderful events of the last week. I feel very fortunate to have such people in my life.

My mommy group took me out for dinner at this snazzy wine joint downtown. I can't be more thankful for this group of truly inspiring women (and one dad). They bend over backwards to make you feel special.

My husband surprised me with a framed giclee of my favorite Picasso. He also got me a yummy cake and made me scallops and shrimp wrapped in bacon... mmmm.... bacon... love it when that man cooks.

My daughter sang me Happy Birthday for several days. It was beautiful.

And then my gift to myself:
I (with the help of the husband) dyed my hair last night - close to the natural color - was tired of the red - and needed to hide the grey skunk that looked good with the pixi cut - but not so great with the longer do.

actively listening

I attended a work meeting last week. I had to give a presentation about what my job is and how we do a certain aspect of my job. I gave the presentation in Powerpoint. I felt very corporate about it.

There were no questions. The general consensus was that I overloaded them. Well, they asked for a detailed presentation and I gave it to them.

Thank goodness I went first. I was able to relax and really listen to the rest of the meeting.

I listened to every word.

The same cannot be said of the other participants.

As I listened, I watched people checking in and out.

Blank stares.

Cell phone checks.

Nodding when not appropriate.

And yawns.

I watched the various people giving reports try to entertain the group in vain. They made the mistake in using hand-outs. Therefore people flipped thru it and figured they knew its contents.

When a report got someone excited and discourse was about to ensue - the meeting leader tabled it so we could stay on schedule.

Bummer. It was just getting interesting.

that man of mine

So, he ordered the stockings. Yes, he did.

I love him.

stockings

The husband and I got into a heated discussion about Christmas stockings today.

He threw out (he's say I made him throw out) a stocking given to him by an ex-girlfriend. This was a couple years ago (we've been together for 13 years - so I think is was finally about fricking time). This coincided with my father sending us these some-what tasteful Martha Stewart (I know - don't judge) stockings and tree skirt.

Now we have a kid. My mom has made my niece and nephews stockings. Well, she's now re-married and busy - and this is Soph's third Christmas... so I don't think a stocking is coming.

So we decided to get some. I of course love my crack, I mean, the Pottery Barn catalog. God I am so bourgeois.

Anyway - we couldn't decide between reindeer, Christmas trees or just a solid color... and if we wanted to get them personalized...

Knowing us - we wont make any decisions but instead a year from now go - Oh we didn't buy stocking last year, did we? And we'll wait till the last minute to order something in time. And again, Martha will make her way to the fireplace and poor Soph will just have to settle for my old Snoopy stocking...

dentist

I went back to the dentist. Still doing good since the last time. I think that I really hate going. Why is that?

A friend last night told me that dentists have a high suicide rate - because people dread them... urban legend? Hmmm...

Talking about dentists made me remember a movie called The Secret Life of Dentists. Which is an interesting character study and more realistic portrayal of the husband-wife with kids dynamic. I really appreciated the inner struggle of the characters - it wasn't over the top, but subtle, the way people actually are. Things are never black and white - people have hard times articulating their feelings - and this film really embraces that.

todays thoughts

Today I am thinking about... in no particular order..
1. when in the heck are the delivery guys going to arrive with the kid's big girl bed
2. why i am constantly fatigued
3. if there is such a thing as a healthy candy bar
4. how to get the stench of urine out of my couch (thanks boy dog)
5. if my love/hate relationship with my job will hopefully start teetering more towards the love side.

whole wheat scone

I made scones today for the first time.

They were a bit wheat-y, but hit the spot.

I brought 3/4 of them into rehearsals - saving myself one for tomorrow morning and one for Sunday morning. They got devoured by my assistant and the stage manager. We all agree that they were a bit dry - so I think some yogurt or cream cheese or sour cream might help the recipe. I found this on line somewhere - and I added the raspberries -- the original called for dates.

Oven at 425

1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup all purpose flour
2 tablespoons of sugar (I just can't go the Splenda route - just can't do it)
2 1/2 teaspoons of Baking power
1 teaspoon of salt
1 stick of butter (yikes - I know --maybe try margarine next time)
2 eggs
1/2 cup of milk
1/2 bag frozen raspberries

mix dry ingredients. fork in the butter until the dry mixture gets crumbly.
mix the egg and milk and pour over the mixture. Stir it pretty good. Add the raspberries.
dust a cutting board with flour and kneed the mixture. IT will be freezing with the frozen raspberries..

make 8-9 balls and place on a greased cookie sheet.

Bake for 15 mintues...

dumb

I was talking to my stage manager today. I was bemoaning the meeting I have this week.

She said, "what do you have to do?"

I said, "Well after rehearsal today I have to meet with the artistic director - and that will go for at least 2 hours."

"But you can sleep in tomorrow, right?"

"oh no - I have a 10am meeting, then the fitting, then rehearsal, then a special event"

'Your life is so dumb!" she exclaimed.

I started laughing. Yep - she's right. Silly meetings keep cropping up when I should be focused on the show.

She started apologizing for the comment right away - as tears of laughter were streaking down my cheek. She meant it's dumb that I have all those meetings - it just came out wrong...

It's kinda fun to think about my work life as just silly, ridiculous and at the moment dumb.

food

My metabolism is not what in once was.

I gained a few pounds after the trip to Hawaii and eating like hell working on a show that stressed me out. Stress used to make me skinny - now it makes me chunky. ARG.

So, the husband and I went on the South Beach diet. I know, I know - but it does work.

The first Phase is a hellish two weeks - which ends in 26 hours -thank god! Then I can eat fruit again and grain!

I realize that yes, shedding a few pounds (10 is the goal and i'm half way there) is a good idea. But changing my eating habits is really the reason to stick to it.

There are 4 coffee shops within walking distance from my office. I am a sucker for scones and any other sugary pastry that happens to call to me thru the glass. I would rather grab a candy bar than a piece of fruit... and let's not even mention the french fries and pizza addictions.

Now I am making hummus and eating fresh veggies. I'm thinking about what fabulous food I can cook. I love to cook. I still want pizza - but I'm going to whole wheat crust it and make it at home. I switched to Vegetarian refied beans years ago.. I can eat chocolate - but now in moderation (instead of inhaling it).

A decent exercise regime is next on the docket.

Now if I could just fine a low carb, sugar free scone that tastes good - life will be complete. And if I cold find a light sour cream that was good...

And if you think I am dieting on Thanksgiving - think again.

the city

I had a rude awakening the other day.

Since re-locating to Northern California, I have had a yearning to be in The City. Childhood memories of riding the Muni and Bart into the heart of downtown came flooding back. Strolling the streets, seeing theatre, and just the general vibe of a downtown core are still vivid in my mind.

I always wanted a Victorian house. Then I discovered what the going rate for even the most run-down decrepit ones... and I promptly realized I'd be able to buy an estate with two vineyards for that price.

But cost of living wasn't my rude awakening. Well, partly, since I know the place I'd like to live is completely out of reach...

It was the wall to wall houses. I had forgot how they are all butted up against each other. It was a wet day - and everything seemed a bit miserable.

There was no green.

No trees.

No bushes, unless they were caked in urine.

I was depressed...

like mommy...

This is about feminine hygiene products. So don't read if the topic makes you squeamish.

I remember when I was a kid - seeing my mom use a GIANT Kotex (early 70s). I thought we were all supposed to do that - so around the age of 4, I started folding up toilet paper and putting it in my undies.

My mother saw me do it one day and asked we what I was up to. I said, I wanted to be like Mommy.

She then got out the big 'Mother's Encyclopedia" and talked to me about female anatomy. A conversation that would have to be repeated around age 8 when I could more fully grasp the concepts of a reproductive system.

Tonight, I was attempting to have some private bathroom time - when in walks my two year old. She sees me using a similar - but now ultra thin - product.

She sees the package it came it. And demands to have one.

Okay, I'm curious. So I hand it to her.

She opens it up. Hands me the wrapper. She peals off the sticky part.

I ask her what she is going to do with it.

She replys "want it on my butt"

She then pulls her little jeans down and places it on her diaper. She pulls her jeans up and trots out into the living room - happy as a camper.

I think she might be too young for the birds and the bees conversation.

Think I need to get a lock for the bathroom door.