copy cat

Saw some friends of Sarah had these cool images for there profile... and I had to copy.... it was fun..

back to work blues

After a glorious week in Kauai, I had to go back to work. ARG.

It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so fricking HOT. In Kauai it was perfect weather - hot, but with the ocean breeze to make you forget that you were frying.

So I just get my memories of my daughter delighting in the sand-bottomed pool and all the roosters running amok, my husband exhilarated after taking a helicopter trip over the island, and my full day at a spa (massage, facial and wrap - totally indulgent).

It was a fabulous vacation.

vacation

We're going on our first REAL vacation tomorrow. The last time we traveled without ANY work commitments or networking was nine years ago.

In Europe people are REQUIRED to take vacations.

What is wrong with us?

thoughts du jour

I love my husband.
I know I'm being mushy...
but he gets upset (and I mean really upset) when he feels I am not being treated well.
And that is.. well... sexy...

Had a job interview today - an interview I have talked to length about with my mother and sister. Mom called just to say she was back from her trip and to see how packing was going for our vacation to Hawaii -- not one word about the interview OR about the show I opened last week... whatever...

But one of my dearest friends called to see how it went and so did one of my mommy friends--- that gave me warm fuzzies.

faith in humanity

• Two weeks ago one of the moms in my group suffered a horrific tragedy - the death of her husband three weeks after the birth of her second child. My mommy group was there for her - and is still there for her - and I know will continually be there for her for as long as need be. There was no hesitation by anyone in the group to help.
  

• When we stopped at a corner and saw a homeless man, my 23 month old daughter said, "needs money". There was compassion in her tiny voice.

finished

I finished the book.

I'm now in withdrawl...

maybe I should start book one again...

Cosmos Mystique Apparati

Sarah had this meme on her blog and I thought I would give it a go..

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?
Sandra Boyton's Blue Hat, Green Hat doesn't have enough pages...
but the book sitting under it says " The prominate Janstelli Gallery presented Ziller's first one man show of Cosmos Mystique Apparati."

2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching?
My boy dog's destroyed tennis ball.

3. What’s the last program you watched on TV?
TiVoed verson of MONSTERS INC.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
12:45am

5. Aside from the computer, what can you hear right now?
The boy dog's nails on the wood floor.

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?
Spent 12 hours outside working on a show today.

7. What are you wearing?
Jeans, Ugg boots, an Art Nouveau-esque top I got in the bargain bin at Express.

8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?
Yes. Can't remember. But I am sure it was stressful. Wizards and wands and stuff - read the new Potter book before going to bed.

9. When was the last time you laughed?
About two hours ago - we started getting punchy at rehearsal..

10. What’s on the walls, in the room you’re in right now?
A Dali print

11. Have you seen anything strange lately?
I work in the arts - so strange is a relative term.

12. What do you think about this meme?
cool.

13. What’s the last film you saw?
Other than the Tivoed MONSTERS INC? I saw (TiVoed) DEVIL WEARS PRADA - bu thtat might not count because I fast forwarded some of it to get to the end quicker... the last movie I sat thru all the way without interuption was the DVD of PAN'S LABARYINTH.


14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?
Start a Foundation and spread the wealth.

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don’t know.
I really do like sci-fi/fantasy novels. Shhhh..


16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt, what would it be?
Global Warming

17. Do you like to dance?
yes

18. George Bush?
As my bummer sticker says "More Trees, less Bushes"

19. What do you want your children’s names to be, girl/boy?
Sophia/Jack

20. Would you ever consider living abroad?
yes. done it. love it.

21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven?
You did good.

22. Who should do this meme?
anyone who wants to... no pressure.

thin

Saw my mom and my sisters on Saturday.

Walked in the door and the first comment was: "you're so skinny"

I haven't bunged a pound in over a year.

My 16 year old niece said the same thing.

Either everyone thinks I was this HUGE beast all my life, or they just have an image of me being fat, or we're just conditioned to comment on each other's weight.

I looked at my brother-in-law - who gave me a quizzical look when I scowled at the comment.

"I just wish that ONCE weight would not be mentioned within the first 30 seconds of a greeting"

BTW: When I had my horrid bout of acid reflux last week - I called the doctor and she asked if I was overweight (ruling out heart issues - since acid relux feels like a heart attack -- longer story that I will get into later) - I said I'm 5'6" and weigh 135. "Oh you're totally fine then" was her comment.

procrastination

My least favorite word and yet a state I LOVE to be in.

It is my nemesis. As I sit here after getting my daughter to bed, with a deadline breathing down my neck, the word has popped into my head. Wouldn't I rather get the damn thing finished and then reward myself with the episode of Eureka I have TiVoed? Or get the sleep that I so desperately need...

I guess the answer is NO - because I am now writing on my blog and pondering if I should drink coffee...

I am in a hell of my own making.

And thank you American Heratige Dictionary for this lovely definition of the word:
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

"habitual carelessness or laziness" - ouch!

Going to work now.

banana bread

The first time - didn't cook it enough

The second time - good, but the boy dog ate it.

The third time - great, but the dog ate it. Think the boy dog got it down and the girl dog helped him finish - they were both guilty as hell when we got home.

The fourth time - perfect and I dropped it taking it out of the oven. Now it sits in two distinct pieces - hopefully out of countertop range of my boy's keen longs snout.

I think I need to just go back to making chocolate mousse.

reading update

Finally got chance to start Perfect Madness... so far so good - at least she admits she is only chatting with upper-middle class women... more when I'm done.

will be following that read with God is not Great... oh boy

but I will probably have to put those on hold because this woman's book is coming out. And yes, I pre-ordered mine. oh boy oh boy!

sleep update

Sunday night: 5 hours (not straight)
Monday night: 4 hours (not straight)
Tuesday night: 4 hours

naps: zero

I feel like I am in college again
and I don't like it

I am...

I am worried about the fever my daughter had all day yesterday.

I am working on a beautiful Shakespeare play that humbles me everyday as I learn more and more about it.

I am worried about the fever my daughter had all last night.

I am pondering why I constantly spell yesterday yesturday.

I am delighted that my daughter has her own dance to Dora's 'we did it" song.

I am hoping to be able to wean myself off of the caffeine (in the form of that glorious dark elixir called coffee) that I have become re-addicted to.

oh and

I am praying I dont go into existential angst this week.

But today I am...

You Are a Daisy

You see the world with an artist's eye. Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments. You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets. You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in.

What Flower Are You?

what flower am I?

You Are a Carnation

You are down to earth and grounded. You tend to be more traditional than trendy. Your confidence gets you through anything. People trust you and are very loyal to you.

What Flower Are You?

L'Apres-midi d'un Faune - The Paris Opera Ballet

Inspiration for a show I am working on.... enjoy!

Father's Day gifts

My Father's Day gifts to my husband

a happy toddler with a chocolate smile

a right boob bigger than the left

a dog with a new haircut

and three and a half hours alone with his daughter because I had to work on father's day

The Feminine Mistake

So, I have finally finished this book and I am, well, disappointed and yet exhilarated at the same time... how can this be? Before I get into the reasons for said disappointment, I need to say that the premise of the book is quite important and I completely understand and respect the value of such a treatise today.

The book talks about the dangers when women become financially dependent on their spouses by leaving the job pool to raise their children. I remember in high school, our next door neighbor left his wife for a younger woman. This wife had not worked in 15 years, had no job skills and was terrified. Yep - that is the fear. What do you do when your spouse leaves you or dies and you have no "current" or "marketable" skills, no money, etc. Or what happens if he loses his job? Our author quotes a lot of scary statistics - how hard it is for women to re-renter the work force after leaving even for a few years, how child support doesn't help cover costs; how ageist our society is about women; etc.

Although the author talks about interviews middle-class and lower-middle class families - the majority of her examples are upper class women with MBA from places like Princeton and Harvard who are married to successful lawyers, brokers, etc. This is where I have issue - and the main cause for my disappointment in this book. What about those of us in other professions? I am tired of the feminist movement targeting upper-class white women! I don't know anyone who isn't just scarping by - and I know professional women, waitresses, actors, doctors and teachers. And yes, I know a lot of women who have (in their late 30s/ early 40s) made the choice to stopped working to raise their children. Our author, a journalist, has the luxury (as do I - and it IS a luxury) of working from home and really creating her own hours. But a lot of women need to 9 to 5 it - so what of them? What of the families that need two incomes to just survive? I live in one of the most expensive places in the country - anywhere else we would have a five-bedroom home and all the latest amenities - and we're not wealthy AT ALL. We're comfortable - but I can't send my kid to a private school - or vacation at a lake house - like so may of the women sited in this book.

Back to the good of the book with some other interesting factoids: most women who give up their careers didn't really like them to begin with or were faced with a lot of stress/hostility perpetrated by their bosses and/or peers when they got pregnant; the way some men use the purse strings as a way of abusive control (we all saw the Joy Luck Club); women's ignorance about how hard it is to actually enter back in to the workplace after a absence of any length; empty nest syndrome; the depression that comes when the kids don't really "need" you hovering; the silence women feel they must keep when they LIKE their work and how women do not tout their own accomplishments because our society thinks women should be humble; success stories of women who did stay home but managed to keep a finger in the business world whether though volunteer work or other such things that made them still bankable upon their opting back in; the fact that we are living longer thus child-rearing is only a fraction of a woman's life span; how men with wives and families are viewed as "stable" employees but with women it is a liability.

It is in the latter chapters - if you don't get to frustrated with the sob stories of these wealthy ladies - that it gets interesting and accessible to all types of women. Statistic about working women and how they have less stress than stay-at-home Moms; the examples working/non-working sets for the children - if a mom can live off the father, why can't the kid?; statistics that children who go to day care are often brighter and more socially adept than children who do not and are just raised by stay-at-home moms; that working moms , on average, actually spend 2 hours MORE per week interacting with their children (in fact that statistic has increased for fathers too) than stay-at-home moms.

A chapter called Home Equity is about how women who work still do the majority of the housework. She sites examples that when men do help around the house it decreases stress for everyone. She discusses (I wish with more detail) the anger/frustration working women get when their partners do NOT help out. Another chapter talks about Men - how men want someone who is also the bread winner - someone who is an intellectual equal - and take the pressure off being the sole provider. But there are those men who want to have the wife dealing with the kids and household while they earn the $$$.

But perhaps the most frightening thing in this book is about how more and more women are getting Masters degrees, PHds, etc and then opting out and how this is effecting enrollment and admittence to major universities. If x% of the economics graduates are women - then why is x% of working economists women?. The idea of how women are conditioned to think about work as "jobs" and not "careers".

I admit that I just wanted something more from this book. I wanted to know HOW we can change the media coverage that makes women feel bad when they go back to work. This country has told women that if they have a baby-sitter they are bad moms; if they don't have food on the table waiting when everyone gets home from school that they have FAILED; if they don't keep a clean house, they're horrid. It's a load of bull that has been dished out. WHY? Is it the republican government and the Christian coalition that so permeated this country with old school 50s mentality of gender relationships. How can we change the working mom perception? Women are barraged with an enormous amount of guilt anyway - WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP IT.

I love my work. I love to do what I do. And I LOVE my daughter and I would die for her and do anything for her. Why can't I be both? This books says I can - thank you Leslie Bennetts! But, our culture gives me the evil eye. What can I do to stop people from asking me, "what are you going to do about the baby?" How can I stop my grandmother from saying she thinks its wrong that I'm at work? How can I stopped be judged for being a mother?

Leslie Bennets wrote this interesting article when her book came out - its worth a read.

I am reading Perfect Madness by Judith Warner next.

Women In Art

Thought this was beautiful... a friend sent me the link. Enjoy

Blue Light Special

Okay - yes I was in a KMART. I had to buy a bin to pack up some antiques to store in the garage. It's true. Plus, there is no Target within 20 miles - so... better KMART than Wallmart - am I wrong?

Anyway - so here I am, putting a bin in my "carriage" when over the loud speaker they announce the "blue light special". Of course I had to see what it was all about. I thought Blue Light Specials were urban legend. But, sure enough - a blue light flashes and a guy comes out to demo a product. It was this European Magic Shammy. But before they tell you what the "deal" is - you have to stand there for 20 minutes while the sales guys demos it and tells you want a fantastic deal "only you" will get for being a Kmart shopper. So the "deal" is really 2-for-1. And the product had a "as seen on TV" logo on it. Enough said.

Okay - not enough. As I walked away (without the product) over to the cheap kids clothes (hey - I'm a mom on a budget), I saw of the 20 or so folks gathered around that 75% of them bought the stuff. Of that 75%, I'd say 90% were over the age of 65 and female. Hmmm.

Did I tell you I'm reading a book called The Feminine Mistake? More on that after I finish it.