My least favorite word and yet a state I LOVE to be in.
It is my nemesis. As I sit here after getting my daughter to bed, with a deadline breathing down my neck, the word has popped into my head. Wouldn't I rather get the damn thing finished and then reward myself with the episode of Eureka I have TiVoed? Or get the sleep that I so desperately need...
I guess the answer is NO - because I am now writing on my blog and pondering if I should drink coffee...
I am in a hell of my own making.
And thank you American Heratige Dictionary for this lovely definition of the word:
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
"habitual carelessness or laziness" - ouch!
Going to work now.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
banana bread
The first time - didn't cook it enough
The second time - good, but the boy dog ate it.
The third time - great, but the dog ate it. Think the boy dog got it down and the girl dog helped him finish - they were both guilty as hell when we got home.
The fourth time - perfect and I dropped it taking it out of the oven. Now it sits in two distinct pieces - hopefully out of countertop range of my boy's keen longs snout.
I think I need to just go back to making chocolate mousse.
The second time - good, but the boy dog ate it.
The third time - great, but the dog ate it. Think the boy dog got it down and the girl dog helped him finish - they were both guilty as hell when we got home.
The fourth time - perfect and I dropped it taking it out of the oven. Now it sits in two distinct pieces - hopefully out of countertop range of my boy's keen longs snout.
I think I need to just go back to making chocolate mousse.
Friday, July 13, 2007
reading update
Finally got chance to start Perfect Madness... so far so good - at least she admits she is only chatting with upper-middle class women... more when I'm done.
will be following that read with God is not Great... oh boy
but I will probably have to put those on hold because this woman's book is coming out. And yes, I pre-ordered mine. oh boy oh boy!
will be following that read with God is not Great... oh boy
but I will probably have to put those on hold because this woman's book is coming out. And yes, I pre-ordered mine. oh boy oh boy!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
sleep update
Sunday night: 5 hours (not straight)
Monday night: 4 hours (not straight)
Tuesday night: 4 hours
naps: zero
I feel like I am in college again
and I don't like it
Monday night: 4 hours (not straight)
Tuesday night: 4 hours
naps: zero
I feel like I am in college again
and I don't like it
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I am...
I am worried about the fever my daughter had all day yesterday.
I am working on a beautiful Shakespeare play that humbles me everyday as I learn more and more about it.
I am worried about the fever my daughter had all last night.
I am pondering why I constantly spell yesterday yesturday.
I am delighted that my daughter has her own dance to Dora's 'we did it" song.
I am hoping to be able to wean myself off of the caffeine (in the form of that glorious dark elixir called coffee) that I have become re-addicted to.
oh and
I am praying I dont go into existential angst this week.
I am working on a beautiful Shakespeare play that humbles me everyday as I learn more and more about it.
I am worried about the fever my daughter had all last night.
I am pondering why I constantly spell yesterday yesturday.
I am delighted that my daughter has her own dance to Dora's 'we did it" song.
I am hoping to be able to wean myself off of the caffeine (in the form of that glorious dark elixir called coffee) that I have become re-addicted to.
oh and
I am praying I dont go into existential angst this week.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
But today I am...
| You Are a Daisy |
 You see the world with an artist's eye. Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments. You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets. You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in. |
Monday, June 25, 2007
what flower am I?
| You Are a Carnation |
 You are down to earth and grounded. You tend to be more traditional than trendy. Your confidence gets you through anything. People trust you and are very loyal to you. |
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Father's Day gifts
My Father's Day gifts to my husband
a happy toddler with a chocolate smile
a right boob bigger than the left
a dog with a new haircut
and three and a half hours alone with his daughter because I had to work on father's day
a happy toddler with a chocolate smile
a right boob bigger than the left
a dog with a new haircut
and three and a half hours alone with his daughter because I had to work on father's day
Sunday, June 10, 2007
The Feminine Mistake
So, I have finally finished this book and I am, well, disappointed and yet exhilarated at the same time... how can this be? Before I get into the reasons for said disappointment, I need to say that the premise of the book is quite important and I completely understand and respect the value of such a treatise today.
The book talks about the dangers when women become financially dependent on their spouses by leaving the job pool to raise their children. I remember in high school, our next door neighbor left his wife for a younger woman. This wife had not worked in 15 years, had no job skills and was terrified. Yep - that is the fear. What do you do when your spouse leaves you or dies and you have no "current" or "marketable" skills, no money, etc. Or what happens if he loses his job? Our author quotes a lot of scary statistics - how hard it is for women to re-renter the work force after leaving even for a few years, how child support doesn't help cover costs; how ageist our society is about women; etc.
Although the author talks about interviews middle-class and lower-middle class families - the majority of her examples are upper class women with MBA from places like Princeton and Harvard who are married to successful lawyers, brokers, etc. This is where I have issue - and the main cause for my disappointment in this book. What about those of us in other professions? I am tired of the feminist movement targeting upper-class white women! I don't know anyone who isn't just scarping by - and I know professional women, waitresses, actors, doctors and teachers. And yes, I know a lot of women who have (in their late 30s/ early 40s) made the choice to stopped working to raise their children. Our author, a journalist, has the luxury (as do I - and it IS a luxury) of working from home and really creating her own hours. But a lot of women need to 9 to 5 it - so what of them? What of the families that need two incomes to just survive? I live in one of the most expensive places in the country - anywhere else we would have a five-bedroom home and all the latest amenities - and we're not wealthy AT ALL. We're comfortable - but I can't send my kid to a private school - or vacation at a lake house - like so may of the women sited in this book.
Back to the good of the book with some other interesting factoids: most women who give up their careers didn't really like them to begin with or were faced with a lot of stress/hostility perpetrated by their bosses and/or peers when they got pregnant; the way some men use the purse strings as a way of abusive control (we all saw the Joy Luck Club); women's ignorance about how hard it is to actually enter back in to the workplace after a absence of any length; empty nest syndrome; the depression that comes when the kids don't really "need" you hovering; the silence women feel they must keep when they LIKE their work and how women do not tout their own accomplishments because our society thinks women should be humble; success stories of women who did stay home but managed to keep a finger in the business world whether though volunteer work or other such things that made them still bankable upon their opting back in; the fact that we are living longer thus child-rearing is only a fraction of a woman's life span; how men with wives and families are viewed as "stable" employees but with women it is a liability.
It is in the latter chapters - if you don't get to frustrated with the sob stories of these wealthy ladies - that it gets interesting and accessible to all types of women. Statistic about working women and how they have less stress than stay-at-home Moms; the examples working/non-working sets for the children - if a mom can live off the father, why can't the kid?; statistics that children who go to day care are often brighter and more socially adept than children who do not and are just raised by stay-at-home moms; that working moms , on average, actually spend 2 hours MORE per week interacting with their children (in fact that statistic has increased for fathers too) than stay-at-home moms.
A chapter called Home Equity is about how women who work still do the majority of the housework. She sites examples that when men do help around the house it decreases stress for everyone. She discusses (I wish with more detail) the anger/frustration working women get when their partners do NOT help out. Another chapter talks about Men - how men want someone who is also the bread winner - someone who is an intellectual equal - and take the pressure off being the sole provider. But there are those men who want to have the wife dealing with the kids and household while they earn the $$$.
But perhaps the most frightening thing in this book is about how more and more women are getting Masters degrees, PHds, etc and then opting out and how this is effecting enrollment and admittence to major universities. If x% of the economics graduates are women - then why is x% of working economists women?. The idea of how women are conditioned to think about work as "jobs" and not "careers".
I admit that I just wanted something more from this book. I wanted to know HOW we can change the media coverage that makes women feel bad when they go back to work. This country has told women that if they have a baby-sitter they are bad moms; if they don't have food on the table waiting when everyone gets home from school that they have FAILED; if they don't keep a clean house, they're horrid. It's a load of bull that has been dished out. WHY? Is it the republican government and the Christian coalition that so permeated this country with old school 50s mentality of gender relationships. How can we change the working mom perception? Women are barraged with an enormous amount of guilt anyway - WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP IT.
I love my work. I love to do what I do. And I LOVE my daughter and I would die for her and do anything for her. Why can't I be both? This books says I can - thank you Leslie Bennetts! But, our culture gives me the evil eye. What can I do to stop people from asking me, "what are you going to do about the baby?" How can I stop my grandmother from saying she thinks its wrong that I'm at work? How can I stopped be judged for being a mother?
Leslie Bennets wrote this interesting article when her book came out - its worth a read.
I am reading Perfect Madness by Judith Warner next.
The book talks about the dangers when women become financially dependent on their spouses by leaving the job pool to raise their children. I remember in high school, our next door neighbor left his wife for a younger woman. This wife had not worked in 15 years, had no job skills and was terrified. Yep - that is the fear. What do you do when your spouse leaves you or dies and you have no "current" or "marketable" skills, no money, etc. Or what happens if he loses his job? Our author quotes a lot of scary statistics - how hard it is for women to re-renter the work force after leaving even for a few years, how child support doesn't help cover costs; how ageist our society is about women; etc.
Although the author talks about interviews middle-class and lower-middle class families - the majority of her examples are upper class women with MBA from places like Princeton and Harvard who are married to successful lawyers, brokers, etc. This is where I have issue - and the main cause for my disappointment in this book. What about those of us in other professions? I am tired of the feminist movement targeting upper-class white women! I don't know anyone who isn't just scarping by - and I know professional women, waitresses, actors, doctors and teachers. And yes, I know a lot of women who have (in their late 30s/ early 40s) made the choice to stopped working to raise their children. Our author, a journalist, has the luxury (as do I - and it IS a luxury) of working from home and really creating her own hours. But a lot of women need to 9 to 5 it - so what of them? What of the families that need two incomes to just survive? I live in one of the most expensive places in the country - anywhere else we would have a five-bedroom home and all the latest amenities - and we're not wealthy AT ALL. We're comfortable - but I can't send my kid to a private school - or vacation at a lake house - like so may of the women sited in this book.
Back to the good of the book with some other interesting factoids: most women who give up their careers didn't really like them to begin with or were faced with a lot of stress/hostility perpetrated by their bosses and/or peers when they got pregnant; the way some men use the purse strings as a way of abusive control (we all saw the Joy Luck Club); women's ignorance about how hard it is to actually enter back in to the workplace after a absence of any length; empty nest syndrome; the depression that comes when the kids don't really "need" you hovering; the silence women feel they must keep when they LIKE their work and how women do not tout their own accomplishments because our society thinks women should be humble; success stories of women who did stay home but managed to keep a finger in the business world whether though volunteer work or other such things that made them still bankable upon their opting back in; the fact that we are living longer thus child-rearing is only a fraction of a woman's life span; how men with wives and families are viewed as "stable" employees but with women it is a liability.
It is in the latter chapters - if you don't get to frustrated with the sob stories of these wealthy ladies - that it gets interesting and accessible to all types of women. Statistic about working women and how they have less stress than stay-at-home Moms; the examples working/non-working sets for the children - if a mom can live off the father, why can't the kid?; statistics that children who go to day care are often brighter and more socially adept than children who do not and are just raised by stay-at-home moms; that working moms , on average, actually spend 2 hours MORE per week interacting with their children (in fact that statistic has increased for fathers too) than stay-at-home moms.
A chapter called Home Equity is about how women who work still do the majority of the housework. She sites examples that when men do help around the house it decreases stress for everyone. She discusses (I wish with more detail) the anger/frustration working women get when their partners do NOT help out. Another chapter talks about Men - how men want someone who is also the bread winner - someone who is an intellectual equal - and take the pressure off being the sole provider. But there are those men who want to have the wife dealing with the kids and household while they earn the $$$.
But perhaps the most frightening thing in this book is about how more and more women are getting Masters degrees, PHds, etc and then opting out and how this is effecting enrollment and admittence to major universities. If x% of the economics graduates are women - then why is x% of working economists women?. The idea of how women are conditioned to think about work as "jobs" and not "careers".
I admit that I just wanted something more from this book. I wanted to know HOW we can change the media coverage that makes women feel bad when they go back to work. This country has told women that if they have a baby-sitter they are bad moms; if they don't have food on the table waiting when everyone gets home from school that they have FAILED; if they don't keep a clean house, they're horrid. It's a load of bull that has been dished out. WHY? Is it the republican government and the Christian coalition that so permeated this country with old school 50s mentality of gender relationships. How can we change the working mom perception? Women are barraged with an enormous amount of guilt anyway - WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP IT.
I love my work. I love to do what I do. And I LOVE my daughter and I would die for her and do anything for her. Why can't I be both? This books says I can - thank you Leslie Bennetts! But, our culture gives me the evil eye. What can I do to stop people from asking me, "what are you going to do about the baby?" How can I stop my grandmother from saying she thinks its wrong that I'm at work? How can I stopped be judged for being a mother?
Leslie Bennets wrote this interesting article when her book came out - its worth a read.
I am reading Perfect Madness by Judith Warner next.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Blue Light Special
Okay - yes I was in a KMART. I had to buy a bin to pack up some antiques to store in the garage. It's true. Plus, there is no Target within 20 miles - so... better KMART than Wallmart - am I wrong?
Anyway - so here I am, putting a bin in my "carriage" when over the loud speaker they announce the "blue light special". Of course I had to see what it was all about. I thought Blue Light Specials were urban legend. But, sure enough - a blue light flashes and a guy comes out to demo a product. It was this European Magic Shammy. But before they tell you what the "deal" is - you have to stand there for 20 minutes while the sales guys demos it and tells you want a fantastic deal "only you" will get for being a Kmart shopper. So the "deal" is really 2-for-1. And the product had a "as seen on TV" logo on it. Enough said.
Okay - not enough. As I walked away (without the product) over to the cheap kids clothes (hey - I'm a mom on a budget), I saw of the 20 or so folks gathered around that 75% of them bought the stuff. Of that 75%, I'd say 90% were over the age of 65 and female. Hmmm.
Did I tell you I'm reading a book called The Feminine Mistake? More on that after I finish it.
Anyway - so here I am, putting a bin in my "carriage" when over the loud speaker they announce the "blue light special". Of course I had to see what it was all about. I thought Blue Light Specials were urban legend. But, sure enough - a blue light flashes and a guy comes out to demo a product. It was this European Magic Shammy. But before they tell you what the "deal" is - you have to stand there for 20 minutes while the sales guys demos it and tells you want a fantastic deal "only you" will get for being a Kmart shopper. So the "deal" is really 2-for-1. And the product had a "as seen on TV" logo on it. Enough said.
Okay - not enough. As I walked away (without the product) over to the cheap kids clothes (hey - I'm a mom on a budget), I saw of the 20 or so folks gathered around that 75% of them bought the stuff. Of that 75%, I'd say 90% were over the age of 65 and female. Hmmm.
Did I tell you I'm reading a book called The Feminine Mistake? More on that after I finish it.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
work or mom
Having one of those - should I work or stay at home with my baby - kinda days. I just started working on a new play. My hours are long - because I have a 45minute to an hour commute one way. I just got an offer for another gig in January. And I may be doing something in November. I don't quite know how to feel.
I rocked my daughter to sleep tonight and it was the happiest I have been all day.
I rocked my daughter to sleep tonight and it was the happiest I have been all day.
work or mom
Having one of those - should I work or stay at home with my baby - kinda days. I just started working on a new play. My hours are long - because I have a 45minute to an hour commute one way. I just got an offer for another gig in January. And I may be doing something in November. I don't quite know how to feel.
I rocked my daughter to sleep tonight and it was the happiest I have been all day.
I rocked my daughter to sleep tonight and it was the happiest I have been all day.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
not preggers
Ahh - well we tried this month. I had a horrible dream last night, woke up and discovered there was not to be a baby in nine months. I'm sad. But, I was super stressed this last month - so I am not surprised. But looking forward to another month of trying... hmm... what fun we will have.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
vow to blog more
Can I commit to blogging more regularly? Hmmm... Fun ideas to write about hit me while I drive and then promptly leave my consciousness by the time I get to the lap-top. Perhaps I don't want to share... is that so wrong?
Today Soph ran around in some Dora the Explorer Pjs that some friends gave us (hand-me-down from her kids) and she quickly found a pair of Dora shorts (from of my mother) and put them on over her Pjs. BTW: she had on long Pj bottoms and Dora PJ shorts over those BEFORE putting on the regular Dora shorts... If only I could have found my camera. She loves that Dora.
Today Soph ran around in some Dora the Explorer Pjs that some friends gave us (hand-me-down from her kids) and she quickly found a pair of Dora shorts (from of my mother) and put them on over her Pjs. BTW: she had on long Pj bottoms and Dora PJ shorts over those BEFORE putting on the regular Dora shorts... If only I could have found my camera. She loves that Dora.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
memories
One of Soph's new favorite words is WHALE. So, I put in a video that had whales and other ocean creatures. Well, they showed a seal. And suddenly I remembered this momma seal and baby seal stuffed animal that I had as a kid. The baby was white and the momma was grey. I loved them and with Bernard (who I still have), I took them everywhere. Wow, I wonder what happened to them.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
my heart hurts
Yep, it does. My baby and my husband are 450 miles away and I miss them. I get to see them tomorrow and I know then I will be 100% better.
Friday, February 02, 2007
food
So, you don't have to be a REAL chef to get a show on the Food Network. Hmmm. That seems odd, huh?
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