if I didn't have a computer

So I called this investment company today to create an IRA (finally) and roll over some $$ I had sitting in an account.

It was easy to do - becuase I had a computer. The fella on the phone said, "okay. Let's log in to your account and I'll walk you thru it."

I laughed and said, "I fine it interesting that you assume I am sitting at a computer and that I have multiple lines in my home that allow me to talk to you and use the internet,"

He laughed.

But there was no hesitation on his part - didn't ask if I was near a computer. So basically I did the whole thing myself.

But what if I didn't have a computer? Or if I was doing an experiment, like my friend, who is living without Internet for a year?

A stranger

Today was my daughters ballet class. Earlier this year we started a routine of getting a "treat" prior to class. There are 90 minutes between her pre-school pick up times and the start of ballet. It's not enough time to go home, so we go out - usually for frozen yogurt. But today I wanted to see if this certain store had bookcases. I knew there was a starbucks nearby - so starbucks it was.

The kid got some over-priced fruit and an over-priced over-sugared cupcake. They were playing some fun music and my girl started showing off her moves - including some ballet. This incredibly attractive woman sitting near us overheard me telling Sophia to practice her arabesques and asks me if she was taking ballet. I said yes. We got to talking.

ThIs woman is 65. She was a trained ballerina in Canada. She joined a company in Washington D.C. Got married and stayed. She taught Disco in San Francisco. She now has two grandchildren and enjoys them. She seemed incredibly content with her life. She's now retired.

She was in the coffee shop to read her book (the one about Tolstoy).

She really left an impression. Her zen-like ease and pleasing countenance had a calming influence on me. It made me remember to breathe and enjoy the moments. Perhaps at 65, I too can just chill with a good book and not feel guilty I am not doing something more productive.

Forgive any typos - I am blogging ony iPhone while the kid falls asleep

e-mail strangeness

I want to begin by stating that I do send "informal" e-mails to friends and family. Let me explain my definition of "informal" -- perhaps an example is best:

Hey - wanna grab coffee today. Lemme know

or

did the package arrive?

I do start group e-mails to my friends with a 'Hi all" - just so they know it is to MANY people (god forbid people reply all and say something horrible by accident).

I try very hard to follow this example (except with the husband):

Dear (or some kind of greeting) Name,

Content content Content

All the best,
my name


BUT - I always thought a formal e-mail should be written like a letter. A formal e-mail is one to someone you have never met, a boss, a potential business contact or a professional acquaintance. It is the e-mail you send to a business.. etc

I have been inundated by e-mail from students who want to Crash my class. many of them cannot be bothered to address the e-mail to me.
Just a 'Hey I want to take your class but it's full. Can you give me a permission code."
No salutation or greeting and in some cases not even a closing or signature.
Just an order.

They were able to track down my e-mail, they couldn't address the letter to me?

And these are people who WANT something from me. And most of these are college SENIORS who will be graduating in just a few short months. Can you imagine if they send an e-mail like that to a potential employer?

When did we loose civility? Are we not teaching etiquette anymore?

But since this is world where some people think it is appropriate to mention their vaginal cyst in their Facebook status (really this happened) - I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Beautiful stranger

My daughter has very eccletic taste when it comes to music. My husand made her a "mash up" CD that we both keep in our cars. Madonna's Beautiful Stranger is on the CD. She knows all the words and sings it loudly. She also has songs from the curious George and Hairspray soundtracks. She also knows which other CDs we each have in our respective car. Bowie and Cheryl Crowe in mine and Bare Naked Ladies in her dads. She sometimes asks for songs by name. It's pretty damn cute.

I find that when I listen to songs of my youth (70s/80s) I am so flabbergasted by what they mean. I was a big Duran Duran fan (seriously what girl wasn't?) back in the day and I was oblivious to all the sexual innuendo in the songs. Blondie'a lyrics and The Police too surpirse me... I realized that I had no clue what the songs I sang by heart were really about.

And that is okay.

I laughed out loud when the kid wanted to hear "mother" on the Synchronisity album the other day.

stranger in my own city

I am freaking out about kindergarten. The kid goes this fall and I just don't know what to do. Where should she go?

I realized that I have allowed myself to remain a stranger in this city/county I live in.

I have never really bothered to memorize street names. Of course, I know fun spots and how to get places. I know where to find things I need.

But at times I feel I don't know anything about this place I call home.

In chatting with my dear friend today about the kindergarten dilemma, I said, "I guess I never thought we would still be living here at this point." That just came out. My city girl prejudices are sitting right there at the forefront of my mind causing me to think that this small town school that my kid will go to isn't good enough for her.

Have I ever been to the school? Nope. I need to get over myself. It's got a great ranking and people I respect seem to love it.

I have been holding on (or carrying) this notion of - I don't know what.

I feel a bit displaced. Maybe it was the trip to SD that got me a little discombobulated... hmmm

Stranger in a familiar land

A great many things have happened in the last two months.

I have a never ending fascination with nature vs. nurture and how environment shapes the individual. For five weeks I was in SD. I had lived in SD for over a decade (with a mini-stint in LA that we hardly ever discuss). We moved away from there 5 1/2 years ago (it took a good year to finally leave). But now I was back to do some work.

I have lots of friends and business associates there. People I adore. And its not like this was my first time back. I have done five other gigs there of similar lengths of time.

But this time was different. I made an interesting discovery about myself. I have been heavily influenced by my current environment. Since moving to my little mountain/beach community I have:
1. grown much more environmentally aware
2. really looked at the role of media as it impacts my life and that of my child.
3. become increasingly concerned about the food we eat


Now is it the environment or the people that I am hanging our with? The group of women here that I call my friends are not in the same business as I am. Our original commonality was the fact that we all had kids the same age - but in many cases our friendships have grown beyond that and the fact that our kids can play together is now a bonus and not the reason to hang out.

But what happened in SD?
The new folks I was working with were all under 30 and childless -- and their feeling about the environment and the world are very different.
My friends (most of whom have kids) lead a very different lifestyle - from showing PG rated movies to 2 year olds and eating food that list chemicals as the first ingredient.
No one could tell me where I could find a farmers market.

I am not judging- I've let my kid see non-age appropriate stuff (the simpsons) and fed her enriched hot dog buns . But I wondered if I would be doing the same thing if I had stayed there?

I laugh that I vowed to never get "crunchy" - and yet here I am - composting, taking my own cup into coffee houses as to not use a paper one.

My trip was at times incredibly familiar and at other times completely disorientating.

I missed SD a lot, which did surprised me. I missed the landscape, the accessibility of "things" and mostly, my friends.

Age

I am working on a new show. It is a "coming of age" play. So the cast is relatively younger than I - one by 20 years - but on average about 11 years younger. There is, however, a "mom" character and she is a few years older than me. And yes - we tend to gravitate to each other.

It is interesting how many times age has come up as a topic. I have been particularly sensitive to it and I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out why.

1. I started using wrinkle cream becuase I see the lines around my mouth and I look like my great-grandmother.

2. I am at a crazy point in my career where I could make a 360/180 or 90 degree turn.

3. I am 3 years from 40 and freaking out.

4. I guess I do have a career, but I still feel like I have been invited to the party and it will end up being a practical joke.

5. I get tired faster.

6. The 20somethings in my cast don't get a lot of my literary or pop-culture references.

7. I am still living pay-check to pay-check.

8. i don't know what I want to be when I grow up... and I think I need to decide quick

and the list goes on...

travel

I was in my car for a good 9 hours yesterday as I drove down the California coast in the middle of a major storm. Driving in the rain, hydroplaning and almost getting rear-ended by a giant truck puts a lot of things in perspective.

First of all, why in the frickin hell did I agree to do this show? Why did I agree to leave my home for five weeks? What am I trying to prove?

I must say that the play I am working on is lovely - everyone is lovely.

I am just 500 miles from home. I have to uproot my child for three weeks and bring her here with me. The husband has to be overly stressed becuase he has to single dad it for two weeks (one on either end of the five).

So the question is: is all this worth it? Is the traveling, free-lancing thing going to be what I do or do I just need to make sure I only work locally? Do I need to change my vocation? Next year when the kid is in kindergarten it is going to be harder to just pull her out to come with me to do a gig. I miss her terribly and I have only been gone for 32 hours.

The last time I did this it was easier. I was paid more so I was able to hire a Nanny the whole time. Perhaps I just need to set my price tag a bit higher so that I can afford to have some of the things I need and not rely (really impose) on the kindness of family and friends to help me thru it.

I should just break even doing this show. So financially it is not really worth it. But, the question is - did I say "yes" becuase I am terrified of not getting asked again? Or did I say "yes" becuase I really want to do the show (which is lovely but does not alter the way theatre is done.) or becuase I am just a masochist.

On the bright side, I am back in my old haunts and will get to see a lot of friends. But, isn't that what vacations are for?

2009 recap part II

I forgot to put a little "*" next to the books I loved... so check it out again. In some cases I was quite surprised.

And a notes about the movies - I think it is interesting in what format I see the films. If it is a DVD or Blueray that means it was in the Netflix Queue. If it says HBO/or Cable - I watched it on TV (and in some cases not letterboxed). I am utterly fascinated as to what I spent $$$ on - aka seeing it in the theatre...

taking ones own advise

I am doing an exercise that I assign my students on the first day of class. It is a list of 28 questions. I got the list from one of my favorite artists when I trained with her company. I haven't done the list myself in about 5 years and I gotta tell ya, it is frickin hard. The point is to open yourself up to the what is important to you NOW in this moment in time. They are silly questions but quite illuminating. I am stuck on many of them. I thought it would take me a half hour - but it is now up to 90 minutes to answer the questions...
hopefully this will focus me...

too many ideas swirling about...

Resolutions

This year I only have FIVE:

1. Decrease my impact on the environment
2. Write
3. Plant a garden (which is part of the backyard project that will probably take a decade to finish).
4. Exercise daily.
5. More quality time with the kid and husband.

2009 Recap

Yet again I kept track of all the books I read and all the movies I saw.
I did not track Theatre or TV, perhaps this year I will add those things...
Please note: I started teaching a class on Disney in 2009.

Books 2009
Picasso: Creator and Destroyer by arianna huffington
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - Vol. I & II by Alan Moore & Kevin O'Neill
Horse Heaven* by Jane Smiley
When You are Engulfed By Flames by David Sedaris
Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
Moby Dick* by Herman Melville
Watchmen* by Alan Moore
Team Rodent by Carl Hiassin
Foucault's Pendulum* by Umberto Eco
Disney Version by Richard Schickel
The Illusion of Life by Frank Thomas and Ollie Johnston
Before the Animation Begins by John Canemaker
Disney Discourse by Eric Smoodin
The Magic Kingdom by Steven Watts
The Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
Snow* by Orhan Pamuk
Negotiating with the Dead* by Margaret Atwood
The Disneyization of Society by Alan Bryman
Good girls and wicked witches by Amy Davis
From Mouse to Mermaid Edited by Elizabeth Bell
The Mouse that Roared by Henry A. Giroux
Inkheart by Cornelia Funke
An Actor Prepares by Constantin Stanislavski
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz* by L. Frank Baum
The Iliad* by Homer Robert Fagles translation
Wesley the Owl: The Remarkable Love Story of an Owl and His Girl by Stacey O'Brien
Three steps on the Ladder of Writing* by Helen Cixous
The Four Quartets by TS Eliot
Little Women* by Louisa May Alcott
When Nietzsche Wept* by Irvin Yalom
Laying Ghosts to Rest: Dilemmas of the Transformation in South Africa by Mamphela Ramphele
And Then, You Act* by Anne Bogart
No Impact Man: The Adventures of a Guilty Liberal Who Attempts to Aave the Planet and the Discoveries He Makes About Himself and Our Way of Life in the Process by Colin Beavan
Walden* by Henry David Thoreau
The Girl with the Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier

Movies 2009 (lists films I saw for the first time this year)
Rosemary's Baby* (HBO)
Cyrano* (great performances PBS)
Broadback Mountain (DVD)
27 dresses (HBO)
Love in the time of Cholera* (DVD)
The Dark Knight Rerurns (DVD)
Pinocchio* (DVD)
Enchanted (DVD)
Hercules (Disney version VHS)
Little Mermaid II: Return to the sea (DVD)
High School Musical (DVD)
Bottle Shock (DVD)
The Elephant Man (Cable)
Appaloosa (blueray)
Star Trek* (theatre - the new one)
Religilois (DVD)
Milk* (Blueray)
Taking Chance (HBO)
The Reader* (blueray)
Spirited away* (DVD)
Up* (theatre)
Underworld II (DVD)
GhostTown (DVD)
Underworld: rise of the lycans (blueray)
Synecdoche New York* (DVD)
Lion King 1 1/2 (DVD)
Onmioji (DVD)
Revolutionary Road (blueray)
The Visitor (DVD)
Mamma Mia (HBO)
Perfume, the Story of a Murderer* (DVD)
Watchman (Blueray) --- I did read the graphic novel prior to seeing the movie
Princess Mononoke * (DVD)
Coraline *(Blueray)
Angles and Demons (DVD)
Tropic Thunder (HBO)
The Wrestler* (Blueray)
Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure (DVD)
In My Country (DVD)
Amandla! A revolution in four part harmony (DVD)
Slum dog Milionaire* (HBO)
21up South Africa (DVD)
The Kite Runner (HBO)
Repo! The Genetic Opera (Blueray)
The Princess and the Frog (theatre)
Little Mermaid III: Ariel's beginning (TV - Disney Channel of course)
Cinderella II (DVD)
Wild strawberries* (DVD)
Avatar* (in the theatre! In 3D)

thanks part 2

Just becuase thanksgiving is over, doesn't mean we can't still give thanks...

today I am most thankful for kindness. It is a knowing glace from a friend who knows the hell you've been through. It's the morsel of chocolate handed to you without any words. It is holding the door open.

I am also thankful for my husband. I gave a presentation to a group of graduating college seniors. One woman asked me how I balanced career and family. I said it was hard and talked about all the career issues I have dealt with since become a mom. But then I said, "Without a solid committed partner, I could not do what I do."
Love that man of mine.

thanks

I have an amazing family. Wonderful and loyal friends. Two dogs that would do anything for us.

But I am also thankful for:

orange seeds

the space heater in my office

the down comforter that my husband had before I met him that keeps us beyond cozy on cold nights

green beans (because after 35 years I actually like them and the kid will eat them too)

the bedtime ritual for the kid

the mountain hikes I am minutes away from

resolution check in

Here were my new years resolutions. How have I been doing... hmmmm....


Finish the two big writing projects that I have on my desk. One got done, still working on the other - one and 1/2 months to go.

Eat better, feed the family better food. This is going well. Better choices. expanding the repertoire.

make a fantastic cake. I conquered butter cream frosting, fondant, but not the actual cake - but I baked bread!

exercise (of course...) hahahahahahah okay I am walking more

walk the dogs more doing better here

Take a vacation with the husband and the kid this did happen, but husband had to work a lot and I worked too. we suck. maybe the holidays will be better.

have at least one DATE a month with the husband - that does NOT involve an opening night or theatre or work FAIL

Spend more time with Friends doing better here

Use the telescope with the kid once. but now that it is dark at 5...

the backyard (nothing more needs to be said) - 1/2 done.

the kitchen (paint those cabinets and the walls) - guess what is going on the list for next year!

be better about money and really get a handle on the cash flow - out of credit card debt!

No more new TV Shows TiVoed!!!!! Big fail. Got addicted to a couple new things...damn the magic box

Less TV... less TV... less TV... more books - think the reading list will be better this year

the voice from above

Call from agent.

"What plays are you writing?"

I describe them.

"The 5 women one - comedy?"

Yes, but quirky, my reply.

"Send it to me ASAP. You're on my mind. I want to get you produced. ______ is looking for comedies."

Thanksgiving okay?

"Get it done."

Yes, ma'am.


Guess I know what I'm working on. Love those subtle kicks in the tuckus.

Juices

Hey there creative juices - where in the hell have you been the last 9 months? I loose my job in Feb... and have been waiting for you to arrive... I have done everything to get you to come play with me. And NOW you pay me a visit. I'm so pleased and honored to have you all here with me - but did all of you have to come at once?

I don't know which one of you to pay attention to first. I know I can't give you all the one-on-one time you deserve right now.

But, I promise that I will work with each of you - but ya gotta be patient.

One at a time kids.

Now, get in an orderly line in my brain and help me elect who goes first.

writing

A friend of mine is giving up the internet for a year.

I know.

Think about the implications of that.

But, then in dawned on me. 15 years ago, I lived in a different country with no computer and no cell phone. I had a scheduled time when I would go to a pay phone, call my parents collect, they would refuse the charges and then they would call me back. Depending on the name I used, they knew which public phone to call me back on. I would chat with them for about 20 minutes and that was it.

I became an avid letter writer. My mom, my friends, my grandparents, would all receive letters. One of my dearest friends would write to me every day, but only mail once a week. I did the same with her. The weekly deliciously large envelops were thrilling to receive. Like a Jane Austin heroine, I would take my mail, run to my room, lock the door and devour the read. We both used these yellow tablets that would fit beautifully (without having to fold) into a 6X9 envelop.

I had a ritual of sitting at my desk every night to compose a letter. I carried a notepad in my bag to record any silly thing that would happen during the day.

I still have all the letters my friend wrote me. My grandmother saved all the letters I sent her.

I kept a journal too. Since I didn't have a computer, it was hand written on school purchased notepads. I wrote incredibly small to save paper (I knew I would end up bringing these home with me).

I don't remember longing for more information. I don't remember ever feeling out of touch with anyone.

Now I spend so much time reading the "news feed" on facebook or playing inane games. It's a huge time suck.

picture

When I got home yesterday after thinking about family and I got a letter.
Grandma sent me a picture of her bald head. The chemotherapy has made her loose it. So I called her. She actually sounds great. HAs no appetite. So I told her, like a good granddaughter should, pot will cure that - it gives ya the munchies. She just laughed.
My uncle is there with her (and my grandpa) and he shaved his head too! Nice.

Family

I had a conversation with one of the maintenance guys today. He tends to check on our building when I have office hours.
We talked about Halloween and kids. He has a 4 month old grandson which he gets to watch 3-4 times a week. His face lit up when he talked about the time with the child.

I wish my family was closer.

The relationship I have with my grandparents is amazing. I want my daughter to have the same... but there is a minimum 2 hour drive to see any of them (and that's my sisters). My mom - in another state. Husbands parents - 4 hours away.

That family network would be nice...