When I got home yesterday after thinking about family and I got a letter.
Grandma sent me a picture of her bald head. The chemotherapy has made her loose it. So I called her. She actually sounds great. HAs no appetite. So I told her, like a good granddaughter should, pot will cure that - it gives ya the munchies. She just laughed.
My uncle is there with her (and my grandpa) and he shaved his head too! Nice.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Family
I had a conversation with one of the maintenance guys today. He tends to check on our building when I have office hours.
We talked about Halloween and kids. He has a 4 month old grandson which he gets to watch 3-4 times a week. His face lit up when he talked about the time with the child.
I wish my family was closer.
The relationship I have with my grandparents is amazing. I want my daughter to have the same... but there is a minimum 2 hour drive to see any of them (and that's my sisters). My mom - in another state. Husbands parents - 4 hours away.
That family network would be nice...
We talked about Halloween and kids. He has a 4 month old grandson which he gets to watch 3-4 times a week. His face lit up when he talked about the time with the child.
I wish my family was closer.
The relationship I have with my grandparents is amazing. I want my daughter to have the same... but there is a minimum 2 hour drive to see any of them (and that's my sisters). My mom - in another state. Husbands parents - 4 hours away.
That family network would be nice...
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
people are strange
I wonder if in this day and age of blogging, of being able to "post a comment" on a news story and vent ones opinion is changing the way we talk to each other.
Two interesting things happened yesterday.
A student came into my office and said, 'I don't know what I should be learning from this class." After some discussion, it seems that he wasn't getting anything out of listening to other people's writing projects. He wasn't able to discern the good writing from the mediocre. I watched him that day and he only perked up and payed attention when his theatre friends read their projects. Ahh, the problem. He feels superior to people in the class... And what does it mean that students can't learn from each other? That they can't listen...
The second things happened after the show last night. I talked to a very nice man, playwright and director (probably in his 60s) who was from the same country in which the play is set. Nice comments, wanted me to use the chair playing space more... but other than that fine. The next guy, called to me by name (first name). Did I know him, no. He demanded to know why a character did what he did int he show - he felt there needed to be more urgency. Thanks, says I, and then I leave to do some notes. But the guys is still waiting for me. He has other "plausibility" issues with the play. His enthusiasm bordered on hostility with me (come to find out he asked the house manger where he could fine him, aka, the director, and demonstrated a great deal of shock at my gender). At one point he asked me "Is that what is happening inside the actor?" I said, "that's a question for the actor." Then in a high pitched shocked "j'accuse" voice he said, "but YOU"RE the director.". I said, "Yes I am, and that is what the actor and I discussed." And which point I was saved by a staff member.
The guy was still talking with his "date" outside the theatre when I left. I used the side door.
The man never introduced himself to me. Nor did he say anything positive about his experience (his pay-what-you-will expereince).
It made me remember another incident a few years ago, when, in a discussion with an audience, I said "my job is to just stay out of the way of the talent." It was a flip response, got a laugh as people knew that I was joking. But a patron wrote a letter to the artistic director telling him to come in and save my show becuase of that comment (my show was a huge success and the AD stayed the hell out of my way).
But what give people the right to just accost me (and I did feel accosted by this man) or any artist? I understand the need to express yourself and I am thrilled when I create art that can do just that. But the hostility? There is no place for that. Sure I have pissed many people off and have had numerous discussions - but always in a post-show format. I don't mind hostility (or is it passion) when it is in a safe venue to discuss it... but in the lobby after the show... what the hell is that about? And to lack all social skills, like an introduction?
What a roller coaster I have been on. People take things so literally. And those negative encounters tend to stick with you more than the positive ones.
I also had a women say she loved the show (the one going on now) and asked if I directed a certain show last season. Upon hearing that I had, she decided I was her new favorite director.
Guess which one I will remember more?
Two interesting things happened yesterday.
A student came into my office and said, 'I don't know what I should be learning from this class." After some discussion, it seems that he wasn't getting anything out of listening to other people's writing projects. He wasn't able to discern the good writing from the mediocre. I watched him that day and he only perked up and payed attention when his theatre friends read their projects. Ahh, the problem. He feels superior to people in the class... And what does it mean that students can't learn from each other? That they can't listen...
The second things happened after the show last night. I talked to a very nice man, playwright and director (probably in his 60s) who was from the same country in which the play is set. Nice comments, wanted me to use the chair playing space more... but other than that fine. The next guy, called to me by name (first name). Did I know him, no. He demanded to know why a character did what he did int he show - he felt there needed to be more urgency. Thanks, says I, and then I leave to do some notes. But the guys is still waiting for me. He has other "plausibility" issues with the play. His enthusiasm bordered on hostility with me (come to find out he asked the house manger where he could fine him, aka, the director, and demonstrated a great deal of shock at my gender). At one point he asked me "Is that what is happening inside the actor?" I said, "that's a question for the actor." Then in a high pitched shocked "j'accuse" voice he said, "but YOU"RE the director.". I said, "Yes I am, and that is what the actor and I discussed." And which point I was saved by a staff member.
The guy was still talking with his "date" outside the theatre when I left. I used the side door.
The man never introduced himself to me. Nor did he say anything positive about his experience (his pay-what-you-will expereince).
It made me remember another incident a few years ago, when, in a discussion with an audience, I said "my job is to just stay out of the way of the talent." It was a flip response, got a laugh as people knew that I was joking. But a patron wrote a letter to the artistic director telling him to come in and save my show becuase of that comment (my show was a huge success and the AD stayed the hell out of my way).
But what give people the right to just accost me (and I did feel accosted by this man) or any artist? I understand the need to express yourself and I am thrilled when I create art that can do just that. But the hostility? There is no place for that. Sure I have pissed many people off and have had numerous discussions - but always in a post-show format. I don't mind hostility (or is it passion) when it is in a safe venue to discuss it... but in the lobby after the show... what the hell is that about? And to lack all social skills, like an introduction?
What a roller coaster I have been on. People take things so literally. And those negative encounters tend to stick with you more than the positive ones.
I also had a women say she loved the show (the one going on now) and asked if I directed a certain show last season. Upon hearing that I had, she decided I was her new favorite director.
Guess which one I will remember more?
Thursday, October 08, 2009
wow
A student just walked by my office and then doubled back.
She said I was inspiring becuase I am doing what she wants to do. and now she knows its possible.
That made my day.
She said I was inspiring becuase I am doing what she wants to do. and now she knows its possible.
That made my day.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
inspired
Okay
So all it takes are two kicks in my ass on the same day to remind me why I like what I do.
1. A crazy honor being bestowed on me that reminds me that I have a great career
2. And interview where I discussed why what I do is important.
So all it takes are two kicks in my ass on the same day to remind me why I like what I do.
1. A crazy honor being bestowed on me that reminds me that I have a great career
2. And interview where I discussed why what I do is important.
Monday, October 05, 2009
serendipity
Fate is bizarre.
Today I had dinner with an old friend who worked with me on a show 10 years ago as a dramaturg and then acted in the same show (updated) four years ago. The play was a show I had adapted from a book. Today, my book club met and we talked about that book.
When I adapted the book - there were many similarities between it (a classic from the early 1800s) and what was happening in technology today. Both times I did the show, huge medical advances were being made and publicized while the rehearsal process was underway -- all of which was woven into the show... I knew I was working on the right show.
Haven't had that feeling of knowing I was working on the right project in a long time.
Today I had dinner with an old friend who worked with me on a show 10 years ago as a dramaturg and then acted in the same show (updated) four years ago. The play was a show I had adapted from a book. Today, my book club met and we talked about that book.
When I adapted the book - there were many similarities between it (a classic from the early 1800s) and what was happening in technology today. Both times I did the show, huge medical advances were being made and publicized while the rehearsal process was underway -- all of which was woven into the show... I knew I was working on the right show.
Haven't had that feeling of knowing I was working on the right project in a long time.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
first day
One of my friends recently went to be with her sister when her sister gave birth to her first child. It made me remember how my sister was in the room when I gave birth to my daughter. Just my husband and my sister. It is incredibly amazing how my daughter is completely enamored with my sis. She misses my sister and wants to see her all the time.
My daughter has been asking me to tell her stories of my childhood. I instantly tell stories of being at my grandparents in the summer. We had a family reunion a couple weeks ago and I did an oral history of my grandmother - it was incredibly fascinating. She reminded me that they (she and grandpa) used to watch me. Tales of me sleeping with them and keeping them up all night - I wouldn't sleep alone (just like my kid). My grandmother was with my mom when I was born. My dad? Well, he was in the Navy and it was during the Vietnam conflict, so I didn't meet him until I was almost 1.
Mom almost had me in the hallway at the hospital. My grandmother, who was a nurse and helped start pediatric wards, told the doctors that I was on my way and they chose to ignore her. So she started coaching my mom. When the doctor walked by - he realized he better get my mom in a room - and here I came.
So grandma and mom where the first voices I heard when I came into this world.
Those first voices are important and lasting. New studies have been popping up about how a child comes into the world. I am glad those two women where there when I got here. I am elated my sister and my husband welcomed my daughter with me. And I am thrilled for my friend for the bond she now has with her nephew.
My daughter has been asking me to tell her stories of my childhood. I instantly tell stories of being at my grandparents in the summer. We had a family reunion a couple weeks ago and I did an oral history of my grandmother - it was incredibly fascinating. She reminded me that they (she and grandpa) used to watch me. Tales of me sleeping with them and keeping them up all night - I wouldn't sleep alone (just like my kid). My grandmother was with my mom when I was born. My dad? Well, he was in the Navy and it was during the Vietnam conflict, so I didn't meet him until I was almost 1.
Mom almost had me in the hallway at the hospital. My grandmother, who was a nurse and helped start pediatric wards, told the doctors that I was on my way and they chose to ignore her. So she started coaching my mom. When the doctor walked by - he realized he better get my mom in a room - and here I came.
So grandma and mom where the first voices I heard when I came into this world.
Those first voices are important and lasting. New studies have been popping up about how a child comes into the world. I am glad those two women where there when I got here. I am elated my sister and my husband welcomed my daughter with me. And I am thrilled for my friend for the bond she now has with her nephew.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
haunted by the blank page
The blank page is terrifying. I have been reading some playwriting texts lately for a class I am teaching and I find it really amusing that a couple of these authors say that fear of the blank page is bullshit - that you should just be able to write. And if you write everyday it shouldn't be a problem.
Well, I disagree.
The blank page does offers an endless number of possibilities. But to fill it with just the right thing can be daunting. I don't like to write without a purpose. The fear of the page should be respected becuase it means that you don't want to just spew crap - that you take the art form seriously.
So fear of the blank page should be respected. It is natural.
How to get over it?
One of the techniques I have given my students is to think about what is important to them and write about that. Easier said than done. So, I give them a list of 28 questions that I got from a theatre practitioner that I respect... questions like:
What are the three most important issues facing the world today?
to
What are five flavors that give you pleasure to taste. (There is nothing like an ode to chocolate to inspire).
That seems to help.
Today I should follow my own advice and answer those questions myself.
Well, I disagree.
The blank page does offers an endless number of possibilities. But to fill it with just the right thing can be daunting. I don't like to write without a purpose. The fear of the page should be respected becuase it means that you don't want to just spew crap - that you take the art form seriously.
So fear of the blank page should be respected. It is natural.
How to get over it?
One of the techniques I have given my students is to think about what is important to them and write about that. Easier said than done. So, I give them a list of 28 questions that I got from a theatre practitioner that I respect... questions like:
What are the three most important issues facing the world today?
to
What are five flavors that give you pleasure to taste. (There is nothing like an ode to chocolate to inspire).
That seems to help.
Today I should follow my own advice and answer those questions myself.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Haunted
Today was a good day, but I didn't think it would be.
I had a rough go yesterday - tough rehearsal, feeling like a lousy artist & crappy mom.
I was also incredibly angry about everything - not a pity party so much as just anger at the universe. Perhaps a little pms (but I do so hate blaming hormones)
I am starting to realize that I am a little haunted by my past artistic life. I look at all these amazing pictures of the art I created prior to 2006. There was some amazing work - visual poetry on stage. Explorations into form and content. It wasn't easy to achieve that - but I had a dedicated group backing me up and occasionally fighting with me - but in a good way. Yes there was heart ache, yes there were times I really hated it but I had artistic freedom. We could try and do anything. It was encouraged. We could be adventurous. We could fail and it was okay.
I don't have it anymore - that kind of freedom. Really. I am working for others now - other artistic visions, adhering to other company missions. The assignments I have been given have all been main stream & realistic. Of course, I enjoy the work I do - the collaboration of it all - a new group of amazing artists - but I am not doing what I do best. I am not breaking form - in fact I am just perpetuating the type of theatre I used to challenge/deconstruct/etc.
Do I feel like a sell out? Occasionally, yes, I think I do. How do I justify it then, well - the work is intellectually satisfying. II have been given shows that "say" things - important things about the world we live in. It is not aesthetically pleasing, but at least I am still making people think. Its provocative.
So what do I do?
Hmmm.
There's the rub.
I had a rough go yesterday - tough rehearsal, feeling like a lousy artist & crappy mom.
I was also incredibly angry about everything - not a pity party so much as just anger at the universe. Perhaps a little pms (but I do so hate blaming hormones)
I am starting to realize that I am a little haunted by my past artistic life. I look at all these amazing pictures of the art I created prior to 2006. There was some amazing work - visual poetry on stage. Explorations into form and content. It wasn't easy to achieve that - but I had a dedicated group backing me up and occasionally fighting with me - but in a good way. Yes there was heart ache, yes there were times I really hated it but I had artistic freedom. We could try and do anything. It was encouraged. We could be adventurous. We could fail and it was okay.
I don't have it anymore - that kind of freedom. Really. I am working for others now - other artistic visions, adhering to other company missions. The assignments I have been given have all been main stream & realistic. Of course, I enjoy the work I do - the collaboration of it all - a new group of amazing artists - but I am not doing what I do best. I am not breaking form - in fact I am just perpetuating the type of theatre I used to challenge/deconstruct/etc.
Do I feel like a sell out? Occasionally, yes, I think I do. How do I justify it then, well - the work is intellectually satisfying. II have been given shows that "say" things - important things about the world we live in. It is not aesthetically pleasing, but at least I am still making people think. Its provocative.
So what do I do?
Hmmm.
There's the rub.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
bravery
On Monday I had to assign my students scenes for their final. I asked them if they wanted to pick and they all said "no - you pick for us"
So I did.
To one pair I assigned the opening scene of a play about a woman who has lost her child. In the scene she is folding the boys cloths to send them off to the Salvation Army. Her sister is in the scene and needs to tell her she is pregnant.
My student, who is probably in her late 30s, came up to me and said, 'I lost my son three years ago." I immediately offered to change the script. She wanted to read the play anyway.
I sent her and her scene partner another script right after class.
I received an e-mail from her today saying that she wants to do the scene. She gets it and wants to do it.
That is bravery right there.
So I did.
To one pair I assigned the opening scene of a play about a woman who has lost her child. In the scene she is folding the boys cloths to send them off to the Salvation Army. Her sister is in the scene and needs to tell her she is pregnant.
My student, who is probably in her late 30s, came up to me and said, 'I lost my son three years ago." I immediately offered to change the script. She wanted to read the play anyway.
I sent her and her scene partner another script right after class.
I received an e-mail from her today saying that she wants to do the scene. She gets it and wants to do it.
That is bravery right there.
Monday, July 06, 2009
while the hubby is away
The husband gone for the week. He travels a lot, so we're used to it.
The kid and I fall into a bit of a different routine. It's not totally different from our regular routine. I will probably get her out of the house anywhere from 15mintues to 1/2 an hour earlier than I do when the spouse is home. Her pre-school is 20 minutes away. We pay for her to be there from 7:30am-1pm. We get her there usually at 9... But, when the husband isn't home, I like to take advantage of the 90 minutes. So, we'll leave the house around 8, instead of 8:30.
I also plan more activities. Perhaps it is just me not wanting to be just stuck in the house without another parent, but there will be more playdates and activities.
While the husband is away, we miss him terribly. But the re-entry is always tough - especially when he's gone for more than a couple days. As he likes to point out, I act as if he is in my way. And he's right. I'll get into a pattern and there is a little annoyance (which is not completely hidden) when that is interrupted.
The kid and I fall into a bit of a different routine. It's not totally different from our regular routine. I will probably get her out of the house anywhere from 15mintues to 1/2 an hour earlier than I do when the spouse is home. Her pre-school is 20 minutes away. We pay for her to be there from 7:30am-1pm. We get her there usually at 9... But, when the husband isn't home, I like to take advantage of the 90 minutes. So, we'll leave the house around 8, instead of 8:30.
I also plan more activities. Perhaps it is just me not wanting to be just stuck in the house without another parent, but there will be more playdates and activities.
While the husband is away, we miss him terribly. But the re-entry is always tough - especially when he's gone for more than a couple days. As he likes to point out, I act as if he is in my way. And he's right. I'll get into a pattern and there is a little annoyance (which is not completely hidden) when that is interrupted.
Sunday, July 05, 2009
books and bed
The bedtime routine with my daughter has altered lately.
At 7:30 she goes to Kiki's boutique to "buy" her Pjs. Yes, she gets her purse and fake money. Then she sees 'The fashion guru" aka the husband to show off the outfit.
The fashion guru takes her to brush her teeth, go potty, feed her fish, pick out three books for mommy to read, and mark the day off the calendar.
I read the books to her and together we turn off the light (leaving the fish tank on until I go to bed).
I then lay with her until she goes to sleep. A process that can take 15-45 minutes. A process that sometimes makes me fall asleep too.
Bet ya don't have to think to hard about the part I need to change.
At 7:30 she goes to Kiki's boutique to "buy" her Pjs. Yes, she gets her purse and fake money. Then she sees 'The fashion guru" aka the husband to show off the outfit.
The fashion guru takes her to brush her teeth, go potty, feed her fish, pick out three books for mommy to read, and mark the day off the calendar.
I read the books to her and together we turn off the light (leaving the fish tank on until I go to bed).
I then lay with her until she goes to sleep. A process that can take 15-45 minutes. A process that sometimes makes me fall asleep too.
Bet ya don't have to think to hard about the part I need to change.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
calendar
My daughter and I have a routine at bedtime. We cross a day off the calendar.
Last night, she wanted to look at all the months coming up.
When we got to December, I said, "And there's mommy's birthday and then the fairies come and the Christmas."
And her little voice said, 'And then we die."
I stopped, looked at her and said, "Why do you think that?"
"There are no more days."
"Oh honey, in December we'll get another calendar that has the next year on it."
"Oh"
Wow.
Last night, she wanted to look at all the months coming up.
When we got to December, I said, "And there's mommy's birthday and then the fairies come and the Christmas."
And her little voice said, 'And then we die."
I stopped, looked at her and said, "Why do you think that?"
"There are no more days."
"Oh honey, in December we'll get another calendar that has the next year on it."
"Oh"
Wow.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
librarys
Just spent an hour with a friend looking at her library. Amazing collections of books that need to be organized. Fun.
So why do we organize our books? why are certain titles okay for the livign room and others relegated to the bedroom?
I have fiction in the living room. Older books under glass. Non-fiction is all in my home office. I will admit that the home office library is very anal. I have a theatre section, a film section, a feminist section, history, religion, philosphy and science.
I have books based on certain research projects huddled together. It makes sense to me...
I have started organizing my daughter's library. She's four. Every three days or so, I put everything back. That way she (and I) can find what we're looking for.
Maybe I have just found a good outlet for my OCD.
So why do we organize our books? why are certain titles okay for the livign room and others relegated to the bedroom?
I have fiction in the living room. Older books under glass. Non-fiction is all in my home office. I will admit that the home office library is very anal. I have a theatre section, a film section, a feminist section, history, religion, philosphy and science.
I have books based on certain research projects huddled together. It makes sense to me...
I have started organizing my daughter's library. She's four. Every three days or so, I put everything back. That way she (and I) can find what we're looking for.
Maybe I have just found a good outlet for my OCD.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
take 2
Okay let's try NaBloPoMo again.
After I was off to a decent, okay five posts, start last month. everything seemed to hit the fan.
My sister got diagnosed with Guillain-Barre syndrome. A month later and she is doing better, still on the road to recovery, which will take some time. I am quite proud of her. She is working her ass off in physical therapy. I took her to her neuroligist on Monday and watch them basically shock her nerves to see if there was any improvement - and there was... Yippee...
Then the plague hit. Husband first, then child, then me. I got out of bed all of 2 hours and even then was barely conscience.
Then giving a final.
Then a TA who couldn't get her shit together to get me the 75 grades she was responsible for.
Then the e-mails from students who were not happy with their grades.
And all the while trying (in vain) to work on a script...
Oye...
Let's hope the theme ROUTINE is better than Heros... Although there are still many heros I wanted to talk about... perhaps I will just talk about their routine.
After I was off to a decent, okay five posts, start last month. everything seemed to hit the fan.
My sister got diagnosed with Guillain-Barre syndrome. A month later and she is doing better, still on the road to recovery, which will take some time. I am quite proud of her. She is working her ass off in physical therapy. I took her to her neuroligist on Monday and watch them basically shock her nerves to see if there was any improvement - and there was... Yippee...
Then the plague hit. Husband first, then child, then me. I got out of bed all of 2 hours and even then was barely conscience.
Then giving a final.
Then a TA who couldn't get her shit together to get me the 75 grades she was responsible for.
Then the e-mails from students who were not happy with their grades.
And all the while trying (in vain) to work on a script...
Oye...
Let's hope the theme ROUTINE is better than Heros... Although there are still many heros I wanted to talk about... perhaps I will just talk about their routine.
Friday, June 05, 2009
#5
Orderlies.
I got to the hospital today to see my sister. When I walked into the room, my mom and my older sister were changing the bed. Okay. Why? Because that is how they are.
The orderly walked into the room, a bit perplexed to find his job almost completed. He was quite amused at the site of these two women helping and the one woman (me) standing off to the side, least I get underfoot.
But it made me think... being an orderly has got to be incredibly difficult. One: They have horrific messes to clean up (with all kinds of bodily fluids involved). Two: They do have to deal with crazy families, like mine, under various stages of anxiety. Three: They have to deal with the hierarchy of hospitals (drs., etc).
I wonder if they have the weird hours...
I got to the hospital today to see my sister. When I walked into the room, my mom and my older sister were changing the bed. Okay. Why? Because that is how they are.
The orderly walked into the room, a bit perplexed to find his job almost completed. He was quite amused at the site of these two women helping and the one woman (me) standing off to the side, least I get underfoot.
But it made me think... being an orderly has got to be incredibly difficult. One: They have horrific messes to clean up (with all kinds of bodily fluids involved). Two: They do have to deal with crazy families, like mine, under various stages of anxiety. Three: They have to deal with the hierarchy of hospitals (drs., etc).
I wonder if they have the weird hours...
Thursday, June 04, 2009
#4
Yep two posts today - last night I got side tracked with a vomiting child and a sister in the hospital. Child doing better. Sister is not.
But I'm not in the mood to go into that. Maybe later.
Today's heroes are my dogs. They just know when everyone is sick, stressed, etc.. and are just the best.
#3 farmers
Today my heroes are farmers. I just bought 1/2 a cow. Yep - COW. I went to Morris Grass Fed and bought a heck of a lot of meat. I did not go out to meet the cow last month when we were invited for a tour - just didn't have the time, but I will next year.
So I picked up the cow (already butchered and put into convenient labeled portions) and drive it home and toss it in the freezer.
A women who was waiting with me said how great it was to get beef that was grass fed and organic. But most of all, to support local farmers.
So here's to local organic framers! And some incredibly yummy cow...
So I picked up the cow (already butchered and put into convenient labeled portions) and drive it home and toss it in the freezer.
A women who was waiting with me said how great it was to get beef that was grass fed and organic. But most of all, to support local farmers.
So here's to local organic framers! And some incredibly yummy cow...
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Actors
Today my heroes are actors.
Yes, actors.
But I don't want to write about their "process" or the art that they create - which can transport you to another place/time; give meaning to the unspeakable; inspire social change; uncover desires; and provoke you....
I want to write about the act of courage actors make every time they walk into an audition.
I sit on the other side of the table. When I am casting, I want everyone walking thru the door to be the right person for the job. I want to have many choices and I want everyone to be fabulous. I WANT to have a hard time making the final decision. Every audition is an opportunity to learn something new about the actor and the play. There are many of my counterparts who do not feel that way. They feel that the person coming through the door will only serve to show them what they don't want. They can be ungracious and downright rude to actors.
To walk into a room and give an audition requires bravery. Actors have no idea what the director wants to see, mainly because most of the time the director is learning the play as well and they don't know what they want to see. They don't know what happened in the room before they walked in (the rendition of 'Part of your world," five Bastard speeches, a spilt coffee, a nervous artistic director pushing their own agenda) - well, unless they eavesdrop - but that only adds to the pressure. Sure, there are ideas about how to "plan" your audition- textbooks that tell actors to make sure they audition at the end, so they are the last person the director sees, or first thing so they can set the bar and be on the director's mind all day. Those things don't work. Really.
Most auditions are cold reading. The actors reads it as they prepared it at home. Then the director either says, "thanks" and they're done -- which usually means "you don't get the role" OR the director will give them direction and have them do it again.
A lot of directors don't know how to talk to actors (i am sometimes guilty of this as well) and so the actor must try to decipher the director's intentions, ramblings, etc and make a bold choice during their next pass. First they have to get over the "yippee, they want me to try it again" jitters. And they may only get one more pass...
The actor will be asked to jump thru hoops in the 5 - 15 minutes he/she is in the room. Every actor hoop imaginable.
The actor may be doing all this with 2-10 people in the room. In some circumstances, the actor might not even know who the director is until they have done the first pass. God forbid the mistake the director for an intern (this has happened to me).
There is usually a reader, someone the actor has never met, that they now must play off of... if the reader is good, they play off of the actor. If the reader is bad - they give the actor nothing...
Everything is out there. They are asked to expose their core being and leave it open for introspection until the director is done examining it.
That is how you get a part.
Actors must also leave the world outside. If auditions are running 10, 15, 30 minutes late (and sometimes an hour) - the second they show their displeasure, they could loose the job. They have to be patient. Expect nothing and give everything.
It's a tough job.
It takes courage.
Yes, actors.
But I don't want to write about their "process" or the art that they create - which can transport you to another place/time; give meaning to the unspeakable; inspire social change; uncover desires; and provoke you....
I want to write about the act of courage actors make every time they walk into an audition.
I sit on the other side of the table. When I am casting, I want everyone walking thru the door to be the right person for the job. I want to have many choices and I want everyone to be fabulous. I WANT to have a hard time making the final decision. Every audition is an opportunity to learn something new about the actor and the play. There are many of my counterparts who do not feel that way. They feel that the person coming through the door will only serve to show them what they don't want. They can be ungracious and downright rude to actors.
To walk into a room and give an audition requires bravery. Actors have no idea what the director wants to see, mainly because most of the time the director is learning the play as well and they don't know what they want to see. They don't know what happened in the room before they walked in (the rendition of 'Part of your world," five Bastard speeches, a spilt coffee, a nervous artistic director pushing their own agenda) - well, unless they eavesdrop - but that only adds to the pressure. Sure, there are ideas about how to "plan" your audition- textbooks that tell actors to make sure they audition at the end, so they are the last person the director sees, or first thing so they can set the bar and be on the director's mind all day. Those things don't work. Really.
Most auditions are cold reading. The actors reads it as they prepared it at home. Then the director either says, "thanks" and they're done -- which usually means "you don't get the role" OR the director will give them direction and have them do it again.
A lot of directors don't know how to talk to actors (i am sometimes guilty of this as well) and so the actor must try to decipher the director's intentions, ramblings, etc and make a bold choice during their next pass. First they have to get over the "yippee, they want me to try it again" jitters. And they may only get one more pass...
The actor will be asked to jump thru hoops in the 5 - 15 minutes he/she is in the room. Every actor hoop imaginable.
The actor may be doing all this with 2-10 people in the room. In some circumstances, the actor might not even know who the director is until they have done the first pass. God forbid the mistake the director for an intern (this has happened to me).
There is usually a reader, someone the actor has never met, that they now must play off of... if the reader is good, they play off of the actor. If the reader is bad - they give the actor nothing...
Everything is out there. They are asked to expose their core being and leave it open for introspection until the director is done examining it.
That is how you get a part.
Actors must also leave the world outside. If auditions are running 10, 15, 30 minutes late (and sometimes an hour) - the second they show their displeasure, they could loose the job. They have to be patient. Expect nothing and give everything.
It's a tough job.
It takes courage.
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