manual labor

I just did 90 minutes of gardening and I feel great. I just couldn't take our lack of curb appeal any longer...

Now I need to finish reading the book club book.... 200 pages to go... wish me luck.

itch

I am so stressed I am itching... this job BS needs to be over soon.

"Hurry up and wait" is now turning into mental cruelty.

my latest addiction

The husband is working late - he's in tech.

So I have been watching House Hunters, followed by House Hunters International for a week now.

Someone stop me.

At least tonight I had a glass of wine.

The Potlatch Effect

So, I have been reading this book. And there is this section about "why we are good". One of the theories had me supressing an uncomfortable giggle.

"Altruistic giving may be an advertisement of dominance or superiority".

This made me think about people I know who tend to give random gifts for no apparent reason. I always feel a little bit guilty about not being able to afford to give them a gift back. I always wonder - "do they feel they need to buy my friendship?" or "do I need to buy them something too?"

I wonder if it is subconscious - their need to feel some kind of dominance... hmmm...

Now - I'm all for a nice card, flowers, etc. But those are usually for an occasion - get well, birthday, mother's day, get out of your funk, thank you, congratulations, new jobs, new babies, you rock, apologies. And yes - the occasional "I was thinking about you and thought you would like this" is fine.

A bottle of wine for doing a huge favor gets big points in my book. But showing up to see someone and they have a gift for you (for no reason) is just socially awkward.

Also, if they pick up the check too many times... I have to wonder "are they keeping score?" Should I start carrying around a notebook so I know how many times they buy? Will this be used against me later?

Then I thought (here comes the uncomfortable giggle) - have I done that?

banana bread

The kid and I made banana bread tonight. we wont get to sample it until morning. It bake while she took her bath and I took it out of the oven in between Curious George stories (I had to read three tonight). So - let's hope the boy dog doesn't eat this loaf before we get a chance to try it...

pancakes and latte

Every Saturday morning we (me and the kid) make pancakes. She mixes the dry ingredients - I do the wet. Then she watches me put them on the griddle and flip them. I had been using a recipe from THE JOY OF COOKING. Pretty standard. But in my quest to make things a bit more healthy I have started changing the recipe around a bit. My inspiration has been coming from my gal pals who have wonderful culinary expertise...

The Recipe from JOY
1 1/2 cup flour
3 tbs sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking power
1/2 tsp salt

3 tbs butter
1 1/2 cup milk
2 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla

My modified version:
3/4 cup flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup flax seed
1 1/2 tsp baking power
1/2 salt
cinnamon (I let the kid handle this - sometimes its really cinnamon-y - like a big tablespoon)
1/4 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp ginger
same wet ingredients as above.

She gets a nice cup of chocolate milk (aka Ovaltine) and I enjoy a latte. Yep I have finally (after 7 months) figured out my espresso machine. I was putting in too much coffee...

more animal encounters

Today I saw this in my patio. So, I looked up Dragonfly in one of my books...

There is a legend that a dragonfly was once a dragon. Coyote tricked Dragon by having him showing its art of magic and illusion by changing form - into a Dragonfly. By showing off his power, Dragon lost it.

"Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change, the messages of wisdom and enlightenment, and communications from the elemental world."
It goes on to say...
"...it may be time to break down the illusions you have held hat restrict your actions or ideas..."

hmm...

riding the wind of change and other cliches that seem to work for me today

Things change.
We all evolve.
Re-birth is important.
Out with the old and in with the new.
the more things change the more they stay the same
money can't buy happiness

ya whatever

and we saw...

...this as we were driving home today. There are mountain lion warnings all over the campus. I saw a mountain lion last year. But this is a bobcat. It was a BIG one too. I saw it walk across the road - no one was behind me, so I slowed down and let the hubby and the kid get a peak.
It was beautiful.

I didn't take this picture... thanks to the University for having this on their site...

refried beans

When I was a single gal - I would sometimes for dinner have chips, refried beans, salsa and sour cream. Now the beans we cooked with a lot of cheese. Oh and I always used (and still use) Rosarita's Vegetarian Refried Beans.

Tonight the kid and I met the husband on his dinner break and went to our favorite Mexican joint. Mexican food (good mexican food) is hard to find in this city. Since we lived near he border for so long - I have very strong feelings about which restaurants we can go to. So I was pleased when we discovered the little hole in the wall.
I had some enchiladas - yummy. Beans on the side. They were so good - and yes - I know they use lard. But once in a while ya just gotta a go for it... and man oh man was it tasty.

I've started making chicken fajitas at home. We've found some pretty yummy whole wheat tortillas. Nothing beats a hand made corn tortilla though... but when you're trying to be healthy (which occasionally we do) - its better to have the whole grains in the house. With the fajitas - refried beans, sour cream, salsa and avocado...

sugar

We've been big advocates of the South Beach diet. But the big problem has been sugar. South Beach has you use Splenda for all sweetening needs. I have never been able to use Sweet and Low and those other artificial sweeteners. You can just taste the chemicals.

So - I get cutting down on the sugar intake. But, I don't think a little pure cane sugar is bad. It is probably better for you than the artificial stuff. Right?

Maybe its because I hang out with some gals who grow their own food, and go organic... but I am worried about the amount of fake food out there - additives and other "stuff" in food.

So I have started reading labels.

It's eye opening and a good thing.

drinking and the dentist

I went to the dentist this morning to fill a cavity. After a shot of Novocaine, he began drilling. I almost immediately screamed in pain. Yep, I needed another shot. And even after #2 I could still feel it. Anyway - Shot #2 numbed my tongue and lips for about 4 hours. It made drinking and eating so much fun. Drinking was the best - since I couldn't tell where the liquid was...

salsa

I went to see my sisters on Saturday. My older sister and I took our kids to the water park and then we were invited to my little sister's house for lunch. Little sister made burgers and hotdogs. But then there was this large vat of salsa. She married a man from Mexico a couple years ago and since then has been cooking Mexican food. This salsa was fantastic - made from scratch. I ate so much of it that she offered to send some home with me - I said - yes. It was gone by Sunday. She should sell that salsa - she'd make a lot of money. I'm now addicted to it.

meat

Okay. Meat. Cooking it.

I have a fear of undercooked meats. Thus, I tend to overcook things to the point of dryness. I am working on this phobia. I am.

The pork chops I made the other night in the broiler looked a little pink - so I kept them in a minute longer - only to have them overcook while they "rested."

I remember a Christmas get-together at my grandmother's. She made chicken. It was NOT cooked all the way. My mother said "just eat it" - I looked at her like she was from outerspace and showed her the breast. She immediately took it away.

That was the first step towards becoming a vegetarian (which I was for about three years). But the rawness of the meat really made me ill.. okay thinking about it is making me feel ill too... excuse me a minute...

okay

My mother cooked red meat until it was more than "done done." Since hooking up with the husband (14 years ago) I have now acquired a taste for "medium well" and sometimes "medium" whereas he lives in the world of "medium rare". The kid - she's her father's daughter. I never knew meat could be moist and at time be as melty as butter.
I also thought, as a kid, that all fish tasted like fish sticks.

So - I tend to leave the meat (beef and fish) to the husband to cook. I can handle the poultry and am working towards keeping it moist.

The last 10 years (since getting hitched to the fella) has been spent expanding my culinary repertoire. I am now more adventurous and actually know what foie gras is! Thanks Top Chef and Food TV.

I order Pho with rare steak on the side and cook it myself in the broth. yummmy.

Sushi doesn't count. I have no problems with raw fish...

Damn it.

Now I'm hungry.

pizza

Pizza is my downfall...
I love it.
but I always feel really gross after eating it.

food

Looks like the topic for the month is food...

today I spoke at a men;s club which is part of a retirement community.

I was the guest for the luncheon.

Lunch was a beef patty-like thing. With a rich sauce on it and canned mushrooms. On the side was over cooked steamed veggies and a scoop of mashed potatoes.

The man to my right commented on how fabulous the food was.

I just nodded.

It's a good thing I'm not a vegetarian.

They were all worried that I didn't touch my apple pie.

Sexism Sells -- But We're Not Buying It

Happy Solstice

Summer is here. Temperatures are hot.

two daddies

As I lay on the couch trying not to be ill... I thought I'd put on HAIRSPRAY. We TiVoed it in HD (man - we are such geeks). Thought the 3year old would dig it - she likes musicals. The husband and I saw the stage version years ago - so I knew there wasn't anything bad in it.

So we're watching and John Travolta, as the mom, and Christopher Walken, as the dad are on the screen.
The kid says, "Where's the mommy?"
I said, pointing to Travolta in drag, "Isn't that the mommy?"
Soph says,"NO. That's a daddy. She has two daddies?"
I say, "Yes, honey. Some people have two daddies and some have two mommies and some have one daddy and one mommy."
Soph said, 'Okay."

Cool.

On the ill front - poor Soph got sick while we were in Yosemite on Friday and she woke up throwing up on Saturday. Around 10:30 when she couldn't hold down water, we decided to leave a day early. About 10 minutes into the drive - I did something I haven't done since college -- puked on the side of the road. It was a pretty disgusting ride home. Bless the husband for getting us home quickly.

Soph is back to herself today. I, on the otherhand, am not...

home

I have been chatting with friends lately about our houses. We live in one of the most expensive parts of CA. Anywhere else we'd be living in a 2000+ sq. foot home with a formal dinning room and a bonus room. But, we're in a little two bedroom house - with a garage that is usable for anything other than storage. A kitchen that is in desperate need of a renovation (and I'm watching SPICE UP MY KITCHEN at the moment and they just said most kitchen renovations cost $30K-$60K - WHATTT??? gulp). A bedroom where our Queen bed and one dresser maxes out the floor space. And a second bedroom that is, i admit, a decent size for a kid.

We're all in the same boat. Houses that are too small for growing families. Houses that make our husbands frustrated. We converted 1/2 the garage into an office for me - the hubby has one at work. But his little home desk is squished into a little corner and things just get piled up on it.

Now I know that if we lived in Manhattan or San Francisco we'd be in even more close quarters - but we would also be able to get Chinese food or Sushi at midnight.

So what can we do?

Get rid of stuff? Already did some of that - but I'm not parting with my books.

Find furniture that fits in the house? Okay, but that costs $$ and do we really want to invest in furniture when we have a toddler and two dogs?

Oh and what about all the toddler toys everywhere? Hmmm... what to do with that?

Anyway... a bonus - we have a good size backyard and it is summer. Happy outdoor living...

4 dollars and what?

yes, I paid $4.17 a gallon for gas.
Then I convinced my boss to let me work from home tomorrow... which is great.

It has been a long long long month. Full of anguish and frustrations.

And then there is the beautiful little cherub that says "I love you Momma" and it really makes all that other crap just meaningless...

Oh the media

There is a fire here in our community.

A pretty big one raging...

The kind the governator declares as a disaster zone.

The husband and I are watching some local news - which is always a little bit annoying.

But what is more annoying are the commercials FOR the news. Shots of them reporting on the fire. A lot of "aren't we great for covering this?" "aren't we cool for putting ourselves in the action" footage. Well, isn't it their JOB to cover the news... Isn't it?

Okay - the newscaster JUST said - "they tell us it's dark now" - well YEAH it 11:30PM!!! One would think it would be dark in the middle of the night.

This is why I read newspapers.

more needles

So, I went for my second treatment today. Hopefully I will feel the effects this time.

Two weeks ago, I had my first treatment, and then my father had a stroke the next day. He's doing great and just went home yesterday - will have to do vocal & physical therapy for a while - but it was really unexpected.

And then I tried to do something nice for my husband for his birthday and ended up inadvertently pissing a friend off.

Then there was a scary accident involving a student at the university - which really put a lot of things in perspective.

Oh - and then... well... in about a month I can talk about the other level of Dante's inferno I was in the last two weeks. You know the one when you have to grin and bare it at work although you want to scream at the top of your lungs... yeah... this one is a doozy...

On another note - the kid LOVES her new daycare. Although she has a bunch of scratches from falling down a lot while playing with the "big kids".

I got to hang out with my sisters for a couple days without our significant others or kids - and although it was around a hospital - I thank whatever powers that be that I have them... we laughed a lot..

The husband loved his b-day presents (which is good) and is currently enjoying his b-day present to himself (a little grand theft auto).

Ahh the joys of Saturday... oh wait - I had to work...

ARG

My latest addiction

I joined facebook.

I know.

I kinda really like it.

I feel 14.

needles

As the giant oak was being chopped up in my backyard, I went to an acupuncturist for the first time. Being a little needle-phobic, I wondered why in the hell was I sitting there waiting to be poked. But as western medicine seems to think the only way to handle the ever growing velocity of my PMS emotions is to give me cancer causing drugs - I figure a little foray into Chinese medicine can't hurt.
The acupuncturist took my history orally - none of the damn forms to fill out. This went on for almost two hours. Yep TWO HOURS. Then the needles came out. Didn't feel a damn thing. I know - even with one in my ear! Then I got to lay there and let them do their work for a half and hour (I think - I fell asleep, so who knows how long I was there).
I'm not sure I feel any different this afternoon... but we'll see.
I start the herbs tomorrow...

Oh and I never looked at the needles... oh no, not ready to see that.

home ownership

To the concept of home ownership,

Hi. You're a super cool concept. I mean really - instead of paying rent, you earn equity. You can paint, modify, alter your house (within state building codes) to your hearts desire. Its really cool. You can plant whatever you want in the garden. You can change carpet to hardwood (or vise-versa). It's great.

On the flip side: you can't call a landlord and make them deal with: water heaters dying, plumbing issues, leaks in roofs, or GIANT DEAD OAK TRESS FALLING INTO YOUR HOUSE FROM A NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. No, you're on your own with that one.

I believe you and I are currently in a love/hate relationship. And that's okay. I can live with that.

Yours,
kiki

PS And I am really happy no one got hurt. But next time, please don't let me be in the shower...

Love

They love each other so much.

Really.
The husband took this picture while they were playing.
I think it captures their personalities perfectly.
Baldur wants to be tough
But
Freya will always be able to win.
Do you see how she is about to bite his whole muzzle
and she has him cornered!

gas

Dear gas stations on the I5 between Anderson's Pea Soup and Magic Mountain,

I recognize that there is a lot of competition out there. But it really pisses me off when I see $3.72 a gallon at the non-name brand station and $3.72 at your station only to realize ONCE I AM AT YOUR PUMP (because for whatever reason I think name brand gas is better) that the sign was for people paying CASH and that the credit card price is $3.88. The word "cash" is so light and so small and its not until you see the secondary sign (the one you can't read from the road) that there is a cash and credit price difference.

And of course, we're all on road trips and we're already out of our cars, in the frickin I5 heat, with the smell of the manure wafting about. We're not about to get back in our cars and drive to another station, We don't have time for that.

If I didn't just pay $4 at home, I might have thrown a bigger fit.

I will remember this annoyance on Tuesday when I drive by you again.
And maybe non-name brand gas is better....

kiki

dear daycare

Dear daycare,

So I call you to see if my daughter is napping. You say "no", I say, "great, I'll be there in 15 minutes to get her so we can visit her new school." Now, she's staying in your system, just transitioning to the preschool from the infant/toddler room - so its not like you don't know what is going on.
Now, with 15 minutes until I get there, don't you think someone should have familiarized themselves with the events of the day so you can fill me in?
Why was my child in a pull-up? She's potty trained and we only wear pull-ups at night. Why couldn't anyone answer my question?
Why were her pants, socks and shoes not somewhere near by? Instead a TA was sent into the classroom where kids were sleeping to find them.
Why didn't you check to see if she ate lunch?
Why are you passing the buck and blaming other teachers?
I know, I know, I know all the excuses.
I am just kind of sick of it.
I am irritated.
Heavy sigh,
Kiki

introductions

Dear people I've not met,

Hi. Thanks for being cool when I just walk up and introduce myself to you. I'm not a shy person. But, it is great when you stay and actually talk to me.

Now a word of advise to a certain group of writers from last night. When someone you don't know walks up to you at an event to compliment your work - don't blow them off. They might be someone who can give you a job. That's why you had a reception. That's why they wanted you to talk to people. It's a sad sad sad time - there are so many more hurdles to jump through and it sucks that we have to do it... Embrace the irony of the situation. Hell write about it. But stop complaining that you work isn't getting done - how can it if you aren't your own cheerleader.



Kiki

Dear procrastination

Procrastination,

When I took you as a lover, I thought - this could be fun.
But now, it has turned into a case of fatal Attraction -
with me alternating the Glenn Close role with you.
How I wish I could just find your rabbit and boil it.
Perhaps then, you'd leave me... sever our connection...
But no matter what I do - you let me fall into your welcoming arms.
I do love to be in your embrace. I worry about nothing and care about nothing.
But then, when you leave, reality hits and stress predominates.
I can't take it anymore.

I think we need a break.
Really.

A long one.

I will use every form of will power not to be seduced by you.

I will

I will

I will

I...

-kiki

geena davis

Dear Geena,

I just found out about your institute. Can I just say THANK YOU.

I am pleased to find that your research has led you to make the following recommendations:

1. G-rated movies and certain TV categories need more females as main characters, minor characters, narrators, and in crowds.
2. G-rated movies and certain TV categories need more characters of color, especially female characters of color as main characters, minor characters, narrators, and in crowds.
3. G-rated movies need to create more female characters with aspirations beyond romance.
4. G-rated movies need to create more women and girl characters that are valued for their inner character, too

I wish you all the best in this endeavor. Hopefully you can make some things change.

best,
Kiki

doggies

Dear my loving doggies,

I love you both very much. I know it has been a difficult year. Now that the kid is too big for the baby carriers, it has become really difficult to walk you both. If we lived somewhere where there was a sidewalk... if we lived somewhere where the neighbors believed in adhering to the leash laws... if cars didn't drive so damn fast - I'd walk you every day with the kid in a stroller. But alas, that is not the case. It is too dangerous to take you both out by myself with the kid in a stroller. We need two adults to achieve a good dog walk. And nowadays that is only happening on the weekends. Thanks for understanding and for playing with each other. On the bright side, the kid is getting big enough to chase you around... you know you love it. Will try and try and try to get more walks in... licks

Love,
kiki
Here is a picture from 2005... its so rare to get you both in one photo.

12

Dear 12,

Hi! I hope everything is going okay for you. I'm a little worried because I see you everywhere and yet my daughter doesn't. Are you hiding from her? She loves to count, but after 11 she jumps right to 13. You are such a beautiful number I would really like her to get to know you. You are a dozen.

And thanks to Wikipedia I know this about you:

You are a composite number, the smallest number with exactly six divisors, your proper divisors being 1, 2, 3, 4 and 6. You arealso a highly composite number, the next one being 24.

You are composite number of the form p2q; a square prime, and also the first member of the (p2) family in this form.

You have an aliquot sum of 16 (133% in abundance). Accordingly, You are the first abundant number and demonstrates an 8 member aliquot sequence; {12,16,15,9,4,3,1,0} 12 is the 3rd composite number in the 3-aliquot tree. The only number which has 12 as its aliquot sum is the square 121. Only 2 other square primes are abundant (18 and 20).

The duodecimal system (1210 [twelve] = 1012), which is the use of 12 as a division factor for many ancient and medieval weights and measures, including hours, probably originates from Mesopotamia.

You are a superfactorial, being the product of the first three factorials.

You, being the product of three and four, the first four positive integers show up in the equation 12 = 3 × 4, which can be continued with the equation 56 = 7 × 8.

A twelve-sided polygon is a dodecagon. A twelve-faced polyhedron is a dodecahedron.

You are a pentagonal number.

The densest three-dimensional lattice sphere packing has each sphere touching 12 others, and this is almost certainly true for any arrangement of spheres (the Kepler conjecture). You are also the kissing number in three dimensions.

You are a number ada is that so coolio m*In base thirteen and higher bases (such as hexadecimal), you are represented as C.

You are superabundant, sparsely totient, a Harshad number and a Pell number.

You are the ninth Perrin number, preceded in the sequence by 5, 7, 10.

Twelve is the smallest weight for which a cusp form exists. This cusp form is the discriminant Δ(q) whose Fourier coefficients are given by the Ramanujan τ-function and which is (up to a constant multiplier) the 24th power of the Dedekind eta function. This fact is related to a constellation of interesting appearances of the number twelve in mathematics ranging from the value of the Riemann zeta function function at -1 i.e. ζ(-1)=-1/12, the fact that the abelianization of SL(2,Z) has twelve elements, and even the properties of lattice polygons.

You are a sublime number, a number that has a perfect number of divisors, and the sum of its divisors is also a perfect number. Since there is a subset of 12's proper divisors that add up to 12 (all of them but with 4 excluded), YOU ARE a semiperfect number.

If an odd perfect number is of the form 12k+1, it has at least twelve distinct prime factors.

How cool are you? So please come out and play with my girl...

Best,
Kiki

ladies who lunch

Dear ladies at work,

From time to time we all find ourselves feeling queasy after eating lunch. It happens. Sometimes it is the sushi. Sometimes it is the leftovers from home that should have been tossed two days prior. Sometimes it is that super spicy curry from the Indian place. And it is always the quiznos - just the one across from us, the others are fine. When the queasies hit - and this week I have noticed there have been many many instances - please remember that others need to use the 3rd floor bathroom. It is the only lavatory on our floor. I don't think it is all that difficult to turn around after you are done washing your hands to makes sure all the remains have been flushed away. I know there is nothing to be done about the odor, but the visuals can be dealt with. So please, if you forget your antacid or IBS meds or those pills you take before ingesting super yummy yet toxic food, please remember your co-workers and double flush. I know it is a waste of water - but we all need a pleasant work environment.

Many many thanks,
the woman with the tiny bladder who works in the office on the other side of the elevator and has a long hike to get to the toilet

Dear daisy

Dear Daisy,

When you're playing "he loves me, he loves me not" does it end with the petals or do you get to count the body of the flower? Just curious.

Kiki

letter for NaBloPoMo

Dear Alton Brown,

Thank you for setting me straight about whisks. I think I understand it now. Flan still intimidates the hell out of me. But maybe I'll give it a go one of these days. I think I'll make a quiche first. Hmm... there is this chicken Quiche that I always get at this coffee shop in San Diego -- it so yummy. I'd love to try and re-create that. Oh no... Now I am jonesing for some quiche.

Damn.

I just shouldn't watch you show near bedtime. Darn that TiVo.


-Kiki

I wanna watch something

My daughter's favorite phrase is: 'I wanna watch something", followed by "I wanna eat something." I had TiVoed a film that I am ashamed to admit I haven't seen (or at least I don't remember seeing).

So when she said: I wanna watch something

I said: Wanna watch the Seventh Seal?

She replied: The Seventh Seal. Oh Boy, oh Boy, oh Boy. I wanna watch the Seventh Seal.

So I turned it on. She looked at the screen and looked at me. The expression was priceless.

She said: I wanna watch do-do-dora. (if you've ever heard the theme music - you'd know what this is)

I think she thought it was a film about seven sea lions...

Money

We just got SLAMMED by the IRS. I mean SLAMMED. The kind of slam that produces tears. Yes, tears that turned to laughter at the absurdity of it all.

I admit - we make decent money - we do. I can't complain. But we do a lot of 1099 work. And that is where they got us...

WOW...

It's our own fault, we thought we didn't need to do estimated this last year because we got money back last year...

Well, we wont be making that mistake again.

And the funny thing? Last week we had to cash in our spare change to buy groceries...

Why are taxes due the same time as Property tax? And Property tax is also due at Christmas time... does the government HATE us or what?

The Onion: Army Holds Annual Bring Your Daughter To War Day

things I want to outlaw

1. Text message blasts. Don't people realize texts COST money. Send an e-mail jeeze.
2. Networks' ability to turn the volume up on the commercials
3. TMZ - seriously, does this need to exist
4. leash-less dogs (oh wait - there is a law that says you must leash your dog - so let's just FINE the people in my neighborhood that don't. We could fund a library with with money)
5. Overtly comparing your child with another's - it just isn't psychologically healthy.
6. working too much

focus

Have you ever had one of those days when you just can focus on ANYTHING.
That's today for me.
I have the entire day to write and I find I can't write at all.
Not a single line/sentence has come out of my brain.
So I did some research.
Took some notes.
moved a pot or two around in the yard
ARG.

I could have:
updated my website
filed the giant stack of papers on my desk
done some yard work
painted the patio
prep meals for the rest of the week

Did i

No

writers block

Sarah had a fun entry on her blog. What do you do when you have writer's block.

Since I have been suffering from this impediment for a week now... I think I can actually answer that question.
1. read blogs
2. watch food TV or HGTV (paula dean has Amy sedaris on right now)
3. clean, yep, clean
4. read the news on line...
5. file crap that has been accumulating on my desk forever.
6. cruise Amazon
7. think about maybe doing some yoga... think about it...

humanities new lows

I watched the last 15 minutes of the ultimate train wreck of a show called MOMENT OF TRUTH.

Look what the writer's strike brought us too...

Oh FOX, what will you think of next...

best weekend

I got to spend the entire weekend with the kid and the husband...

So glorious...

I missed them so much and I was only gone 4 nights...

Soph did not let me out of her sight this weekend. Even when I desperately needed a nap on Saturday - she climbed into bed with me and let me sleep on her shoulder for a good ten minutes...

So good to be home.

just a surreal day...

My day began with a meeting with a director. She was lovely and it made me think about what my life would have been like if I moved to NY to create theatre and never met the husband.

I am so thankful I met the husband.

I love NY but there is just no way in hell I could live here. and just no way I could raise a child here. I have been hyper aware of the parents with their kids in on the streets, in the subway. WOW. Don't know how they do it.

I then had lunch with an agent.

Then I wandered up to FAO Schwartz to look for a robot for the kid. Found some cool monsters but no robot.

Then another meeting with an agent.

Then another meeting with a director.

Then a lovely cocktail event. Yesterday, randomly, I found out that one of my mentors was getting his caricature put on the the wall at Sardi's.

I managed to get myself invited to the "unveiling" event.

Now this guy has been a huge supporter of my work and is one of the nicest guys in show business. Really.

It was wonderful to see him.

I also just happened to meet Terrence McNally and Tom Stoppard.

Yeah

I know

Crazy

I then went and had a fabulous dinner with one of my dearest friends. We drank an amazing bottle of Argentinian wine - talked about art and theatre.

I should have gone to see another show - but I've already seen three and that was about all I could possibly handle this week. Besides... friends are more important.

Dare I tell you all that I, kiki, who HATES LOATHES DESPISES shopping - braved the Toy's R Us in Times Square to find that elusive robot?

Yes, I walked in (timeline wise this was in between the celebrity love-fest and dinner with M) and asked for some assistance. I was pointed to the toddler toy section - nada, nothing no robots.

So I asked two employees, both of whom were black, where I could find a robot. I explained my predicament - that my toddler thinks I am meeting robots (how ironic) in New York and I need to bring one back with me. As the woman and I were laughing about my kids tenacity, another employee, who was white, came over and started telling me that where to look. He completely interrupted the woman - who was being incredibly helpful - asking me questions. And he was all about the age appropriateness of the toys for my daughter. He literally pushed his way in between the two employees I was talking to.

BIZARRE.

Anyway - I said "well were are the robots for the older kids"

and he said "we have nothing for 3 and under".

And I said, "where are the robots?

he said "They don't make the for kids under 3"

I said "I'm the parent and I know what toys are appropriate for my child, so could you kindly point me in the right direction."

He pointed to the basement/electronics level.

I said, curtly, 'Thanks" and turned to the woman and said "thank you."

What in the hell was that about?

syncronisity

I was sitting in a little cafe having a pannini and the guy at the counter next to me answers his phone. He speaks in a language I can't identify... but certain words pop out:
FRANKENSTEIN...
MARY SHELLY...
SCIENTIST...
HUMAN NATURE
interesting because the husband and I have been discussing the Frankenstein play I wrote and I'm working on another script with a Mary Shelley-like character.

I leave the cafe, am 30 minutes early for my meeting - so I go into BCBG (and laugh at the prices) and Anne Taylor (and laugh at the small selection)

I go to my meeting. Goes well.

I leave the meeting and call the husband. We have a great chat as I walk to the subway. We hang up. I walk to the train and a street musician is playing our song. I toss him a couple bucks. he smiles and keeps playing. I smile too - thinking about that man I love on the other side of the country and the beautiful little girl keeping him company...

and on a more ridiculous note. Three times today i have walked a block in the wrong direction. In high heal boots.

people watching

Was on a flight from SFO to JFK today.
had lots of pictures of Soph - so I was happy.
hit LOTS of turbulence and couldn't find a stewardess to get me a drink - which made me very very very sad. I think I need a prescription of valuim next time I fly.

The woman next to me was reading a book about "unlocking your hidden potential"
she wore a sweatshirt with a peace symbol on it.
I was on a plane that give you a personal TV.
Started reading THE ROAD - but it was way to depressing, started crying twice...
so I plugged into an old vice - HGTV...
then Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nighmares ..
then an animal planet special about how amazingly cool Dolphins are
..and the Daily Show...
but being the busy-body that I am, I looked at what my row-mate was watching
(BTW: no one sat in between us...nice huh?)
1. the in-flight map - which ended up going 0mph at 5feet in Nevada as soon as we hit Nevada and for the remainder of the flight.
2. The Simpsons (which I turned on too)
3. The Family Guy
4. Seinfield

hmmm...

things in the toilet

I have decided to follow Dr. Sears' advice on potty training - well - the do it in a weekend advise... I was ill prepared.

I only had nine pairs of panties for the girl... all of which got washed at least twice on Saturday. Sunday and Monday - only three pairs down. I am not expecting a miracle... but at least she is now telling me (well 50% of the time) that she has to go...

Anyway while this is happening this weekend, I have been exchanging e-mails with an old mentor and good friend about the state of theatre in this country. I sent him this article, which a friend sent me.

I now work for a regional theatre - I used to run a scappy little alternative theatre out of an old funeral chapel...

Ohh - and poop with a lot of Almonds in it is pretty stinky...

The difference between theatres with money and theatres without is artistic freedom. And yep - if you don't have a huge budget you can get riskier and more adventurous with your programming. You also get to go into major credit card debt because you can't pay your rent.

"Mommy I have to pee" means "Mommy I am peeing"

The problem with regional theatre is that the larger you get the less risks you can take because one bad show means the box office take is awful which means possible lay-offs... so it is easy to fall into the mindset to just do shows that "sell". And how is that supposed to make one company distinct from another?

And because EVERYONE and their mother thinks they know about the arts... and the ignorant people write reviews and pass themselves off as theatre experts wouldn't know Artaud if he spanked them in the ass... and everyone thinks they can act... and that its easy... the art form is loosing its..well.. form...

formless poop is harder to get out of panties than a firm one...

there are very few theatre companies that have big budgets that are actually moving the art form forward...

and VERY few companies that support local talent...

a guy asked me why we bring people in from New York, LA, wherever.. and I said, we want the best possible talent on our stage and sometimes that means we have to go out of town...

why can't we work where we live?

why a vagabond existence?

And why can't artists just create art? Why do we have to make a "product?"

I really hate using hotel toilets...

the crack of dawn

When I was a kid, my mom left the house around 5:30am to get to work. She would walk into our rooms and give us a kiss before leaving. Now, most of the time we didn't wake up. But, we knew she come in because we would have big lipstick marks on our faces. We're talking bright mauve or a deep wine color, usually.

I had to leave the house at 6:30 this morning (truly difficult for me...).

When I kissed the husband and the child good-bye I thought about this and smiled.

I'm a very conflicted person

I have been pondering a response to Melissa's post. She, being a brilliant person and master debater, brought up a lot of good points.

Finding good role models for girls is incredibly hard.

My niece was in town for a volleyball tournament this weekend. So my sister and I took her to this place to get her prom dress... It seems that all the girls want to get their dress here because they have a guarantee not to sell the same dress to anyone else going to your school's event. Yeah, I know. Anyway... check out these dresses that 16-18 year old girls are buying. I was SHOCKED. My niece, thankfully, got one of the more tasteful dress - but it was backless...

Project Runway had an episode (yes I love this show...) - a PROM challenge. They had to design a dress for the client but the mom was looming in the distance. None of the designers could bring themselves to designing revealing dresses - even as the girls begged them too.

What does this have to do with Princesses? Well, when all the images of the Disney Princesses (and Barbies) are about being in ball gowns with perfect make-up and hair, I find it rather disconcerting. As a woman with major issues (yes - the body kind), I really would love to figure our a way to prevent my daughter from having them. I guess my opposition to the Princess franchise boil more down to marketing than the content of the film (although...).

I know that eventually she'll meet those gals - the princesses I mean - and I hope it's Belle first. She reads. She's cool. Please understand I actually love Disneyland (in the off season) and played with Barbies until well... lets just say until I was too old to be playing with them.

But there are other reasons I avoid those films...
The villains in all those movies:

Snow White: evil stepmother
Cinderella: evil stepmother
Sleeping Beauty: evil fairy
Little Mermaid: evil female octopus

Okay - Beauty and the Beast has the bad guy being the good looking fella... very nice...

Ya get dead moms all the time in the Disney Films: Snow White, Cinderella, Bambie, Finding Nemo, etc...

Mel's is right - you could go crazy if you stick to a feminist high horse on all those films. Perhaps I am over sensitive.

Soph loves Dora the Explorer - asks to watch it over any other show. As I look at those other programs on TV - that seems to be the only show with a girl lead. Blue's Clues is a girl dog. Anything I'm missing?

I finished it!

I have been missing lately because I HAD to finish War & Peace.
I'm still digesting it.

the jungle book

So I introduced my daughter to my favorite animated movie - The Jungle Book. We completely enjoyed it. But then there was the end...
A young girl sings this song and the lyrics go like this:

My own home, my own home
My own home, my own home

Father's hunting in the forest
Mother's cooking in the home
I must go to fetch the water
'Til the day that I'm grown
'Til I'm grown, 'til I'm grown
I must go to fetch the water
'Til the day that I'm grown

Then I will have a handsome husband
And a daughter of my own
And I'll send her to fetch the water
I'll be cooking in the home
Then I'll send her to fetch the water
I'll be cooking in the home

Now I have boycotted all the "Princess" movies - except Mulan because she kicks ass and it is not about getting married...

Am I being to sensitive?

quote of the day

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
-Sean O'Casey, Irish dramatist (1880 - 1964)

2007 lists

Well, I did NOT finish War and Peace. I am at the top of Volume III - which is the half way point. It is fantastic and I am throughly annoyed that I have to work right now and cannot finish it... ARG. So hopefully by the end of this month I'll be done... hopefully...

But 2007 had a lot of fun reads (thanks to my mom friends and our book club for opening my eyes to authors I normally wouldn't read). The list, yet again, does not include the stuff I have to read for work... perhaps next year I'll include that stuff...

To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis
The Third Witch by Rebecca Reisert
Gilead by Marilynne Robinson
Ex Libris by Anna Fadmen
Marley and Me by John Grogan
Death in Venice by Thomas Mann
The Feminine Mistake by Leslie Bennets
Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows by JK Rowling
Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde
Fluke by Christopher Moore
Candy Freak by Steve Almond
How to Cook a Wolf by MK Fisher (ok didn’t finish it, but I tried!)
Treason by Orson Scott Card
Turning on the Girls by Cheryl Benard

I also tracked the movies I watched this year - because I was curious... I have three netflixs sitting by the TV right now... and they've been there for a while... I think its becuase they are all 2 hours plus...

FILMS
(first viewings only - I mean, why track the crap I've seen before and just happens to be on the television?)

Little Miss Sunshine (dvd)
Firewall (dvd)
The Illusionist (DVD)
The Queen (theatre - YES I went to an actual movie theatre!!!!)
Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason (TV-edited)
The Pursuit of Happyness (dvd)
For Your consideration (dvd)
Casino Royale (dvd)
The Lake House (HBO)
Children of Men (DVD)
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (DVD)
Cars (DVD)
Smokin’ Aces (DVD)
Pan’s Labyrinth (DVD) - my favorite move of 2007!!!!
The Breakup (HBO)
The Devil Wears Prada (HBO)
Shrek the Third (on airplane)
Idiocracy (DVD)
Dreamgirls (DVD)
Stranger than Fiction (DVD)
The Prestige (DVD)
Last King of Scotland (DVD)
The Fountain (DVD)
Ratatouille (DVD)

Wow - I think I might be suffering from multiple personality disorder after looking at this list!

what's by your toilet?

My sister got me Steven Colbert's book for my birthday. When I showed it to my husband - I said "Yippee new bathroom reading"
He said "Good we can take AMERICA out of there now"

I realized that bathroom reading is important.

Currently in our bathroom:
Steven Colbert's Book I AM AMERICA
1001 PLACES YOU SHOULD SEE BEFORE YOU DIE
1001 PLACES TO SEE US & CANADA
A copy of National Geographic
A Williams Sonoma Catalog
An issue of REAL SIMPLE from October that I haven't read yet...
And various other catalogs from which we will NEVER order.

In our "gust bathroom"
A different copy of National Geographic
AMERICA
EINSTEIN'S DREAMS
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
A CALVIN AND HOBBES book
Some random cigar magazines (the husband's)


I realize that since we moved to this house I started a bizarre magazine ritual. When I get a National Geographic - I put the new one in the living room - the living room one goes to our bathroom - that one goes to the guest bathroom - and that one goes into storage... hmmm what does that say about me?

kitty

We spent Christmas with my sister-in-law in San Diego. We haven't been to her house in 9 months. Soph is 28 months old - so she was 19 months old last time she saw them - and they babysat for me.

They had a beautiful cat that Soph loved chasing around. The cat went missing during those awful fires and never returned.

The husband and I made sure not to mention the cat at all to Soph.

The moment we walked in the house. Soph went "kitty?" and started running around looking for it.

Had no idea she would remember that.

We were able to get her to understand that the cat went away before she saw her cousin. Although he is 16, it was Xmas and we didn't want to remind him of his lost pet.

Crazy that she would remember that 9 months later.

Guess I better watch what I say...

35

I just turned 35. Although I didn't want anyone to make a fuss - I was so surprised by the wonderful events of the last week. I feel very fortunate to have such people in my life.

My mommy group took me out for dinner at this snazzy wine joint downtown. I can't be more thankful for this group of truly inspiring women (and one dad). They bend over backwards to make you feel special.

My husband surprised me with a framed giclee of my favorite Picasso. He also got me a yummy cake and made me scallops and shrimp wrapped in bacon... mmmm.... bacon... love it when that man cooks.

My daughter sang me Happy Birthday for several days. It was beautiful.

And then my gift to myself:
I (with the help of the husband) dyed my hair last night - close to the natural color - was tired of the red - and needed to hide the grey skunk that looked good with the pixi cut - but not so great with the longer do.

actively listening

I attended a work meeting last week. I had to give a presentation about what my job is and how we do a certain aspect of my job. I gave the presentation in Powerpoint. I felt very corporate about it.

There were no questions. The general consensus was that I overloaded them. Well, they asked for a detailed presentation and I gave it to them.

Thank goodness I went first. I was able to relax and really listen to the rest of the meeting.

I listened to every word.

The same cannot be said of the other participants.

As I listened, I watched people checking in and out.

Blank stares.

Cell phone checks.

Nodding when not appropriate.

And yawns.

I watched the various people giving reports try to entertain the group in vain. They made the mistake in using hand-outs. Therefore people flipped thru it and figured they knew its contents.

When a report got someone excited and discourse was about to ensue - the meeting leader tabled it so we could stay on schedule.

Bummer. It was just getting interesting.

that man of mine

So, he ordered the stockings. Yes, he did.

I love him.

stockings

The husband and I got into a heated discussion about Christmas stockings today.

He threw out (he's say I made him throw out) a stocking given to him by an ex-girlfriend. This was a couple years ago (we've been together for 13 years - so I think is was finally about fricking time). This coincided with my father sending us these some-what tasteful Martha Stewart (I know - don't judge) stockings and tree skirt.

Now we have a kid. My mom has made my niece and nephews stockings. Well, she's now re-married and busy - and this is Soph's third Christmas... so I don't think a stocking is coming.

So we decided to get some. I of course love my crack, I mean, the Pottery Barn catalog. God I am so bourgeois.

Anyway - we couldn't decide between reindeer, Christmas trees or just a solid color... and if we wanted to get them personalized...

Knowing us - we wont make any decisions but instead a year from now go - Oh we didn't buy stocking last year, did we? And we'll wait till the last minute to order something in time. And again, Martha will make her way to the fireplace and poor Soph will just have to settle for my old Snoopy stocking...

dentist

I went back to the dentist. Still doing good since the last time. I think that I really hate going. Why is that?

A friend last night told me that dentists have a high suicide rate - because people dread them... urban legend? Hmmm...

Talking about dentists made me remember a movie called The Secret Life of Dentists. Which is an interesting character study and more realistic portrayal of the husband-wife with kids dynamic. I really appreciated the inner struggle of the characters - it wasn't over the top, but subtle, the way people actually are. Things are never black and white - people have hard times articulating their feelings - and this film really embraces that.

todays thoughts

Today I am thinking about... in no particular order..
1. when in the heck are the delivery guys going to arrive with the kid's big girl bed
2. why i am constantly fatigued
3. if there is such a thing as a healthy candy bar
4. how to get the stench of urine out of my couch (thanks boy dog)
5. if my love/hate relationship with my job will hopefully start teetering more towards the love side.

whole wheat scone

I made scones today for the first time.

They were a bit wheat-y, but hit the spot.

I brought 3/4 of them into rehearsals - saving myself one for tomorrow morning and one for Sunday morning. They got devoured by my assistant and the stage manager. We all agree that they were a bit dry - so I think some yogurt or cream cheese or sour cream might help the recipe. I found this on line somewhere - and I added the raspberries -- the original called for dates.

Oven at 425

1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup all purpose flour
2 tablespoons of sugar (I just can't go the Splenda route - just can't do it)
2 1/2 teaspoons of Baking power
1 teaspoon of salt
1 stick of butter (yikes - I know --maybe try margarine next time)
2 eggs
1/2 cup of milk
1/2 bag frozen raspberries

mix dry ingredients. fork in the butter until the dry mixture gets crumbly.
mix the egg and milk and pour over the mixture. Stir it pretty good. Add the raspberries.
dust a cutting board with flour and kneed the mixture. IT will be freezing with the frozen raspberries..

make 8-9 balls and place on a greased cookie sheet.

Bake for 15 mintues...

dumb

I was talking to my stage manager today. I was bemoaning the meeting I have this week.

She said, "what do you have to do?"

I said, "Well after rehearsal today I have to meet with the artistic director - and that will go for at least 2 hours."

"But you can sleep in tomorrow, right?"

"oh no - I have a 10am meeting, then the fitting, then rehearsal, then a special event"

'Your life is so dumb!" she exclaimed.

I started laughing. Yep - she's right. Silly meetings keep cropping up when I should be focused on the show.

She started apologizing for the comment right away - as tears of laughter were streaking down my cheek. She meant it's dumb that I have all those meetings - it just came out wrong...

It's kinda fun to think about my work life as just silly, ridiculous and at the moment dumb.

food

My metabolism is not what in once was.

I gained a few pounds after the trip to Hawaii and eating like hell working on a show that stressed me out. Stress used to make me skinny - now it makes me chunky. ARG.

So, the husband and I went on the South Beach diet. I know, I know - but it does work.

The first Phase is a hellish two weeks - which ends in 26 hours -thank god! Then I can eat fruit again and grain!

I realize that yes, shedding a few pounds (10 is the goal and i'm half way there) is a good idea. But changing my eating habits is really the reason to stick to it.

There are 4 coffee shops within walking distance from my office. I am a sucker for scones and any other sugary pastry that happens to call to me thru the glass. I would rather grab a candy bar than a piece of fruit... and let's not even mention the french fries and pizza addictions.

Now I am making hummus and eating fresh veggies. I'm thinking about what fabulous food I can cook. I love to cook. I still want pizza - but I'm going to whole wheat crust it and make it at home. I switched to Vegetarian refied beans years ago.. I can eat chocolate - but now in moderation (instead of inhaling it).

A decent exercise regime is next on the docket.

Now if I could just fine a low carb, sugar free scone that tastes good - life will be complete. And if I cold find a light sour cream that was good...

And if you think I am dieting on Thanksgiving - think again.

the city

I had a rude awakening the other day.

Since re-locating to Northern California, I have had a yearning to be in The City. Childhood memories of riding the Muni and Bart into the heart of downtown came flooding back. Strolling the streets, seeing theatre, and just the general vibe of a downtown core are still vivid in my mind.

I always wanted a Victorian house. Then I discovered what the going rate for even the most run-down decrepit ones... and I promptly realized I'd be able to buy an estate with two vineyards for that price.

But cost of living wasn't my rude awakening. Well, partly, since I know the place I'd like to live is completely out of reach...

It was the wall to wall houses. I had forgot how they are all butted up against each other. It was a wet day - and everything seemed a bit miserable.

There was no green.

No trees.

No bushes, unless they were caked in urine.

I was depressed...

like mommy...

This is about feminine hygiene products. So don't read if the topic makes you squeamish.

I remember when I was a kid - seeing my mom use a GIANT Kotex (early 70s). I thought we were all supposed to do that - so around the age of 4, I started folding up toilet paper and putting it in my undies.

My mother saw me do it one day and asked we what I was up to. I said, I wanted to be like Mommy.

She then got out the big 'Mother's Encyclopedia" and talked to me about female anatomy. A conversation that would have to be repeated around age 8 when I could more fully grasp the concepts of a reproductive system.

Tonight, I was attempting to have some private bathroom time - when in walks my two year old. She sees me using a similar - but now ultra thin - product.

She sees the package it came it. And demands to have one.

Okay, I'm curious. So I hand it to her.

She opens it up. Hands me the wrapper. She peals off the sticky part.

I ask her what she is going to do with it.

She replys "want it on my butt"

She then pulls her little jeans down and places it on her diaper. She pulls her jeans up and trots out into the living room - happy as a camper.

I think she might be too young for the birds and the bees conversation.

Think I need to get a lock for the bathroom door.

calls at dinner time

I think I am turning into a old cranky republican man...

Many many many years ago I donated money to a local Police Activities League. It was a phone solicitation and I felt that if my $15 bucks could help stop gang violence in LA by getting kids off the street - heck they can have it.

The following year (many many years ago) I give them $25. I do it the year after that too.

Each year I get a sticker for my car window - supporting the fund. Hmmm... I didn't get any tickets during those years.

Then it began. More phone solicitations - this time, from the Firefighter's Widows, Police Widows, different Police activities groups.

We move.

We change phone numbers.

We get on the "do not call" list.

They still find me.

Always at dinner time.

These are all good causes. Really. I should know. I always let them get thru their "script".

I try to tell them nicely that we have already given what we can afford to give this year. They employ the good 'ole - $15 is all we need - ploy. I try to explain (every time) that if I gave $15 to all the police/fireman organizations that call me, I couldn't make my mortgage.

I hang up - feeing awful. Every time. Damn, they're good.

But, then I get pissed. I gave to one group. Did they sell my name and phone number? OR am I on some sucker list somewhere? and hey, I don't live in LA anymore. And are these guys even non-profit organizations...

I have worked for non-profit all my adult life. I know how hard it is to raise money for a good cause. I know the importance of philanthropic giving.

When I got my promotion at work, the husband and I talked about what causes we would give money to this year. We came up with a list. It was an interesting exercise. You find out a lot about your partner and what is important to them when you talk about giving money. My fella is a good guy. I was impressed with his choices and why. Becomeing parents has changed our perspectives too.

If only we had a lot of money...

time warp

The last three times we visited the in-laws, a bizarre phenomena has occurred...

I take Soph upstairs around 8pm and lay on the bed with her until she is asleep and next thing I know the husband is waking me up and it is 10/10:30...

I then put on my Pjs and got to sleep until 7/8am when Soph wakes up... so basically 12 hours of sleep.

I hope they don't think I'm being anti-social.

But it is like a bizarre time bubble - I have no concept of time when we are there...

And even this trip when we kept showing Soph how the coo-coo clock worked - it seemed to chirp all the time and yet time seemed to go by so slowly...

way to much tv

I am driving to work today and listening to Terry Gross interviewing Dave Grohl (the drummer from Nirvana who started the Foo Fighters). I pulled into the local coffee drive thru place to get a latte (I am so bourgeois at times I make myself sick). Anyway, I missed some of the interview while I was ordering. I reached to my radio to rewind it. And then it hit me- you can't rewind live radio. I don't have TiVo in my car...

midnight

was the time she finally went to sleep.

Awake

My daughter has decided that it is better to be awake than asleep at 11pm. After rocking her to sleep (for an hour), I attempted to place her in her crib - only to have her wake up and Velcro herself to me. So, I gave up and took her to my bed. EYES WIDE OPEN. Then I am informed she is hungry. So, we give her some Os. Then she wants to watch "blue lady" dancing. Okay, we oblige. We make a deal. One Blue lady and then bed.

Now she is in our bed with her daddy (who is trying to give me a break so I can look at the catalog I love but can't afford anything in it.). I can hear her chatting up a storm in there.

The husband just walked out into the living room and Soph started chatting "momma! Mommma!".

Off I go...

Culinary Snob

Okay I admit it- I was eavesdropping. Well, it kinda hard not to when you tune into a high pitched little girly voice.

The husband and I were at a restaurant. We're both working from home today - so we got lunch together. And that's it (heavy sigh).

ANYWAY - I overheard this woman order "a bowl of mac and cheese, a small side of coleslaw and a Cornona". It took all of my willpower not to turn around and see what this woman looked like. She sounded 12.

At the end of our meal, I got up to use the lou and when I came back got a good look at the mac and cheese/beer drinking gal. Probably early 30s.

When I walked out of the restaunt with my honey - we giggled about her order - "odd" I said. And D said, "well, she had steak last night for dinner".

Looks like I am not the only one listening in.

commuter buddies

I used to work 5 minutes from my house. Really - I could make it to work in 2 songs on the radio.

Then we moved.
I had a baby.
We built a home office in the garage (well, my husband did this for me - he's a good guy -- it was either "build me a home office or read A ROOM OF ONE'S OWN" - he chose the former).

I soon after got a part-time job which as of this month has become full time. But it is a 45 minute - one hour commute...

When we moved, I re-connected with my big sister. She lives two hours away (the closest we've been geographically been since 1990). She and I found ourselves driving home from work around the same time. She had an hour commute as well. So began the cell phone conversations. And yes, I do have an ear piece.

She has since started her own business and works out of her home (lucky!). But she is still my commute buddy. Particularly when I am sitting in traffic. The good thing is, her life is much more dramatic than mine - so I just get to listen most of the time. There is nothing like real tales when you can't get NPR.

amour

I decided to watch the audience at a performance of this 18th century French comedy. One couple in the balcony started cuddling as the young lovers started falling madly in love. They laughed together with his arm over her shoulder,her hand on his knee and her head on his shoulder. So sweet.

The older ladies hit their friends with programs on all the dirty jokes - giggling like schoolgirls.

Odd - there were no men together at this particular performance. Groups of women and couples populated the house.

feminine intuition

So I was up in Washington Heights visiting a dear friend and at midnight - realizing he and his partner both needed to sleep - I decided to head back to Times Square. I could have taken a car service - but I'm a big ole cheapskate - so I took the subway.

I got to the platform, having just missed the A. And there were two 30-something women sitting on the bench. They were obviously friends - chatting about work and using silly noises to express their displeasure at their boss. I sat down on the other end of the bench.

Two 20-something guys walked onto the platform. They looked at us and just moved on.

Another woman, a 20-something blond with earphones, came down next. She sat in between me and the other two women.

The train arrived. We all stood up. As a group we walked onto the train through the same door (although where we stood you could choose from two cars). And although we never said a word to each other - we sat in a triangle pattern on the train. The blond and I fanned out on a bench - making it just awkward enough if someone dared sit between us. The other two sat huddled together across from us. Perfect equilateral triangle.

We all got off at 59th street and walked our separate ways.

I don't think I made eye contact with any of them - but we were well aware that we were a little pack moving together.

travel woes (aka complaining)

Three years ago I would have been thrilled to fly to NY for a couple days and work a bit.

Now.

ARG. I miss my girl and my hubby.

My special little guy (aka the boy dog) is in the hospital with some intestinal problems - he's going to be fine, but it is kinda scary. And I had to leave town with him not home yet.

I flew Jet Blue - which I really like because they have leg room and individual televisions. BUT I forgot to grab earphone when I got on the plane - and when I asked for a pair they didn't have any more. GRRR. But, I read an entire book on the flight. FLUKE - which was a lot of fun. Not as good as LAMB, but fun.

Then I got to the hotel: the Washington Jefferson on W. 51st. Now, I didn't book the room. I got a twin bed. YEs - there are hotels that have TWIN beds. This room is 1/2 the size of my college single dorm room. There is a funky stench. No place to put my little suitcase and a stall shower. Okay, I am not being a wimp -- but come on! It's off season, they could have spent a little time and probably gotten a deal at a better hotel, or a bigger room. Working for larger theaters has really spoiled me. (side note: I brought one of my friends some coffee and I have it out to fill my little den with its rich aroma.)

My flight got in at 10pm - so I didn't get to the hotel until 11pm. And there is no room service! (okay I am a spoiled brat). So, I had to go out and find a deli (yes in the middle of Times Square - talk about too many choices). And I ended up at this Gourmet Food store to get some munchies for my room. I picked up some trail mix and when I looked at the label - realized it was from Santa Cruz!

I do love New York. But I am just so tired of staying in Times Square...

interesting folks

So I went with my hubby to an opening at the opera - which consisted of a very fancy dinner, a couple song (one from Carmen) by the Baritone, and a bar (yippe for dirty martinis). And YES we did get a baby sitter. We wont go into the cost of that - let's just say I was happy dinner was free because my hubby worked on the show.

I sat next to this fascinating woman at dinner. She used to be a lawyer. She gave it up to be home with her sons. Her 8 year old (the other is now 10) was diagnosed with autism when he was quite young. And so, she has her hands full. She also just had a baby girl (a couple months younger than mine) with the same name as my daughter.

She started a nightgown business - because she wanted to see if she could do it. It hasn't broke even yet. I would put up the link to it, but you can't order on line yet... so I will when she adds that function. They're nightgowns in boutiques.

Anyway - I thought - WOW with all you have to deal with, you started this business. That is cool.

Japanese Toilet Training for Kids (English Subtitled)

Okay this had me laughing so hard!

Picasso

Sometimes this painting just makes me happy.

copy cat

Saw some friends of Sarah had these cool images for there profile... and I had to copy.... it was fun..

back to work blues

After a glorious week in Kauai, I had to go back to work. ARG.

It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so fricking HOT. In Kauai it was perfect weather - hot, but with the ocean breeze to make you forget that you were frying.

So I just get my memories of my daughter delighting in the sand-bottomed pool and all the roosters running amok, my husband exhilarated after taking a helicopter trip over the island, and my full day at a spa (massage, facial and wrap - totally indulgent).

It was a fabulous vacation.

vacation

We're going on our first REAL vacation tomorrow. The last time we traveled without ANY work commitments or networking was nine years ago.

In Europe people are REQUIRED to take vacations.

What is wrong with us?

thoughts du jour

I love my husband.
I know I'm being mushy...
but he gets upset (and I mean really upset) when he feels I am not being treated well.
And that is.. well... sexy...

Had a job interview today - an interview I have talked to length about with my mother and sister. Mom called just to say she was back from her trip and to see how packing was going for our vacation to Hawaii -- not one word about the interview OR about the show I opened last week... whatever...

But one of my dearest friends called to see how it went and so did one of my mommy friends--- that gave me warm fuzzies.

faith in humanity

• Two weeks ago one of the moms in my group suffered a horrific tragedy - the death of her husband three weeks after the birth of her second child. My mommy group was there for her - and is still there for her - and I know will continually be there for her for as long as need be. There was no hesitation by anyone in the group to help.
  

• When we stopped at a corner and saw a homeless man, my 23 month old daughter said, "needs money". There was compassion in her tiny voice.

finished

I finished the book.

I'm now in withdrawl...

maybe I should start book one again...

Cosmos Mystique Apparati

Sarah had this meme on her blog and I thought I would give it a go..

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?
Sandra Boyton's Blue Hat, Green Hat doesn't have enough pages...
but the book sitting under it says " The prominate Janstelli Gallery presented Ziller's first one man show of Cosmos Mystique Apparati."

2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching?
My boy dog's destroyed tennis ball.

3. What’s the last program you watched on TV?
TiVoed verson of MONSTERS INC.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
12:45am

5. Aside from the computer, what can you hear right now?
The boy dog's nails on the wood floor.

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?
Spent 12 hours outside working on a show today.

7. What are you wearing?
Jeans, Ugg boots, an Art Nouveau-esque top I got in the bargain bin at Express.

8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?
Yes. Can't remember. But I am sure it was stressful. Wizards and wands and stuff - read the new Potter book before going to bed.

9. When was the last time you laughed?
About two hours ago - we started getting punchy at rehearsal..

10. What’s on the walls, in the room you’re in right now?
A Dali print

11. Have you seen anything strange lately?
I work in the arts - so strange is a relative term.

12. What do you think about this meme?
cool.

13. What’s the last film you saw?
Other than the Tivoed MONSTERS INC? I saw (TiVoed) DEVIL WEARS PRADA - bu thtat might not count because I fast forwarded some of it to get to the end quicker... the last movie I sat thru all the way without interuption was the DVD of PAN'S LABARYINTH.


14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?
Start a Foundation and spread the wealth.

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don’t know.
I really do like sci-fi/fantasy novels. Shhhh..


16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt, what would it be?
Global Warming

17. Do you like to dance?
yes

18. George Bush?
As my bummer sticker says "More Trees, less Bushes"

19. What do you want your children’s names to be, girl/boy?
Sophia/Jack

20. Would you ever consider living abroad?
yes. done it. love it.

21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven?
You did good.

22. Who should do this meme?
anyone who wants to... no pressure.

thin

Saw my mom and my sisters on Saturday.

Walked in the door and the first comment was: "you're so skinny"

I haven't bunged a pound in over a year.

My 16 year old niece said the same thing.

Either everyone thinks I was this HUGE beast all my life, or they just have an image of me being fat, or we're just conditioned to comment on each other's weight.

I looked at my brother-in-law - who gave me a quizzical look when I scowled at the comment.

"I just wish that ONCE weight would not be mentioned within the first 30 seconds of a greeting"

BTW: When I had my horrid bout of acid reflux last week - I called the doctor and she asked if I was overweight (ruling out heart issues - since acid relux feels like a heart attack -- longer story that I will get into later) - I said I'm 5'6" and weigh 135. "Oh you're totally fine then" was her comment.

procrastination

My least favorite word and yet a state I LOVE to be in.

It is my nemesis. As I sit here after getting my daughter to bed, with a deadline breathing down my neck, the word has popped into my head. Wouldn't I rather get the damn thing finished and then reward myself with the episode of Eureka I have TiVoed? Or get the sleep that I so desperately need...

I guess the answer is NO - because I am now writing on my blog and pondering if I should drink coffee...

I am in a hell of my own making.

And thank you American Heratige Dictionary for this lovely definition of the word:
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

"habitual carelessness or laziness" - ouch!

Going to work now.

banana bread

The first time - didn't cook it enough

The second time - good, but the boy dog ate it.

The third time - great, but the dog ate it. Think the boy dog got it down and the girl dog helped him finish - they were both guilty as hell when we got home.

The fourth time - perfect and I dropped it taking it out of the oven. Now it sits in two distinct pieces - hopefully out of countertop range of my boy's keen longs snout.

I think I need to just go back to making chocolate mousse.

reading update

Finally got chance to start Perfect Madness... so far so good - at least she admits she is only chatting with upper-middle class women... more when I'm done.

will be following that read with God is not Great... oh boy

but I will probably have to put those on hold because this woman's book is coming out. And yes, I pre-ordered mine. oh boy oh boy!

sleep update

Sunday night: 5 hours (not straight)
Monday night: 4 hours (not straight)
Tuesday night: 4 hours

naps: zero

I feel like I am in college again
and I don't like it

I am...

I am worried about the fever my daughter had all day yesterday.

I am working on a beautiful Shakespeare play that humbles me everyday as I learn more and more about it.

I am worried about the fever my daughter had all last night.

I am pondering why I constantly spell yesterday yesturday.

I am delighted that my daughter has her own dance to Dora's 'we did it" song.

I am hoping to be able to wean myself off of the caffeine (in the form of that glorious dark elixir called coffee) that I have become re-addicted to.

oh and

I am praying I dont go into existential angst this week.

But today I am...

You Are a Daisy

You see the world with an artist's eye. Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments. You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets. You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in.

What Flower Are You?

what flower am I?

You Are a Carnation

You are down to earth and grounded. You tend to be more traditional than trendy. Your confidence gets you through anything. People trust you and are very loyal to you.

What Flower Are You?

L'Apres-midi d'un Faune - The Paris Opera Ballet

Inspiration for a show I am working on.... enjoy!

Father's Day gifts

My Father's Day gifts to my husband

a happy toddler with a chocolate smile

a right boob bigger than the left

a dog with a new haircut

and three and a half hours alone with his daughter because I had to work on father's day

The Feminine Mistake

So, I have finally finished this book and I am, well, disappointed and yet exhilarated at the same time... how can this be? Before I get into the reasons for said disappointment, I need to say that the premise of the book is quite important and I completely understand and respect the value of such a treatise today.

The book talks about the dangers when women become financially dependent on their spouses by leaving the job pool to raise their children. I remember in high school, our next door neighbor left his wife for a younger woman. This wife had not worked in 15 years, had no job skills and was terrified. Yep - that is the fear. What do you do when your spouse leaves you or dies and you have no "current" or "marketable" skills, no money, etc. Or what happens if he loses his job? Our author quotes a lot of scary statistics - how hard it is for women to re-renter the work force after leaving even for a few years, how child support doesn't help cover costs; how ageist our society is about women; etc.

Although the author talks about interviews middle-class and lower-middle class families - the majority of her examples are upper class women with MBA from places like Princeton and Harvard who are married to successful lawyers, brokers, etc. This is where I have issue - and the main cause for my disappointment in this book. What about those of us in other professions? I am tired of the feminist movement targeting upper-class white women! I don't know anyone who isn't just scarping by - and I know professional women, waitresses, actors, doctors and teachers. And yes, I know a lot of women who have (in their late 30s/ early 40s) made the choice to stopped working to raise their children. Our author, a journalist, has the luxury (as do I - and it IS a luxury) of working from home and really creating her own hours. But a lot of women need to 9 to 5 it - so what of them? What of the families that need two incomes to just survive? I live in one of the most expensive places in the country - anywhere else we would have a five-bedroom home and all the latest amenities - and we're not wealthy AT ALL. We're comfortable - but I can't send my kid to a private school - or vacation at a lake house - like so may of the women sited in this book.

Back to the good of the book with some other interesting factoids: most women who give up their careers didn't really like them to begin with or were faced with a lot of stress/hostility perpetrated by their bosses and/or peers when they got pregnant; the way some men use the purse strings as a way of abusive control (we all saw the Joy Luck Club); women's ignorance about how hard it is to actually enter back in to the workplace after a absence of any length; empty nest syndrome; the depression that comes when the kids don't really "need" you hovering; the silence women feel they must keep when they LIKE their work and how women do not tout their own accomplishments because our society thinks women should be humble; success stories of women who did stay home but managed to keep a finger in the business world whether though volunteer work or other such things that made them still bankable upon their opting back in; the fact that we are living longer thus child-rearing is only a fraction of a woman's life span; how men with wives and families are viewed as "stable" employees but with women it is a liability.

It is in the latter chapters - if you don't get to frustrated with the sob stories of these wealthy ladies - that it gets interesting and accessible to all types of women. Statistic about working women and how they have less stress than stay-at-home Moms; the examples working/non-working sets for the children - if a mom can live off the father, why can't the kid?; statistics that children who go to day care are often brighter and more socially adept than children who do not and are just raised by stay-at-home moms; that working moms , on average, actually spend 2 hours MORE per week interacting with their children (in fact that statistic has increased for fathers too) than stay-at-home moms.

A chapter called Home Equity is about how women who work still do the majority of the housework. She sites examples that when men do help around the house it decreases stress for everyone. She discusses (I wish with more detail) the anger/frustration working women get when their partners do NOT help out. Another chapter talks about Men - how men want someone who is also the bread winner - someone who is an intellectual equal - and take the pressure off being the sole provider. But there are those men who want to have the wife dealing with the kids and household while they earn the $$$.

But perhaps the most frightening thing in this book is about how more and more women are getting Masters degrees, PHds, etc and then opting out and how this is effecting enrollment and admittence to major universities. If x% of the economics graduates are women - then why is x% of working economists women?. The idea of how women are conditioned to think about work as "jobs" and not "careers".

I admit that I just wanted something more from this book. I wanted to know HOW we can change the media coverage that makes women feel bad when they go back to work. This country has told women that if they have a baby-sitter they are bad moms; if they don't have food on the table waiting when everyone gets home from school that they have FAILED; if they don't keep a clean house, they're horrid. It's a load of bull that has been dished out. WHY? Is it the republican government and the Christian coalition that so permeated this country with old school 50s mentality of gender relationships. How can we change the working mom perception? Women are barraged with an enormous amount of guilt anyway - WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP IT.

I love my work. I love to do what I do. And I LOVE my daughter and I would die for her and do anything for her. Why can't I be both? This books says I can - thank you Leslie Bennetts! But, our culture gives me the evil eye. What can I do to stop people from asking me, "what are you going to do about the baby?" How can I stop my grandmother from saying she thinks its wrong that I'm at work? How can I stopped be judged for being a mother?

Leslie Bennets wrote this interesting article when her book came out - its worth a read.

I am reading Perfect Madness by Judith Warner next.

Women In Art

Thought this was beautiful... a friend sent me the link. Enjoy